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to not want a visit from dh 's relatives at 33 weeks pregnant.

(71 Posts)
Frecklesandspecs Sat 31-Aug-13 21:13:55

First things first....I love dh's famy but they are hard work when they come to stay. They are not English and though they are very nice I do find their visits a bit stressful. They always seem to turn up in the UK when I am heavily pregnant. This time 4 of them want to come and stay next weekend in our 3 bed smallish house for a few nights! We have a nearly four year old and a two year old and I am pretty knackered most days. I have also had some complications this pregncy to make things worse.
Their stays are made hard for me as they like food but not English food to the extent that the one Aunty preferred to eat some African food at my table she had taken off the plane to the dinner I had slaved at all morning and me having to make tons of food not even knowing if they Will eat it! They pretty much expect to be waited on hand and foot by the wife (me) and apparently have tons of luggage.

I feel like I don't need this right now.
I am supposed to be taking it easy with placenta previa but this is stressing me out already and they aren't even here yet!

Euphemia Sat 31-Aug-13 21:16:47

I would say either they stay in a B&B, or DH looks after them. You've got enough to deal with.

SweepTheHalls Sat 31-Aug-13 21:16:59

Time to suggest a travel lodge smile

littlewhitebag Sat 31-Aug-13 21:17:15

Could you get DH to tell them that if they come you won't be up to cooking for them and doing other stuff and that they will actually have to help you out with the kids and the cooking etc? If they are not happy with that then they can make alternative arrangements.

They could stay in a hotel/B&B/apartment somewhere and just pop in to see you. Might be best all round.

jkklpu Sat 31-Aug-13 21:17:38

This sounds very stressful. How close are the relatives? What role does your dh play when they come to stay? Can you ask him to warn them that they will need to cook/eat out themselves this time around as you aren't up to doing it all? Otherwise, he should be doing it.

FastWindow Sat 31-Aug-13 21:18:11

Would it be out of the question to get your dh to ask them to stay in a hotel just this once? (and then every time thereafter as you'll have three dcs!)

And hang on... Six adults and two children plus one on the way in a three bed house? How would that even work?!

Sunnysummer Sat 31-Aug-13 21:18:26

YANBU, especially with the 4 and 2 yo! DH should be the one to tell them, and if he won't, then at minimum he should be one doing the cooking and the waiting hand and foot.

HansieMom Sat 31-Aug-13 21:18:31

I was 34 weeks with placenta previa when I hemorrhaged and had an emergency C section. The uterus pulls up at that point in pregnancy and can tear placenta loose. How about no, not possible for you to stay?

FastWindow Sat 31-Aug-13 21:19:03

Many x posts!! Must type faster.

TarkaTheOtter Sat 31-Aug-13 21:21:57

Not a chance with placenta previa. You are supposed to be resting.

Frecklesandspecs Sat 31-Aug-13 21:26:13

The family are not that close. It is an Aunty and uncle and their teenage children. They only see each other once or twice a year.
Dh would mainly sit and talk to them. Would help some with kids but not withcooking or waiting!

Its not even as if I can shut myself in the kitchen by myself and curse and swear under my breath because our lounge and kItchen are open space :-(

Euphemia Sat 31-Aug-13 21:30:17

Say NO.

Amy106 Sat 31-Aug-13 21:30:51

Of course they can't stay with you. You should be resting as much as possible not adding guests to your stress level. If they must come now, they need to be staying at a B and B or a hotel and not expect home cooked meals or being waited on hand and foot. Maybe they could go out with your dc and dh during the day leaving you time to yourself. It is dh's job to tell them this right away.

I would say with placenta praevia not a chance in hell. I gave birth to DD at 31+6 (placenta praevia) after a massive bleed, and all I was doing by that point was lying in a hospital bed all day.

You really really don't want to push it with placenta praevia - tell DH they will not be staying, and if they come over, you will not be running around after them.

Frecklesandspecs Sat 31-Aug-13 21:32:04

I know hansie and turka. I haven't told my mum yet but I know she won't be happy with them. I had small bleed at 20 weeks. Nothing since but next scan at 34 wks. I don't really think Dh understands it or the stressing it does me!
I'llsee what I can do. If worst comes to worst I wll go and stay with my neighbour I think!

MakeGlutenFreeHay Sat 31-Aug-13 21:34:19

Definitely not with placenta previa. Risk too high. Surely they would understand that? If not, your DH will and he will have to get firm.... Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy (I feel your pain being pg with a 4 and 2 year old - I've never been so tired!).

Frecklesandspecs Sat 31-Aug-13 21:34:48

Sorry to change subject t but those of you who had pp did you have bleeds before the big one? Or was it sudden? Was it complete pp or partial/ marginal? Ty x

helenthemadex Sat 31-Aug-13 21:35:23

absolutely no way, tell your dh that you will go and stay somewhere else if they come

Frecklesandspecs Sat 31-Aug-13 21:36:04

In fact his uncle is a Dr so he should understand !:-$

Inertia Sat 31-Aug-13 21:42:47

You have to say no.

You cannot jeopardise your own health and that of your unborn child by slaving for 5 adults and 2 small children.

Given what you've said about your DH and how he customarily behaves around these relatives, he might say that he'd help but in reality would do little. And they wouldn't help at all.

TBH I would leave DH in charge of the children and the house and take yourself off to visit your mum (or other sympathetic friend or relative) to get some bed rest for the duration of their stay.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Sat 31-Aug-13 21:53:39

Say no - even without the pp the answer should be no. Your house really isn't big enough and you shouldn't be waiting on anyone.

Best if luck with the pregnancy.

Complete pp in my case. I had a biggish bleed at 26 weeks, and had to stay in hospital for a week, which was when they diagnosed pp (and placenta accreta). Stayed in for a week with no more bleeds, and was allowed home. Was home for 24 hours before being whisked back, sirens screaming, with another bleed. Bleed tailed off again over about 4 days, then had another, and kept having bleeding / clots over the next few weeks while I got very bored in hospital and tried to stay pregnant as long as I could. Final bleed came at 3am, and it was a very good thing I was in hospital - placenta abrupted, crash section and massive haemorrhage.

I don't mean to scare you, and in some cases it will all be fine and you make to planned c-section with no further probs ( friend I made in hospital did). But it is serious, and you do need to take care of yourself.

Frecklesandspecs Sat 31-Aug-13 22:35:46

Thankyou all. So glad I can come and moan on mn and get everyone on my side;-)
I Will defo have to talk about it with Dh.
I only have partial/marginal pp but ob said high risk of bleeding as I am also on anticoagulants for bloodclotting so feel like a bit of a time bomb at the mo though am sure it Will be fine and moved up by next scan.
I feel empowered now to try and talk them out of it. Ty mn's !

Frecklesandspecs Sat 31-Aug-13 22:37:08

Inertia - that is correct. He would!

Book yourself into a travel lodge.

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