To detest gawpers.

(57 Posts)
MrsLouisTheroux Fri 30-Aug-13 15:26:13

We were in a queue of traffic because a man had been hit by a vehicle. He was lying on the road and had lost some of his clothes. The ambulance/ police arrived as we were sitting in our car.
I was horrified that so many people in front of our car got out of their car to have a good old look. We could just see the man from our car behind theirs ( he was being attended to by others) and it was clear and obvious that there had been an accident.
The number of rubber neckers who got out of cars/ opened doors/ leaned out of windows to get a better view was unbelievable. They didn't go to help, they were gawping.
The cars started to move and the one in front of us actually stopped alongside the man to have an even better look. WTF?
AIBU? Am I the only one to think that this is awful? The people driving in front of me seemed to think it was ok angry

saintmerryweather Sun 01-Sep-13 01:04:34

i wasnt calling you a sick bitch pirate and im sorry if i have upset you. your situation is obviously much different from the person i was talking about. you werent filming, taking pictures or posting live updates to an internet forum, you were at the scene, trying to help and found yourself unable to. i think.there may well be people in your situation at accident scenes, which is absolutely understandable. if i came across an accident i.wouldnt have a clue what to do, having no first aid training at all so i would probably still be standing there waiting to see if there was anything i.could do to help.

again thats much different from analysing a crash scene as you drive past, helping to cause tailbacks so you can try to.work out what has happened

I think the emergency services should carry those big green screens they use at racecourses when horses have an accident. They roll up quite tidily and it would give the people involved privacy and hopefully stop "rubberneckers" causing an accident as they trundle by looking at what's happened.

perplexedpirate Sat 31-Aug-13 18:24:07

I can't stop thinking about this thread. It's really upset me.
I'm also reminded of the time my brother was following a friend up the motorway, passed an accident, 'gawked' and saw that it was her. He pulled in and was able to talk to her to keep her conscious as they cut her out of the wreck.
Please think about other people's situations before throwing such horrible insults around. I don't think I or my brother deserve them. sad

yellowballoons Sat 31-Aug-13 11:17:03

I dont look. Partly because I am a bit suqeamish, and partly because I always think, if that was me lying on the road, I would most certainly not want people trying to crane their necks to get a good look.

tallulah Sat 31-Aug-13 10:59:41

In the case of your specific OP no YANBU and I can't see why anyone would want to get out of their car to look at an injured person on the road.

But with big accidents on the motorway, neither DH nor I have ever slowed down deliberately just to look, and if I'm driving I keep my eyes on the road, but surely it's human nature to want to know what has happened? If I'm a passenger I will look to see if I can work out what happened - oh it looks like the red car was hit in the side and the blue car is damaged at the front - I'm not looking at/ for injured people. We do end up wondering how on earth did that happen as we drive on.

Plus there's that concern of "it's a blue Honda - is it my mum's car" sometimes.

I agree it's sick to be videoing and taking photos. Why would you do that?

perplexedpirate Sat 31-Aug-13 10:57:17

I was definitely in shock. I had to go back to work and they had to put me in the staff room drinking sweet tea. The emergency control staff were lovely. I was trying to describe what happened and was just talking rubbish and they were so nice.
I really feel for people on here who have helped at emergencies, it's really hard, especially afterwards, when you have the adrenalin crash.
And then people want to name call. sad

perplexedpirate Sat 31-Aug-13 10:52:19

I'm sure they don't remember me yellow. It was a horrible experience. There was a sign in the car window that I thought I first was a baby on board sign. It wasn't, and it turned out there wasn't a child in the car, thank god, but that was when I started really freaking out.
I was trying to get over the barriers and across the motorway to the car (in retrospect a pretty dim thing to do) but couldn't. sad

yellowballoons Sat 31-Aug-13 10:47:08

I think shock plays a part in these things. Shock can make people literally stay rooted to the spot, as happened to perplexedpirate.

yellowballoons Sat 31-Aug-13 10:45:49

neunund. sad
My guess is that others didnt think they knew more first aid that your friend. Though I am surprised that none of them even went nearer and supported your friend through his ordeal.

yellowballoons Sat 31-Aug-13 10:43:42

True SilverApples. But they either want people to gawp or do not realise they are being gawped at. And either way, they somewhat know what is going to happen. In other words, their free will choice.

SilverApples Sat 31-Aug-13 10:32:01

How many current TV programmes are there, based on the idea of gawping at others?

neunundneunzigluftballons Sat 31-Aug-13 10:27:41

You see the other side of this is not great either. A friend of ours was the first car to come on the scene of a head on collision. When he went to help a stream of cars pulled up and waited after him politely sitting in their cars. My friend who has minimal first aid training was left giving CPR to a dying man alone and he was petrified. I think he would have liked people to get out of their cars and assess if they should offer help. Not sure what happened to the other driver but the one my friend was with died before the ambulance came.

yellowballoons Sat 31-Aug-13 10:22:56

People have short memories. I doubt they remember you.

I think you have a good point though. We dont always know the reasons people do what they do, even though we think we do. iyswim.

perplexedpirate Sat 31-Aug-13 09:39:47

I know yellow. I really was terrified, and I've overreacted.
It's just horrible knowing that people driving past, without knowing why I was there, may have seen me and thought all the horrible things that people are saying on here.

yellowballoons Sat 31-Aug-13 09:35:19

perplexedpirate. In your case it was fear that made you stay, not rubbernecking.

