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To think being older doesnt necessarily deserve you more respect regardless of behaviour?

(33 Posts)
HotPinkConverse Mon 02-Sep-13 23:52:54

I'm watching CBB and Janice and Les Battersby are both in there. Les is raging at everyone and has shouted at various people, mainly women. Charlotte (in her twenties) raged back at him and swore at him and told him to leave another young woman alone. Now Janice is saying that she can't believe Charlotte can speak to an older man with such disrespect. But Les is shouting at her and other young women with no respect at all (and is actually quite scary!). I don't get why he (and Janice) think other people should respect his behaviour when their (similar) behaviour angers him so much.

I think this applies to people in real life sometimes too where they expect to be treated with respect because of their age despite them being completely twattish in behaviour.

Am I being unreasonable to think age doesn't automatically deserve more respect regardless of behaviour?

HotPinkConverse Mon 02-Sep-13 23:54:15

I worded that badly. Maybe;

Am I being unreasonable to think age doesnt dictate the respect people give you, but your behaviour does?

PivotPIVOT Tue 03-Sep-13 06:53:45

I totally agree with you. I do tend to automatically give older people respect without it being earned first as that's how I was raised. If they are miserable old bastards then that goes out the window though grin

Roshbegosh Tue 03-Sep-13 07:01:23

Yes automatically respect older people, not sit there like a stroppy teen demanding they earn it from me first. Of course respect older people, if they go on to behave badly then that's different.

CailinDana Tue 03-Sep-13 07:02:04

Yanbu. Although I would say all people of all ages deserve respect unless or until the do something to lose that respect. Respect must be mutual - a person who gives no respect but expects automatic respect back is usually an abusive tosser.

fluffyraggies Tue 03-Sep-13 07:09:05

Beat me to it cailin.

Mimishimi Tue 03-Sep-13 07:24:35

I hate when little old ladies push in front of me with their shopping without asking me and then give me this look like "Sorry dear, but you see, I'm old". The thing is, the really old frail ladies don't do this, must have been brought up with better manners and of course I happily offer to let them go ahead of me. It's otherwise hale and hearty 65-70 year olds that somehow think they're entitled to do it. It used to annoy me far more when they could see I had toddlers/young children.

Lweji Tue 03-Sep-13 07:33:19

Yes, mimi.

I am happy to let older people go first if asked or if they do seem frail.
But I have pulled up on one, once, who just went ahead in front of me while I was in a pharmacy with DS waiting outside on his bike. I wasn't comfortable leaving him there for longer than necessary even though I could see him, and she didn't have to wait long.

And my very elderly grandmother deserves no respect after the stunts she has pulled on many people.

marriedinwhiteisback Tue 03-Sep-13 07:36:57

Great post Cailin. No, they don't deserve more respect because they are old but now I'm approaching mid 50's I feel people are more helpful and make fewer slightly snippy comments. Maybe people have changed but I'm not snapped at now to "get out of my way, etc" on the tube or in a supermarket as I sometimes was in my 20s.

AaDB Tue 03-Sep-13 07:39:18

No point in treating someone with respect if they treat you with contempt. I think you should treat people how they treat you.

We were getting on a boat last week and there were some older people that were very rude. Instead of just waiting in the queue, a group of them were pushing and jostling to get on first. Lots of tutting and hairy eyeballs. One lady pushed ds 6 and nearly had him over. The jetty was on an incline and he couldn't stop and so pushed the,people in front. It was packed, and we arrived early with a family with two young children. Despite them being at the front they were almost last on.

I think some older people do,expect reverential respect due to their age. I think you should treat everyone with equal respect at first and then treat as you find.

I have pain and a mobility problem and have issues standing. This isn't obvious by looking at me. I'm still happy to give my seat up for elderly people. Manners don't have an upper age limit.

Sirzy Tue 03-Sep-13 07:39:32

Yes automatically respect older people

That almost implies you wouldn't automatically respect younger people?

Respect shouldn't be about age it should be about actions. I will respect anyone as long as they behave in such a way to deserve respecting. The idea of "respect your elders" is wrong because in some cases they don't act in such a way to deserve such respect.

Roshbegosh Tue 03-Sep-13 07:51:41

surzy you start from a position of respect though, don't sit in judgement before deciding whether people deserve respect from you. Sure, if people show you they don't deserve it then fine but you don't sit in judgement first like some stroppy teen thinking people have to prove their worth to you before you respect them.

Sirzy Tue 03-Sep-13 07:53:40

But that is nothing to do with age. Those who go on about "respecting your elders" are generally the type who do sit in judgement of others.

Too often respect is seen as a one way thing with the expectation that everyone will respect you simply because you are older. That isn't how respect works.

