To think this man was somewhat justified in what he did?

(165 Posts)
Loeri Thu 05-Sep-13 07:02:21

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/10286653/Man-takes-dates-Blackberry-mobile-phone-after-she-refuses-to-pay-half-the-bill.html

It's 2013. A woman is taking the piss in going out on a date with no money, especially to a swanky place where two rounds of drinks cost £54! I really can't blame the man for being extremely pissed off with her and holding her phone as collateral.

VelvetSpoon Fri 06-Sep-13 07:22:18

Stealing someone's phone is not justified under any circumstances, and certainly not in this case.

I have been on far too many dates. For the most part men have paid, for a coffee, or a couple of rounds of drinks. Sometimes I have offered to buy a round, usually that offer has been declined. I wouldn't be impressed if a date offered me a drink or two, then said 'your share of the bar bill is x' or whatever. If you buy a drink for someone that's it. If you only want to buy one drink, next time you say 'your round'.

£54 really isn't a huge sum (I know plenty of people who go for dinner on the first date which can cost maybe double that). It saddens me people think the woman is at fault here, simply for not offering to pay.

That sits ill with me; those of you who consider he was entitled to take her phone because she didn't pay her share, what would you say if instead of taking her phone, he'd forced a kiss on her, or groped/ assaulted her as 'payment'? If that would be unjustified (which it def would in my book) so is taking her phone.

hardboiledpossum Fri 06-Sep-13 09:09:16

I dont think she is at fault at all here. If someone buys you something they can't then demand you pay them for it after. I would see it as a gift at that point. If he didn't want to pay then he should have asked her for money before he went to get the drinks.

Fwiw i have never paid for anything on a first, second or third date. I do always bring money though.

oldgrandmama Fri 06-Sep-13 09:15:17

Well, he was hardly behaving like a gentleman, but she was silly to come out without any money. To have snatched her phone, though, was bad and extreme over-reaction.

CuChullain Fri 06-Sep-13 09:19:52

It would seem still that some women are all about "equality" until it's inconvenient.

MrsMinkBernardLundy Fri 06-Sep-13 09:38:25

I think the point of the case is he is saying as runigchick points out that he did not steal her phone as he did other intend to keep it. it is a weird quirk of the law tat if you don't intend to permanently deprive some of the item it is not theft.

However,what he did was actually worse which was to harass intimidate and put a woman in a vulnerable position in a state of fear.

On the question of who pays I am totally shock at all the people who conveniently assume the other party pays.
I not only expect to pay my share i actually would mother go out with someone who insisted they paid. i am not a piece of property and i value my financial independence.

that said my parents often still pay if we go for dinner

on a date is important for any future rs for me to set myself up as an equal from the start and that means equal share of the bill too.
Not in a niggly every penny way but keeping things reasonable square.

MrsMinkBernardLundy Fri 06-Sep-13 09:39:32

Doh phone typo i would mother i would not.

CuChullain Fri 06-Sep-13 09:42:13

^On the question of who pays I am totally at all the people who conveniently assume the other party pays.
I not only expect to pay my share i actually would mother go out with someone who insisted they paid. i am not a piece of property and i value my financial independence.

on a date is important for any future rs for me to set myself up as an equal from the start and that means equal share of the bill too.
Not in a niggly every penny way but keeping things reasonable square.^

Spot on, another vote for common sense!!

Mia4 Fri 06-Sep-13 10:37:17

He was being VVU to take her phone, he (as anyone else hould have) should have written off the loss, never contacted her again and if this was through a dating site he should have asked the moderators to add the 'tag' to her name that she believes men should always pay and won't offer to on the first date.

From the article it shows that the evening was't cut short until he asked her to buy a round and she refused to buy a round on the grounds it was the man's job. She was being VVU to refuse to buy a drinks round, preteend not to have any money (seriously, who believes that?) and be quite happy to sit there being brought them. He got two rounds in, it was certainly her turn. She should have gone out with the attitude that she may have had to buy a round and if she did she would have got one in and then cut the evening short, knowing never to contact him again.

She was selfish, he was aggressive. I hope the dating site tags both of them as such to warn other unsuspecting people.

EmmelineGoulden Fri 06-Sep-13 10:47:49

I can see that if someone has offered you a drink, it's reasonable to assume they will pay for it. But going out on a date without the means to buy anything indicates an intent to ensure the other person pays for everything. She didn't just decide she didn't like him (though she may not have), she went out intending to have a drink (at least) without paying. That's an entitled attitude, and one I find distasteful, but it's also got its roots in a history of sexist attitudes, social conventions and laws that did not and do not favour women.

OctopusPete8 Fri 06-Sep-13 10:48:02

Hmmm, I could never go out with no money whatsoever, I'd feel too cheeky.

But his response was insane, harassment and theft is not an appropriate response, could she not just have owed him.

Pendeen Fri 06-Sep-13 11:40:31

dahville

Your comment: "at best you sound a bit intolerant asking if the names are real" is not at all fair. I'm not at all intolerant. How would I know it is a 'common' name?

redshifter Fri 06-Sep-13 18:24:59

YANBU

Runningchick123 Mon 09-Sep-13 20:08:38

He was found not guilty - jury took a whole 53 minutes to reach the verdict which is very quick or a 3 day trial. What an utter waste of public money.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2416114/Man-took-dates-phone-refused-pay-half-drinks-cleared-theft-said-intended-device.html

cumfy Mon 09-Sep-13 22:28:29

So did CPS enjoy their 1st date with Kishore ?

SomethingOnce Mon 09-Sep-13 23:46:58

YABU.

This story is depressing on so many levels.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now