My husband is being a massive git and needs to grow up

[Brideandgloom]

Or just get our of my hair for a few days or summat.....

He is inherently lazy, I do all the DIY, house cleaning, washing etc. I work full time, I do 99% of the running around for dd.
I also do all the cooking, meal planning etc. He is lazy in every aspect of his life, he says he will do things and never does. Our fence has needed fixing for nearly two years.....
He works full time but it is a massively easy job, it pays well and it doesn't give him any stress, although he likes to play it up to other people and makes out that it is a really demanding job.

I have started a new job and had to work away for most of the last couple of months training. It has been massively stressful, I have come home every time to a shithole, dd has been fed shit and has put on quite a lot of weight. He has bitched at me about being away a few times but in reality it has been no more work for him as he has done fuck all....

We went away for the weekend, he was a twat. He does stupid things because he is so thoughtless, like putting a sandy towel in the picnic bag and ruining all the food or nicking the bath towels for him to go swimming so we all had his manky left over towels after he went swimming.

Today I am working from home and he is still being a twat. He does this thing where he makes out that I have been awful all day and then he will storm out after calling me names. He behaves like a spiteful schoolgirl mimicking me on the phone and generally making a dick of himself.
He has practically accused me of having an affair today with work colleagues.
He constantly tells me I make "everyone" walk on eggshells and i'm moody and no one likes me etc etc...

I haven't been awful, I have been sat working, the cat has irritated me a bit, dd was told she couldn't have one of those huge grab bag packets of crisps with her lunch and umm, thats about it!

So, umm aibu to think he really needs to grow up or our marriage will end up in trouble.

[SomethingOnce]

You don't paint a nice picture of this fellow, OP, and based on what you say YANBU.

It's not the cat's fault though.

[MurderOfGoths]

He sounds like a real charmer, does he have any redeeming features?

[YouTheCat]

My ex used to do that. Put me down constantly and told me that people didn't like me etc etc ad nauseam.

He adds nothing to your relationship. He doesn't sound like he's up to much as a parent.

I would usually suggest talking but it seems like he'll just behave like a dickhead if you try and deal with this in an adult manner.

[Brideandgloom]

lol no I know it's not the cats fault.
She had a mass pukeathon coughing up a furball whilst I was on the phone to my boss and then took a huge dump when I rang him back. It got a bit wearing...

Yes, he isn't very nice at the moment. I feel that I'm the one constantly on edge not him, He's very bitter about a couple of things that have happened to him and I think this adds to his twattishness..

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Um...why are you with him? He sounds horrible.

[FastWindow]

Think you're already in trouble op. Doesn't sound like a supportive loving relationship at all. Sorry. Read it as if it was your best friend telling you about her dh.

[froggies]

LTB

[SomethingOnce]

OP, you're answering your own question.

I think you know you deserve better than this shit. (From your husband. Although I get it about the cat; they do tend to go on a furball/shit rampage every now and then and you're right, it's very trying on top of everything else )

[Brideandgloom]

Yeah I know, he is horrible at the moment.

We have been together a v long time and he hasn't always been like this. He has been a git occasionally over the years but only in the sense that we can all do daft things from time to time.
It seems to me that as he gets older he is getting lazier and more selfish.

He doesn't think he is lazy though, he is convinced that he is up at the crack of dawn and works his bottom off before thrashing it out at the gym three times a week.
In reality he gets up at lunchtime at the weekends, is home by 4pm latest during the weeks and goes to the gym maybe twice a week.
His default position is on his back on the sofa.

[SomethingOnce]

Do you think he's depressed?

Or is it just that he's being a twat?

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

So he expects you to be his maid, is verbally abusive, accuses you of having an affair (wtf?), is generally a twat towards you and oh, yes it's your fault. Sounds great.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Red flags are flying all over the place!!!
Accusing you of an affair!!?? Well we all know what that usually means don't we???

[FastWindow]

The random affair accusing is a bit puzzling imo especially coupled with illogical fight-picking. Anyone else seeing a red flag?

[FastWindow]

X post melons

[Brideandgloom]

Hmm, I have been a bit worried about his mental health to be honest. He forgets things constantly and gets cross when I say "well we spoke about this yesterday/ this morning" etc. He has a family history of dementia.

He has had a rough time over the last couple of years, we had to go to court for his dd as her mum stopped all contact after we had pretty much 50/50 since she was a toddler.
It all got very messy, he was given an order to resume the contact and dsd's mum was told off severely but she has changed all their phone numbers and we are going back through the process. Unfortunately dsd is now a teen and it is unlikely the courts will do much.
There was no problem with husband by the way, dsd's mum admitted she thinks his contact interrupts their life and she doesen't want to "share".

So yes, I suppose he could be either depressed or some sort of early onset thing (which would be horrific), hmm, I haven't really thought about it objectively.

[OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly]

Your marriage will end up in trouble? Darling, look around you, your marriage is in the deep end of the shitty pool. What does he add to your life at all?

[MissStrawberry]

Keep the cat. Get rid of the twat.

Make sure your DD isn't picking up shit from her dad as she may well start treating you with the same contempt.

He really is pathetic. Wants to be the big man (going on about his job) but can't be arsed to feed his child properly and doesn't do a thing around the house.

How you can even look at this man never mind live with and shag him I don't know.

When he says all these things why do you not pull him up on them? Point out he is in bed until X, leaves work at X, etc etc etc .

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Jealous of your success? Afraid you will outgrow him if you out-earn him? Or idler who'd happily let you wear yourself out running around working, keeping DD cared for and the house sorted? Can you look back at the calendar and say when you last laughed together, when you last walked into a room and felt glad to see him?

He sounds like he's already checked out so sorry to say it but this is him preparing his parachute.

[livinginwonderland]

Why are you with him? Do you still love him?

[ivykaty44]

I don't know about grow up but turn into a pleasant human being would be good.

Putting you down by making accusations that other people don't like you is a very sure sign he is insecure in himself, but I would question why someone that is supposed to be my life partner wants to make me feel bad about myself?

You are surely worth more than this type of treatment?

[ivykaty44]

As for the affair suggestion - he is treading on this ground to see what happens I think, worry that you probably could have an affair if he pushes you enough

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

He's lazier than either of my 10 or 12 year old sons so maybe growing up isn't the answer. Personality transplant, maybe?

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

How old is he?

Sorry to be flippant before - you suspect dementia?

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

When long term partners do hurtful or shocking things people often say they fear he's had some kind of breakdown. Do you have any health plan through either employer? Maybe you could suggest a kind of health MOT.

[Fairenuff]

He sounds horrible. Why are you with him?