In my scenario that I described upthread, there was no accident. No one was injured, nothing. Everyone was smiling. It was rubbernecking, pure and simple.

perplexedpirate Sat 31-Aug-13 09:30:15

Careful kirjava. Concern for your fellow man doesn't go down well, it seems.
I'm actually fucking furious about this thread. It took me ages to drive on a motorway after I saw the accident. Had nightmares, saw the car flipping again and again. And now it seems that people thought I was getting some sick kicks when i was watching for the people involved to be ok. Like I wanted to see that?!
Actually in tears.

perplexedpirate Sat 31-Aug-13 09:25:35

Well actually, OP, it is similar. There was an accident, I tried to help, couldn't, but stayed 'gawking' anyway.
According to your delightful thread, that makes me detestable, loathsome and 'a sick bitch'.
So that's what the 'thanks' was for. Have a hmm as well.

Capitola Fri 30-Aug-13 22:11:32

It's a loathsome thing to do. Shocking that over 2million pounds was spent at the end of last year for screens to deter rubberneckers at the scenes of road accidents.

I also can't get the mawkish flower leavers - invariably for a stranger, often for something that has been in the local news or on TV. With their ersatz emotion - I think it's often just rubbernecking too.

saintmerryweather Fri 30-Aug-13 21:54:03

well there was q thread a couple of months back where some sick bitch the op was gawking out of her window, providing updates on mn under the guise of being concerned when the police were in her road. proper curtain twitching she was, and yet people seemed to think that was ok? iirc her neighbour had died and yet she still wasnt ashamed of her behaviour. literally providing live updates

I've gawped.

It was late at night and I heard an almighty bang from directly outside my front door. A car had swerved suddenly to avoid a parked car and ended up on its side. It was horrific. All the neighbours ran out to help, the rest stood at their doors, some in tears... me included. It was a bad, bad crash. Luckily my neighbour's a paramedic and saved a life that night.

We were 'gawping', talking to eachother and gave our neighbour a big round of applause once the driver had been airlifted to hospital.

I can't imagine not gawping in that scenario, it was directly outside my front door... But to stop in traffic and crane your neck seems very crass. And angry to those who take photos!

thebody Fri 30-Aug-13 20:57:09

well the only trouble we had was from the press and paparazzi the general public were fantastic. just our experience.

Oh gawkers are a way of life to me, people stare at the strangest things. I stayed at a hotel recently and had a conversation with dd which went like this about a family who were having a good old stare at my ds who's severely Autistic, not only did they put me right off my sausages they made us all feel uncomfortable (( well three of us, ds s oblivious ))

DD>> what are you doing mum ??

ME>> << fixing gawkers with Paddington bear stare >> I'm watching those people THERE << pointing my pointy finger at gawkers>> and i'm wondering if they're from a different planet dd since they don't seem to have come across the likes of your brother before.

GAWKERS >> shock carry on gormlessly gawking.

I may have been a wee bit out of order but when youre getting stared at across the breakfast table, not just by 2 kids but buy their thick twat of a mother too for the major crime of being in public with someone who is just a bit different from everyone else it gets annoying. I'm not over sensitive at all, and 99% of the time don't even notice. I was more annoyed because he was being very well behaved, just very proud of himself and letting me know in his noisy, clumsy, galumphing way he'd managed to use the toaster.

His disability is obvious, he's a 5ft 6 12 year old yet verbally he's a toddler, why people feel the need to stare open mouthed at times is beyond me.

They did it on the 2nd day too, I went over in the end, tapped the mother on the shoulder and asked if her dds maybe attended the same SN school as my boy because they kept looking over, and did they know us from somewhere ?? She did at least have the grace to look shamefaced and hiss at her dds after that but should have known better.

Will say again,I don't have a chip on my shoulder at all, my view is people will look etc but that slack jawed gawking really pissed me off !!

UriGeller Fri 30-Aug-13 19:50:09

Some people just want a bit of it, don't they?
A story to tell. To say, "I was there"

It's weird and horrible and I don't get it at all.

Scrabbleyurt Fri 30-Aug-13 19:46:15

Don't you think that in most cases, people are thinking 'I hope no one is badly hurt' and actually looking for some reassurance in some way that those involved are ok?

If I see an accident, it always makes my blood run cold and I might look hoping to see people sitting up, being cared for. If I thought someone may have been badly hurt but didn't look or know, it would be on my mind for a while. Wondering and hoping they were ok. Don't most people worry for the safety of others in an accident, even if they are strangers?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 30-Aug-13 19:38:07

I live near the town where a young pregnant mum killed her three small children and then threw herself off a multi-storey car park. I happened to drive through a few days after it happened and the main road takes you back through the town past the car park and then right past her house. The huge mound of flowers and teddy bears and clouds of balloons was hard to avoid but I felt awful just seeing it. I didn't want to look but it was right in front of me, and to think what it represented, well it made me cry in the car. sad

It's human nature to look and see what's happened. That's why we have newspapers and news programmes to tell us what's happened. It's not nice to treat it like some form of entertainment though.

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