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AIBU to think will I fuck apologies

(111 Posts)
AuchAyethenoo Tue 27-Aug-13 18:42:50

literally just happened, and I'm now sat upstairs seething.

I'm sat in the sitting room, oh is in the kitchen with dc2 who starts screaming crying (now I should add to be balanced that she has the EXACT same cry wether she is seriously hurt or has just been told no) I shout in 'what's happened?' no answer, I ask again, no answer.

I'm now in panic mode (oh is prone to freezing in emergency situations, just sat watching once when dc3 was choking) I run into the kitchen dc is screaming, I'm now shouting loudly 'for gods sake what's happened!!!, while picking her up, he's standing there looking like Mr Bean, I'm shouting 'don't just stand there, tell me what happened!!!'. He finally says that she had bumped her face off of his elbow.

I take her in and came her down. Oh starts stomping around, throwing things around, I ask him why he's doing it, he starts saying how I've spiking to him appallingly that I've to apologies to him and not to try and excuse my behaviour, etc, etc.

Seriously, do I have anything to apologies for?!

Yes, I agree that the throwing things around bit was shitty. But the bit before: we just don't have enough information to conclude either way.

Lazyjaney Wed 28-Aug-13 00:13:28

I know I'm repeating myself, but the man has 3 kids. Why is he incapable of dealing with one of them having an accidental bump? It must have happened dozens of times by now, and it's hardly rocket science

Exactly - so perish the thought he may actually know what he is doing after 3 kids, and the OP is somewhat over anxious.

diddl Wed 28-Aug-13 06:55:57

Maybe OP was overreacting.

But when she first asked what had happened, why didn't her husband answer??!!

Lazyjaney Wed 28-Aug-13 06:59:39

Child screaming in your ear in confined space vs someone calling from another room - would you hear?

lougle Wed 28-Aug-13 07:58:48

I do think you were BU.

DH reacts very similarly to the DH in this situation. He freezes, or even if he does react, his processing speed is quite slow.

He is aware of it, now, after an incident when dd2 stumbled and cut her forehead on the door frame and he carried on cleaning dd3's teeth. We realised then, that his 'wiring' is to complete one 'job' before moving onto another, because he finds multitasking tricky. I think if he was a child now, he'd get an ASD diagnosis, tbh.

We've overcome that by making a simple rule 'child crying and don't know reason, drop whatever you're doing and find out reason.' Incredibly simple, instinctive to most, but not all.

Similarly, DH is under-reactive to most situations (an employer once asked him to at least fake a panic in response to a looming deadline). He used to saunter across to the children if they'd hurt themselves. I found that (if I couldn't get there myself) saying 'DH, run ' gave him the hint he needed.

The point is, that he wants to be better in those situations and is improving and telling himself to react because he knows he doesn't naturally.

YABU because you ran into the kitchen and didn't assess if your DD looked ok. You should have seen that there were no obvious injuries, given that she can react like this for no reason. You are undermining your DH and the likelihood is that he will get worse and worse.

diddl Wed 28-Aug-13 08:00:09

Yes, I suppose it's possible that he didn't hear.

Perhaps in future he should "preempt" OP by just calling out "it's all fine" or whatever.

Ledkr Wed 28-Aug-13 08:07:24

lougle I have a dh who is the same.
How do you get past the anger/irritation though?
I also feel he'd have an asd diagnosis and feel his parents also have mild aspergers too.
Dh is lovely but we have such a hectic life I sometimes feel enraged as he takes ten minutes to take the toddler to toilet etc.
he's a copper too, I can't imagine how?

conantg Wed 28-Aug-13 08:20:11

I also have a husband like this. Useless as fuck. It's as if there is an invisible cocoon around him cutting him off from reality and preventing him from reacting quickly and appropriately in a crisis. It also prevents him from seeing normal tasks that need to be done. Don't apologise but do ask yourself if you can face many many further decades of this.

MoominsYonisAreScary Wed 28-Aug-13 11:11:34

Shouting and asking if everythings ok isn't over reacting, running straight in might have been.

COCKadoodledooo Wed 28-Aug-13 11:37:46

Who was looking after the dc when op was 'upstairs seething'? Surely couldn't have been the useless in a crisis unable to be trusted with his own dc husband?

lougle Wed 28-Aug-13 15:17:00

I can imagine him being a great copper - defined rules to work by, exacting standards, no need to make value judgements, just apply a set of criteria to a situation and see what the outcome is.

I get frustrated. Mega frustrated. But we tend to try and look at a situation and work out a 'rule' which would overcome it next time.

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