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To call the police about my own family?(87 Posts)
I have posted some threads here about my incredibly toxic and abusive mother and how I am trying to go NC after a blowout Infront of my DD. It's a long long story but basically the whole time I'm NC with her my entire family won't talk to me either. It is something I have come to accept.
She hasn't gone quietly and keeps messaging me like nothing has happened.
When my nan died (from my biological fathers side, so nothing to do with our current family set up) she left me a lot of expensive jewellery. DM has always kept this in a safe as I couldn't be trusted not to sell it. Ridiculous as I'm in a professional job and get by just fine. This isn't a stealth boast or anything but I have quite a lot in savings so really don't need to sell it!
Anyways I asked for it back the other day. She has lost the key and has better things to do than find it apparently. Fine. She then messages me a few days later asking if I want some stuff she has bought for DD ( she always does this, she is incredibly generous as a way of getting you back 'on side' so to speak)
I say that the jewellery is more important and that we need to figure out how to open the safe. You see, DP and I are getting married in 6 weeks and I really wanted to wear my nans wedding ring. DM doesn't know we're getting married as she shit all over our original wedding plans so we're just doing it our way. 2 witnesses, nice lunch afterwards etc.
Anyways, she has unleashed a torrent of abuse. Saying that if I'm going to be petty she wants everything she has ever given us back. Including Christmas presents, DD's pram, cot, everything. And the dog. (we took the dog from her because she was breeding it to death and admitted she couldn't take care of her properly as her other dogs were attacking her. We adore our dog but she cost us £1000's in vet bills & getting her spayed etc so I really wouldn't view her as a gift)
She is saying that my dad will drive round and take everything. I have no doubt that he will, my family have form for doing stuff like this. I am terrified.
I know this is all very Jeremy Kyle.
My SF and DB have been texting me the most horrendous abuse all morning. Both outlining how much they've always hated me and how DM was the only one that made them be civil to me. I havent replied but it just keeps coming. I'm just sat here in tears.
Now, my point is.. Can they come and take all my things? It was all a gift. I'm so terrified they will come down here and smash doors to get to things. I'm scared they'll hurt me Infront of DD.
Can I call the police? Will they let them take things because they bought it? They won't come right now, they'll just turn up at a random time soon.
Sorry this is all so jumbled.
See the solicitor now. First, you'll feel better for doing something. Second, it'll take a little time to write and send a letter about the jewellery, much less get a response in time for your upcoming wedding, which is going to be just as you want it if you get it in gear in time.
And finally, waiting for it to calm down is about them, not you. And this (as previously stated) is about what you want (the jewellery) and not what they want (control and you on a string). So go get what YOU want.
(And that's a cheeky order!)
What a horrible situation. I think the advice upthread to get a restraining order seems sensible. It is worth going to see a solicitor for some advice I think.
Yeah I'm ok, luckily they didn't come round last night. I went out all day today and told my very lovely neighbours to call the police if my dads van turned up at any point. They haven't said anything to me so am assuming they haven't! Seen a lot of friends today and showed them the messages, have a feeling I'm going to be relying on them a lot over the coming months. (and MN as always!)
Really want to go to a solicitor about the jewellery, it means a lot to me. I think I may wait until the storm has settled, so to speak. Still feeling pretty fragile.
Famzilla Are you ok? Hope you have had an uneventful night and day.
If you have a smart phone there are loads of apps that let you block phonecalls and texts from particular numbers. I have Mr Number on my android phone for blocking spammers, I'm sure there's similar for iphones.
Did you mention the jewellery to the police?
Well said, revengeofkarma.
Op, I called the police on a family member who was threatening me and my children. The best thing I ever did. Not sure who these peeps think they are
Famzilla i hope your ok and that things resolve themselves quickly.
Ring your mobile operator and ask them to ban your mothers number.
Block them all on facebook and also set up your email account so that any messages from them go straight to your Junk mail.
I read your wedding thread. WOW, I can't believe it's descended to this.
Don't be scared, the law is on your side here. Maybe one day you can move house and never tell them.
Re. FB, have you considered deleting your account and rejoining under a pseudonym? At least then you can keep in touch with the people you WANT to keep in touch with.
Oh and the timing of this has a lot to do with you cancelling the (horrific) control she tried to exert over your wedding. So if you do manage to shut this episode down with the help of the police, things will start to calm down. But no texting her offering to let go of the jewellery for a quiet life, etc. that's how things were.
How things are from now on is quite different, and much better for you. Actually better for anyone who comes into contact with them as well, but mostly we are concerned with you here.
You need to find out if there was a will re the jewellery. Of not then I'm afraid you will have to let it go. You dd tHe right thing with 101 as I said before its logged now and the response on 999 should be quicker. I really would seek legal advice and pay out for a cease and desist letter as that's the first step towards an injunction taken care of if needed. I would most certainly be keeping the dog in the house just in case. Slightest thing or feeling of unease then call 999 the police will be happy to help.
