to want MIL and SIL to stay in a hotel

(92 Posts)
HollieHelen Mon 02-Sep-13 13:58:30

... and not in the living room of our small 3-bed terrace when they come over to stay for a week??
We have no living area when they're staying and everything gets very tense / claustrophobic.
DH has accused me of being inhospitable (fair comment) BUT I have done some unforgivable things to him this past year and have a lot of making up to do.
Just can't stand the thought of the invasion though ...

HollieHelen Wed 04-Sep-13 10:03:38

Sounds like I seriously need to work on my hospitality skills. Will have a serious think about rearranging the kids ...
Yes, we do stay with family when we are over there, and I hate it almost as much - no space, no privacy, sharing with DC ... I would love for US to stay in a hotel when we go over there but DH doesn't agree as he thinks it would offend his family.
I think I'm just a bad host and don't much enjoy being a guest either and I need to deal with my negative feelings for DH's sake!!

xx

LeGavrOrf Wed 04-Sep-13 10:07:03

Fluffyraggles has just summed up the whole of mumsnet. grin

If I were you I would put one of the kids in with you and let your in laws have that room on the proviso that your DH cleans it after. They're his relatives after all.

I would not have anyone stay in the sitting room, that's just crap for everyone.

HollieHelen Wed 04-Sep-13 10:09:09

No way I am letting DH clean!!! I will take charge of that.
Just hope DD's room survives the onslaught ...

xx

allmycats Wed 04-Sep-13 10:13:09

If your DH had worded this - what would you think ?

My mother and sister would like to spend some time in our family home so that they can visit with me and my wife and catch up with the grandchildren and nephew/niece but my wife is not willing to co operate.

Think YABU

HollieHelen Wed 04-Sep-13 10:15:43

it's not as bad as you make it sound, honestly! i have always cooperated so far - we've been together 12 years. They drive DH mad too but obviously he has a far higher tolerance for this as they're his family.

Seaweedy Wed 04-Sep-13 10:15:58

I have to say I'm in the hotel camp for those with limited space.

We had a tiny London flat, and while we certainly squashed up on a few occasions, it got uncomfortable rather fast, especially, when we gave up our bed to our elderly parents and slept on the living room floor on an air mattress, but then had to deal with both fathers, on their visits, falling over us as they went through to the loo (off living room) several times a night, and then again in the mornings, as my dad and both ILs are very early (pre 6 am) risers and would want to make cups of tea (kitchen also off living room)!

Nicer all round for them to stay in a hotel nearby.

alarkthatcouldpray Wed 04-Sep-13 10:20:25

Surely it is just an introvert vs extrovert issue?

You are what you are!

MariaLuna Wed 04-Sep-13 10:55:24

Seems your DH gets to make all the decisions - them staying with you, you staying with them.....

EldritchCleavage Wed 04-Sep-13 11:01:22

Agree with one child going in with you. And get SIL to clean up her own mess while she is there. That's the price of staying with you and not in a hotel. Why can't DH do some cleaning, by the way?

HollieHelen Wed 04-Sep-13 13:05:41

I'd want to make sure it was done properly - I'm a control freak sad
SIL oblivious to mess.

EldritchCleavage Wed 04-Sep-13 13:12:05

Oh, OP. Better to let SIL and DH do it and through that, truly realise what a pain in the arse SIL/mess is. Even if you re-do everything later, make them roll their sleeves up.

NoGoatsToe Wed 04-Sep-13 13:29:43

What sort of mess does she make??? I don't understand ... how she can mess up a room that badly... unless she's dying her hair and dripping it on the carpet, smoking or painting? confused Since you aren't going to spill the beans on your misdemeanours that need forgiven, can you explain hers? wink

Ubud Wed 04-Sep-13 13:33:53

If your parents and siblings get to stay with you, without you throwing your toys out of the pram, then yes, YABU.

Montybojangles Wed 04-Sep-13 13:35:04

Can't they have your room and you sleep in the living room if you don't want to put DC together? That way the ILs mess is closed off from the living space in the daytime.

HollieHelen Wed 04-Sep-13 13:36:42

This will sound awful as deep down she is a nice person - she has terrible BO, she and her clothes smell terrible and stink out any room she sleeps in - she wears synthetic pjs and sweats at night. She sheds loads of hair. She has facial hair (I know, I know ... have said to DH many time she needs to see an endocrinologist to get hormone issues sorted as she won't take that advice from me), doesn't clean after shaving, doesn't clean shower or toilet.
Last time she blocked the loo, tried to unblock it with toilet brush, then tried to wash toilet brush out in sink. There was poo mess everywhere when I eventually got to the bathroom.

I had a brief affair and DH stuck with me and he is really hurting so I really feel I owe him big, big, big time.

HollieHelen Wed 04-Sep-13 13:38:21

My parents and siblings do stay but they are only 2 hours away so stay for one night max, very occasionally - and I have the confidence to ask them to clean up if they do make mess!!

Putting them in our room is an idea though ...

winklewoman Wed 04-Sep-13 14:39:14

I think forgiving the affair trumps having to deal with pooey mess.

HollieHelen Wed 04-Sep-13 14:43:00

Yes, I think you're probably right ... I have definitely lost any right to complain that I had previous to being so awful.
DH deserves better than that.

EldritchCleavage Wed 04-Sep-13 14:58:38

Yeah, but no reason why he can't speak to MIL and SIL about keeping the house clean, no reason at all. It's not doing SIL any favours to let these things go.

Thumbwitch Wed 04-Sep-13 15:05:26

If I were you, and you HAVE to have them in the house, I'd try and put them in one of the bedrooms and put whichever child you can bear to inconvenience in the living room instead. I'd also suggest that DH has a word re. the hygiene issue - I couldn't cope with that for a week!

But I'd be trying to get them to stay elsewhere as well. Maybe a caravan on the drive?

My BIL stayed one night in my house in the UK. He came over from Australia for our wedding, as did MIL, her sister and her best friend. I had all of them bar BIL in the house for 2 weeks, on and off, and it nearly did for me - but BIL only stayed one night because at least the women were hygienic, clean and helpful! He was anything but. I wouldn't have had him there that one night except he'd been kicked out of his cousin's home for disgustingness. He went into a B&B for the remainder of his stay as I said to DH I couldn't cope with him (I was also pg and my Mum was in hospital dying at the time, so was pretty on edge).

There's being hospitable, and then there's being taken for a mug. Houseguests who are foul are undeserving of hospitality, IMO.

Thumbwitch Wed 04-Sep-13 15:07:58

Argh. Xposted but actually it doesn't make a lot of difference to my thoughts.

mrsbeano Wed 04-Sep-13 15:11:11

OP, mine used to come and stay in our lounge too and I hated it. Their crap stuff everywhere and them being there every chuffing evening. At least when we go to them, we go out for the evening and leave them to it (whilst they babysit LO).

When we get our own house, I'm tempted to buy somewhere that's impossible for them to stay in.

mrsbeano Wed 04-Sep-13 15:12:26

I think it's normal to not like it and enjoy going back to your slobbish ways - I turn into a neat freak when MIL is there and then she has a go saying how I'm too tidy for her son!

Gracie990 Wed 04-Sep-13 15:14:08

God I would hate it and I've got room!

Just say no, everyone will have a much better time.

axure Wed 04-Sep-13 15:21:33

YANBU, its your home not a doss house hotel. People who leave pooey mess in their host's bathroom can't expect to get another invite.

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