MissOtisRegretsMadam Tue 03-Sep-13 07:58:40

Yes I saw big brother I was
confused as I don't really even class him as old! He must be 60 ish? My parents are 65 and do not think they expect any kind of extra kindness or respect as they are of sound mind and body.

The only time I think it would apply is if it was concerning an elderly person who was no longer of sound mind but that goes without saying really.

I have come to the conclusion vicky and Bruce were just playing themselves in corrie!

LucilleBluth Tue 03-Sep-13 08:04:36

Oh I agree OP. My SIL and I took DS1 and his cousin both 11 to the British Museum last week to see the Pompeii exhibition, they were impeccably behaved but we had three separate incidents with older ladies. The first was in the line to pick up tickets, the boys were stood at the exit with me and an older lady just held her hand in their faces to get them to move, she obviously couldn't say excuse me, there was another exit she could have used, the place was practically empty, they were then tutted at for just walking with the crowd, the last straw was when they were sat down watching a short film a lady bounded over and told then to move up in a very nasty tone so she and her husband could sit down.

They had as much right to be in that museum as anyone else, in fact young people looking at the charred remains of Roman artefacts and engaging with their story is surly something to be encouraged. I feel sorry for young boys out and about, they seemed to be singled out just for being bumbling young boys.

ireallyshouldbeworking Tue 03-Sep-13 08:07:39

I automatically respect human beings. If they act in a completely disrespectful way, then that respect is withdrawn. It has nothing to do with their age.

I remember trying to explain this to my parents as a young person, growing up and rebelling against the attitude I had been raised with; to respect one's elders. I gave childish examples at the time about older murderers or older rapists, but it was never properly understood.

I respect older people for their superior life experience. This, however, can be negated if they show a negative life experience in the way they have treated or continue to treat others.

TheFallenNinja Tue 03-Sep-13 08:33:32

I don't think that simply enduring the passage of time entitles anyone to anything.

Respect is earned, not demanded.

SHarri13 Tue 03-Sep-13 08:42:42

I was watching last night too and was thinking of starting a post saying the same. Surely an adult is an adult.

SHarri13 Tue 03-Sep-13 08:44:06

Actually, a person is a person.

comingalongnicely Tue 03-Sep-13 08:48:36

I start in a position of neutrality - politeness and manners until it's proven otherwise.

I respect very few people, young or old - to me it's something that has to be earned. That doesn't mean I don't respect their rights to be dealt with politely & respectfully.

Unless they do something that'll take me out of that mode in which case I'll treat them appropriately.

TheDietStartsTomorrow Tue 03-Sep-13 09:04:03

I feel older people should be respected just because they're older, especially older members of the family such as grandparents. Their behaviour is another issue separate from respect. If they are rude or impolite in some way, that shouldn't affect the way you are with them. I'd like to think my children would be courteous and polite to older family members and others in the community regardless of how they came across and that their own behaviour and politeness wouldn't diminish just because others were not graceful enough to appreciate it.

We have some difficult relatives. My children are teenagers and they do come back and tell me occasionally how rude a certain family member was and how annoyed they were by him/her, but I love that my kids have learnt not to emulate that behaviour and be rude to losers who are rude to them. They do try to keep to their own standards of good conduct and not let others set the tone.

Rudeness from their peers or strangers who are nasty, spiteful or racist is another thing though. In that case, I would encourage them to stand up for themselves in whatever way they needed to even if it meant being disrespectful.

That's my way of dealing with things though. I don't expect others around me to act that way because each person will have their own standard of what is acceptable and what is not. As long as you are generally polite to those around you and respectful to others in general, regardless of age, then you're fine.

Sirzy Tue 03-Sep-13 09:06:06

So if old people should be respected simply because they are old does that mean young people don't deserve respect?

cory Tue 03-Sep-13 09:09:51

Respect can mean different things.

If it means "give consideration to physical and emotional vulnerability" then I think youngsters should be taught to respect older people (and anybody else who may need it).

If it means "feel feelings of deep admiration regardless of actual fact", then no, it's not something I'd expect from my dc.

If it means "behave politely regardless of your inner feelings", then again I am generally in favour.

TheDietStartsTomorrow Tue 03-Sep-13 14:21:42

Sirzy, to advocate respecting elders doesn't automatically imply that younger people shouldn't be respected. All humans beings should be given respect but what's wrong with showing a little extra regard for someone who is senior, in appreciation for their age and experiences?

Also, I suppose it also depends on how each of us define 'respect'.

TroublesomeEx Tue 03-Sep-13 14:36:56

I respect everyone equally, regardless of their age or any other factor.

what's wrong with showing a little extra regard for someone who is senior, in appreciation for their age and experiences
I actually don't even understand that. I don't understand what bearing their age and experience would have on me and why I'd need to appreciate it.

However, if they are an arse, then I would also withdraw that respect. Regardless of age or any other factor.

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