To think its not my fault workmate slept on train station and 'could have got mugged'

(45 Posts)
Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 12:09:05

Someone at work is causing trouble, telling people I have said pretty bad stuff about them etc. Its caused arguments and also problems with people who think I have said these things, made it that the job i loved is making me ill. She's actually seeking me out at work I front of clients and workmates to say 'whats this you have said about x, infront of x.

It all started out on a work evening event, working event rather than works night out, I live further away than others and no bus after 11pm so booked a cheap hotel. All others bar L and S get home easily.

S asked how I was getting home, told her and she asked to share so I booked twin room. L was present when this was arranged and also lives further away but didn't want to share.
Me and S are both a lot older.

Anyway come after event everyone goes out, by 1am me and S leave as unlike the others we have kids and both have to be back early. the others want to carry on, L starts kicking off she has no where to stay. She hasn't paid but I offer her to share as long as she comes back now. She isn't happy at this and wants to stay out. I tell her we are going back, if she wants to share she comes back now.

Next day she isn't speaking to me.

Another work person said she could stop at hers, they were both so drunk other woman couldn't remember were she lived then when she did find it she had no key and smashed window to get in. L ran off.

She turned up at hotel at half four we were asleep and hotel wouldn't give her a key to room. She ended up sleeping on train station until first train.

Apparently its all my fault, she could have been mugged or worse and i would have caused it hmm

My boss has got involved over the alledged slagging off of others and although he says he believes me he has to discipline us both as things have been said infront of clients we work with.

Its like being in bloody preschool.

cumfy Wed 28-Aug-13 15:16:28

Is your boss shagging her ?

If the allegations he is making are factually incorrect, you should surely contend the whole matter, and insist they follow the formal disciplinary procedure.

Email him and HR, make it clear you are contending the facts, request copy of disciplinary code.

Failing that get a union involved.

At the moment it seems like you are being bullied.

Joanne279 Tue 27-Aug-13 22:33:24

If you never brought it up in front of clients I fail to see how YOU can be disciplined. If she did, then she should face action.

Where SHE sleeps after a night out is HER responsibility. X

Mia4 Tue 27-Aug-13 22:26:41

Do everything regarding this over email OP. If your boss so much as talks to you over it then follow up with a confirmation email stating 'regarding the conversation we had today'.

You need to raise a complaint with HR about the whole thing, you also need to make it clear if they don't stop being lazy and fannying about that the complaint will also be against them. You need to get that warning removed.

maddening Tue 27-Aug-13 19:55:51

I think you need to raise a complaint against both your boss and the colleague - the boss for the warning when you are not at fault - tarnishing your work profile and her for her behaviour.

Andro Tue 27-Aug-13 19:20:27

but says he has to be seen to do something.

He's quite correct in stating that he needs to be seen to do something...he needs to be seen to be disciplining the person who can be proved to be acting unprofessionally.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 18:52:49

Thanks sister will have a look,

Thanks all, I think boss view is L is very young and doesn't know any better. He has said he believes me That I didn't say that stuff and I said to him I feel like I am working in a playground not with adults. He agrees with me to my face anyway but says he has to be seen to do something.

Limited it sounds like you and I are working with same person!

Its not a formal warning according to him, basically he wants us to sit down together and talk it out and warn us it can't continue. I told him I am not continuing anything.

zipzap Tue 27-Aug-13 17:58:57

I would also ask both boss and HR what exactly you are supposed to say if L accosts you in front of clients again because you've been told off for saying what the rest of mn thinks is a polite professional answer that tried to shut down the conversation ASAP.

If they can't tell you what you should have said that was different from what you did say, given that you have no control over what L says to you, and you have no control over what she says to you in the future, then how can they caution you for what you said previously or guarantee that you won't be cautioned again if you find yourself in the same situation again, through no fault of your own.

Definitely sounds like boss and HR can't be bothered to do their job properly and you're suffering as a result of this.

I'd also post this in legal as there are some really helpful people that will be able to give more detailed advice than you've had here - although you have had great advice hee too, I think everyone thinks yanbu to be upset about the way you have been treated and on legal they can get into the detailed specifics.

StuntGirl Tue 27-Aug-13 17:35:46

Your HR department sound shit.

You should not be accepting this disciplinary and your manager sounds like a wet fucking lettuce.

Document EVERYTHING. I always tell this to people and they go 'yeah yeah' and never do it - DO IT! A diarised version of events is incredibly difficult to argue against, it can show timelines, an increase in frequency/aggressiveness, you can use it to note down witness names so you can have someone back your claims up. It's priceless.

