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To be so mad at MIL

(14 Posts)

Who cooks the meals and walks the dog (or picks up his pooh if he doesn't leave the garden)

It sounds like her family are enablists (is that the word) and she's the taker.
Neither side of the equation is healthy.

(And as we're all counting, she's 3 years older than me grin )

My mum liked to have things 'done' for her when I was a teenager.
Dad shopped.
I cooked most meals
She didn't do housework but did do washing (because she liked 'playing' with the twin tub)

I realise looking back she probably had a degree of depression.

I'm a year older than her, she's a mentalist! She is not old, she can see to herself, she can catch a bus and get a job. She is pulling one over on your Dh and will get worse as she really does age. Nip it in the bud now before the baby comes.

Rachael200694 Sun 01-Sep-13 22:54:40

He doesn't do housework for her, thank god!!
I agree I do need to focus on the things that affect me, cause they are the problems. All the other issues just get added in cause I'm originally pissed off about what she annoys me with! Every little thing starts bugging you!

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sun 01-Sep-13 22:37:01

What Viking said. Deal with the stuff that directly affects you. So stop giving her money. Your DP needs to see that's not his responsibility. On the driving thing, she will have to get a bus like everyone else. Why on earth does your DP do her housework? Does he go round every day?

OTOH, if the people who live with her think she should cook for them as she doesn't work, that's their fight, not yours. Likewise house cleaning or washing, as long as your DP isn't doing it of course.

Rachael200694 Sun 01-Sep-13 22:34:44

And her family have to make bits of food for themselves when they get in late at night!
I wouldn't mind if she was working mega hard like they are but she doesn't even look after the house or her family! hmm

Rachael200694 Sun 01-Sep-13 22:32:09

I definitely agree that it is DP that I am angry at more than MIL although she drives me up the wall!

I think she's weak more than anything. She's quite friendly and nice but I know she can be cruel to DP when she thinks I'm not listening, I've heard her be nasty to him. Definitely selfish but I'm not sure it is intentional, she just seems like she cba to do anything for whatever reason! I don't think it's depression as such, more being used to rely on other people so she never thinks to do it herself anymore!

I think DP is starting to come round to my side of thinking cause he sees how my parents are with me and how they support me and have fun with us, not cause us hassle and ask for money!
I find it hard what to say to him about her cause I realise how she's got him thinking its normal to have your son to run about doing things for you. But I'm hoping once he sees how my parents make an effort with us and our baby it will make him realise what she's like.

You should see how amazed he is when my mum offers to make him tea when we visit, makes me sad that it's not what he had when he was at home!

raisah Sun 01-Sep-13 21:49:03

Get a tescos grocery shop delivered although this will pander to her needs to be waited on but atleast your dp doesnt have to do it. She sounds incredibly needy and controlling, what does her family do for their dinner?

Is she anxious about the fact that once the baby arrives, she wont be the centre of attention anymore. She is behaving like this so her family are at her command at anytime. She is feeling the need to assert her status as a mother by demanding loyalty in the form of practical help.

MammaTJ Sun 01-Sep-13 21:23:20

She's 4 years older than me (well I will be 46 on Tuesday) and I am about to start a nursing degree! It sounds to me as though she has given up! Is she depressed?

hudyerwheesht Sun 01-Sep-13 21:16:43

I can sympathise, and mine doesn't even sound as bad as yours! Your MIL sounds blatantly lazy and selfish whereas mine is more sneaky about it and has her whole brood convinced of her angelic kindness while treating them like unpaid chauffeurs, personal shoppers, financial advisers, occasional pet-sitters... I could go on.angry
But agree with other poster that you are probably also angry with DP for putting her needs so high on the agenda. His focus should be on you and the baby, now and when it arrives. Unfortunately it sounds as though you're right that he has been led to believe this is perfectly acceptable and so I would advise treading carefully when tackling him on it(speaking from bitter experience here) as its a minefield.
Better to come on here and rant instead grin

Hissy Brazil Sun 01-Sep-13 21:15:06

Jaysus!

She's 5 years older than me!

I'm working my arse off, starting again tbh,and hoping to regain some of my former success! Doing pretty well so far, all things considered!

Your MIL is a fool, and your DP an even greater one!

I really hope you can help your DP sorted out and woken up a bit!

Revengeofkarma Sun 01-Sep-13 21:04:21

The issue here sounds less like one you have with MIL and one you're having and about to have big time with DP. She could be doing all this stuff and you really wouldn't have to care except that DP is
- giving her money
- driving her everywhere
- brainwashed (your word) into thinking this is normal

Baby is going to arrive, if it hasn't already, and you want DP to quite rightly focus on you and baby. And instead you are worried he will be spending emotion and money on MIL.

You really need to sort it out with him. Her? She's really not your problem. If you are genuinely worried about the dog, call the RSPCA. A dirty house that isn't your own isn't your problem. And the rest of it look to your real problem, DP, who you do have influence and decisions over/about instead of MIL.

Rachael200694 Sun 01-Sep-13 20:38:11

With a new baby and new home I don't feel we should be giving her a penny IMO.
We can afford to give her the money, but I wouldn't dream of taking money off my child so I don't have to work.
She's able to work, shop and do everything herself but seems to prefer to do nothing instead!
Her husband works four 12 hour days and he doesn't even get fed!! Don't understand why shock
She even got him to tie her shoe laces once, me and my mum were gob smacked!

Just winds me up my mum works 30 hours a week and manages to clean the house every week, cook healthy meals every night and walk the dog. She supports me no end and wouldn't dream of taking from me!!

But there's her who works 6 hours (soon to be 0) and doesn't provide for her family with meals or anything. Just upsets me she does nothing for DP and just asks for more and more off him confused

Viking1 Sun 01-Sep-13 20:30:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rachael200694 Sun 01-Sep-13 20:17:33

Feel the need for a good MIL rant before my head explodes!!

She is a very kind lady but very selfish and needy!!

DP has to go to the shop for her, she's 50 years old!!!

She works 6 hours a week and has found an excuse to quit her job and is making DP give her money so she doesn't have to work (unbelievable!!!)

She doesn't cook for her family despite them all going out to work for 12 hour shifts.
She doesn't clean the house regularly or wash clothes often.

The dog doesn't get taken for walks which is cruelty!!
They're "poor" apparently, but obviously not poor enough for her to need to work.

She sits in the house all day long doing nothing and then has a go at DP if she has any housework to do.

She's raised DP to pander to her every needs and has made him insecure and lacking confidence.

Her daughter had a miscarriage and she refused to talk to her cause she was upset, my mum couldn't believe this cause she'd put her daughter first and comfort her!!

She doesn't drive so god knows how she's going to ever see our baby when he is born, I refuse to kiss her arse and drive him to see her all the time!!

I'm so fed up, she has brainwashed DP into thinking this is normal behaviour and he thinks she's in the right. All she does is sponge from him and has given him nothing! Drives me mad, I want him to see what she's like but it's his mum and I don't want to be awful hmm

Moan moan moan, I'm a miserable bugger! smile

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