Oh, and for the four other dogs staying with her? RSPCA.
Ugh. I did say on the other thread it would get worse before it got better, and a huge part of the reason is simply it worked before. If they turned up and broke down doors, whatever, and you're still talking to them then this is all just an extreme power play to show you who is in charge. The big surprise waiting for them is thatYOU are now in charge, and good on you for it.
Which is not to say I don't think they'll do what you say, quite the contrary. The difference is (and this is huge) this time you're empowered and the police are involved. My sad suspicion is they'll be involved further, at which point you HAVE (and I cannot stress this enough) to follow through, even though they will put even more pressure on you to drop the charges, whatever. If you think this is bad, it will be exponentially worse if you back down at that point. This has to be the point where anyone who watches Star Trek says "We've made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they've done!" Ok, maybe not the last sentence. But that's the only part up for debate.
They're bullies, and abusive bullies at that. The only thing they will respond to is effectively a bigger bully (the police) saying no, this is not acceptable, and we mean it.
I think she has the jewellery. Total power play. A solicitor's letter saying "hand it over or be done for theft" will result in either the key being miraculously produced or a court order for them to pay for a locksmith to bust it open. Lying in the court never goes down well.
When they do produce the jewellery, have it delivered to the lawyers office. You don't need to see them when it happens.
Lawyers ain't nothing but hired guns, baby. And nothing makes lawyers happier than actually getting justice for the little guy. So use them. This is pretty straightforward and thus cheap as legal costs go. And if it goes to court (which is the expensive bit, the losing side pays the winner's costs.)
If you want to keep using FB, in addition to blocking it, consider setting it up with a name change ora different email address to give an extra layer of security.
Famzilla , have you got a cordless landline phone ? Thinking practically , if you have , keep them all charged , and make sure you always have one in your pocket if at home . That way , if you have to dial 999 in an emergency , the landline's immediately traceable even if you can't say anything . Getting subscribers details for mobiles takes a little bit longer , so delays help being able to get to you .
Did the police mention a panic alarm ? Because if you were one of my reports , I'd certainly be asking for one . I'd also be moving your dog even temporarily .
What a nasty bunch of bastards .
If you're worried about various things like the car, can you temporarily put them somewhere else while this blows over?!
Trust me you ARE better than them.
But honestly, that's not difficult with the way they behave, is it?
Just thank your lucky stars you grew up with normal people, OP.
It's like my partners family are completely nasty gits half the time and I am so glad that he was away most of his childhood except out of term time, otherwise he could've turned out like them.
Glad the police have came and given you some assurances and taken your complaint seriously.
Definitely call them if they come around. Have them on speed dial if needs be.
I am sorry you have to even be put through this when you should be enjoying time with your wonderful little girl.
What an awful situation, I'm angry for you op
Christ, they sound absolutely evil. You shouldn't have to live in fear of your own family. For you.
Famzilla you ARE better than them. Sorry other poster chav is too nice a word for them!
They cannot take gifts back. Is the car registered to you now?what does px mean in regards to the car?
Glad you've reported it all to the police.
I do agree with other posters that no matter how hard but i would give up the jewellery.
Also please give your dogs to trusted friends for week or so for its safety x
What horrors Famzilla! You've done the right thing in blocking them on FB and speaking to the police. I have no real advice, but wanted to echo the support you've been given here.
You've done the right thing phoning the police. They'll come fast if need be now.
Yeah, I know what you mean. They're always telling me how I think I'm better than them because I don't do the things they do or act like them. I never have, probably because I spent a lot of time at my grandparents who were very 'proper'.
Well, the police have been and gone. Reassured me that it is highly unlikely they could take the dog. Logged the harassment, said to call 999 if they turned up.
Now just sitting here, pretty numb. Wishing they would just leave me alone.
What a horrible woman.
--Tell the police about the threats, showing visual evidence from your phone/FB etc. Also tell them about things they have done in the past so they know how serious the threat is.
--Delete Facebook, obviously after showing the messages.
--Get your house as secure as possible. Double locks, maybe some barrier to the windows (metal, perhaps?) also an alarm system may be good. Perhaps if it could go straight to the police or a company. If the alarm goes off when they are breaking in, I doubt they would continue knowing neighbours/the police are already on their way.
I hate to say it but they sound like complete chavs and I hate that word but can't think of what other word would suit them. People that like throwing their weight about. Thugs, basically. You don't need to be involved with that - blood isn't always thicker than water and your daughter definitely doesn't need to witness this.
They don't get to meet their granddaughter/niece etc - tough shit, they should've acted like civilised human beings, not Neanderthals (that's insulting Neanderthals as they act on pure instinct).
I really feel for you OP.
Did they say when you could expect the police to come round?
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