Put everything in writing. You need a paper trail. Contact ACAS for advice.

nickelbabe Tue 27-Aug-13 17:14:22

you are basically being punished for someone else's misdemeanour.

nickelbabe Tue 27-Aug-13 17:13:03

Lamp - it's really not a minor issue.
He's putting your professionalism into question because he wants to discipline you the same.

the issue is with both your colleague and your boss- he's not treating the issue fairly, and it is within your rights to go to HR because of this.

You should put the facts of the case into an email and send it to HR, stating that you want them to be involved.

Charlesroi Tue 27-Aug-13 16:57:11

If it is as you stated, then you have done nothing wrong. Your boss is taking the easy way out in disciplining you both - of course you can't prove you didn't say something - utterly feckin ridiculous. What you can prove is that L acted unprofessionally in front of a client.
I wouldn't accept this and would appeal your warning, involving HR. Say you want to see the (independant) evidence against you i.e. someone other than L who heard you make comments about staff/clients. After exhausting this procedure involve ACAS.

limitedperiodonly Tue 27-Aug-13 16:57:00

Also I'm intrigued with your talk of press nights and celebrities. It's my job too. You don't have to out yourself though grin

A colleague of mine got very aggressive when drunk and accused many people of being 'tight bastards' when they declined to buy her yet another bottle of wine.

She once called a valuable and blameless client an arsehole before stumbling into the taxi he'd just flagged down for her.

He'd turned down her invitation to accompany her home.

Luckily for her he laughed it off, no matter how much we tried to persuade him to complain. She has rather a good job.

holidaysarenice Tue 27-Aug-13 16:42:30

If that is all you said in front of clients and ur certain, then appeal in writing the disciplinary.

If that is all u said it is unreasonable to discipline you.

sisterofmercy Tue 27-Aug-13 16:40:33

http://www.acas.org.uk/?articleid=1670

Hope this info helps, doomladen lampshade....

limitedperiodonly Tue 27-Aug-13 16:40:32

That's bad. Please try and get proper advice in case it's something that might hurt you.

In my case it didn't really matter because it wasn't anything formal. It was just annoying to have to listen to a 'let's just knock their silly heads together' lecture because my boss was too chicken to confront the real troublemaker alone. And, of course, she ignored it.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 16:19:38

Hr aren't getting involved because they believe its a minor issue the boss should be able to deal with.

Andro Tue 27-Aug-13 16:05:24

Unless you have said more than what your are admitting to, your boss is being sloppy. Taking what you have said on here as truth, you have been calm and professional. Your colleague's behaviour on the other hand, would be professional misconduct (possibly graded a serious depending what was said an infront of whom) where I work.

Wibblypiglikesbananas Tue 27-Aug-13 15:46:45

This has got constructive dismissal written all over it.

NatashaBee Tue 27-Aug-13 14:35:15

This is exactly what HR are there for! I would definitely call ACAS.

nickelbabe Tue 27-Aug-13 14:32:34

i'm not impressed that HR isn't getting involved - you have asked them for their help as you have been treated unfairly by your boss, and all they've said is that your boss has to deal with it?
shocking.

BashfulBunny Tue 27-Aug-13 14:29:58

What a nasty situation. I think your boss is being lazy. It does not give a professional impression to unfairly discipline a member of staff. If he is worried what clients think then he should be making sure he deals with it transparently and properly - and that is not the same as being heavy handed. If a client came to your defense then they are not going to be impressed with your boss either.

Don't just take it. A disciplinary will go on your HR record and could affect your next job.

You should be being vindicated, she should be put on review.

Agree about contacting ACAS. Sounds like you need some support since HR have forgotten their jobs.

limitedperiodonly Tue 27-Aug-13 14:21:51

That sounds awful. Your boss sounds like a bad manager and a coward who doesn't want to tackle the problem.

Talk to HR. This is exactly their job. I'd be worried that it would be a formal warning. Even if not, it won't solve the problem. She won't accept any responsibility and will carry on behaving badly.

Something very similar happened to me but at least it wasn't a formal warning and there were lots of us roped in to share the blame because my manager couldn't face dealing with it properly.

quesadilla Tue 27-Aug-13 14:14:12

Call ACAS but I would also recommend going to talk to a lawyer if you can afford it, even just for one session (some lawyers wil offer initial consultations at low rates) to see what your rights are.

I would also put something in writing, very respectfully and professionally, stating that you are blameless in this incident, that you want this to go down on your employment record and that if any further action takes place on the part of your employer which implicates you in this situation you will take legal action.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 14:10:21

Will call Acas thanks smile no union.

Peachy Tue 27-Aug-13 14:07:26

Agree with limited.

HR should also be helping you with the SEN child, depending on the level of SEN: we have children with autism and certainly HR have been able to help us work with this in the past, if you are a Carer you have certain rights.

Given that, I would certainly recommend ACAS and I wish you luck.

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