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To not want to date someone who texts at 6:30 am waking me up

(163 Posts)
justtoofussy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:50:26

I've recently been in text conversations with a guy who seems nice, but possibly a little lacking in phone etiquette.

I would never text someone I didn't know well (except in an emergency) between the hours of 10 pm and 9 am. I have no idea what their sleeping preferences are and I would not want to wake them.

Today this guy decided to text me at 6:30 am, to say nothing very important. I think this was rude, seeing as he does not know me. I could not get back to sleep afterwards so I am now awake, tired (but unable to sleep) and grumpy. My phone needed to be on because it has my alarm clock.

I am now really put off the guy. AIBU to be so fussy I won't date a guy just because he does not follow what I consider to be phone etiquette norms, and woke me up and made me grumpy?

HawthornLantern England Wed 28-Aug-13 13:17:17

My iPhone is quite elderly (3GS) but it will play the alarm even when the sound is turned off. So I don't get middle of the night calls and texts (which is important to me as I have people who do call and text and who don't live in my time zone).

BlehPukeVomit Wed 28-Aug-13 12:13:15

Aggghhhh! confused JustTooFussy. You need to set DND to allow calls, NOT disallow texts.

Try this..
Setting > Notifications > Do Not Disturb >

Then Turn on scheduled and choose the times you wish not to be disturbed by text/email etc notifications. This means DND will automatically be activated every night.

Then choose who you wish to Allow Calls From. (I guess you want to allow calls from Everyone

Then you don't need to do anything at night as it is all set up. You will receive calls and your alarm will work but that's it.

If you are still struggling try watching some YouTube videos or asking for some real life help. [

justtoofussy Wed 28-Aug-13 11:58:54

oddsock: I tested this with my iPhone and it definitely doesn't turn itself on to play the alarm.

As soon as I turned on the phone manually, the alarm sounded (late) but that would only be ok if I were awake at the right time to turn it on to begin with!

OddSockBox Wed 28-Aug-13 11:52:13

Everyone's different, I turn my phone off at night but the alarm switches my phone on so that's OK.

CooEeeEldridge Wed 28-Aug-13 11:47:21

JUST TURN THE TEXT TONE OFF! Is it really this hard? Really?! Who is going to text in an emergency?! Phone calls can still get through then, and texts won't disturb you. I'm up before 6 and wouldn't think twice about replying to texts / email / Facebook at that time, id assume people would have alerts off if didn't wish to be disturbed.

LessMissAbs Wed 28-Aug-13 11:32:18

Lweji Texts should be non-urgent contacts, which can be answered at any time

Why? Where does it say that? People use texting differently, personally not one of my friends would dream of texting me at that time in the morning, because they are aware that not everyone would welcome it/have their phone switched to silent or whatever.

Further, the OP wouldn't perhaps have got such quick notification that the guy is a bit odd in relation to boundaries. I agree that if there were chemistry she wouldn't mind, but pushing the boundaries too early or with someone who is unfamiliar with you is totally crass and cringeworthy.

Most animals use various cues which if the male gets them wrong, mean they are unlikely to be received well. To suggest that this basic biological rule doesn't apply to humans because, well, some women are apparently so desperate for a sliver of male attention that they will overlook anything, is ridiculous.

justtoofussy Wed 28-Aug-13 11:29:30

I've had a look into the DND feature, and even though I can see how to turn off phone calls, there doesn't seem to be a turn off texts feature, which is a little disappointing.

I'm also a bit hesitant about blocking calls from non "favourites" e.g. a hospital calling me to tell me a relative was ill/injured would obviously not be in my favourites list, and I would miss the call.

I could put the phone on silent, but I would still be woken up by the vibrations and lit up screen.

I have sent him a text, asking him not to text before 9. I think it's fair to give him a chance. If he continues to text too early despite being asked not to, I'm not going to bother.

Lweji Portugal Wed 28-Aug-13 10:42:59

I think one of the issues is that a lot of people treat texts like phone calls.
Texts should be non-urgent contacts, which can be answered at any time.
Then why have alert sounds that are just as annoying and loud as a ring tone?

By only having a single beep, I can be aware of when I receive a message (if I'm within reach and awake), but it doesn't disturb me at all.

Latara Wed 28-Aug-13 10:30:49

PS. there would have to be chemistry there for me not to think it's too early in the day!

Latara Wed 28-Aug-13 10:20:58

You are just not that into him.

If there was chemistry then you wouldn't care what time he texts.

But it bothers you so you can't fancy him enough - dump him.

LessMissAbs Wed 28-Aug-13 10:13:47

Perhaps the OP isn't that desperate for a date Nigel.

You dont have to be receptive to every man that gives you attention, you know.

SourSweets Wed 28-Aug-13 10:06:48

I used to get the bus to work at 5.30am every morning (now on maternity leave and wishing 5.30 was the earliest I had to wake) and I'd text people at that time because I'd forget otherwise. No-one ever had a problem with it, they just responded when it was convenient for them. Stop dwelling on something so trivial and find someone you actually like, is my opinion.

OhDearNigel Wed 28-Aug-13 09:49:05

As you sound like a right mardy so and so I would dump him so he can date someone who doesn't have a fit of the histrionics when they get a text early in the morning.

BlehPukeVomit Wed 28-Aug-13 09:33:04

Sorry I meant emergency calls

BlehPukeVomit Wed 28-Aug-13 09:31:54

If you are worried about missing emergency it is easy to allow calls but silence everything else with the Do Not Disturb feature on IPhones.
You then also don't get woken by spammy PPI texts. I only get one or two spammy texts a month but they often come at strange times.

Littleen Tue 27-Aug-13 22:30:49

I wouldn't normally mind if texted in the night, if you wake up and can't get to sleep again you should probably put it on silent. yabu.

Bunbaker Tue 27-Aug-13 22:21:51

"I have my phone on all the time in case there is an emergency - which by it's very nature might mean someone not in your favourites might call / text."

Don't you have a landline? If it was an emergency a text message wouldn't wake me.

capitalcapitalcapital Tue 27-Aug-13 21:16:46

De-lurked to express my amazement at all these responses to put your phone on silent or use DND!

I have my phone on all the time in case there is an emergency - which by it's very nature might mean someone not in your favourites might call / text.

6.30 is too early to text! Seems hugely selfish to me to think that other people should change their behaviour predicated on what time suits the person sending the text.

Yamyoid Tue 27-Aug-13 20:59:03

6.30am is not early to receive a text. It's just a text.

Lweji Portugal Tue 27-Aug-13 20:30:45

I don't mind messages during the night, because I can't hear them. I just get a bip, and that's not enough to wake me up, even if the phone is by the bed.

In fact, the most recent ex used to text me every day when he left home at the very early hours and I never woke up.

If it bothers you, tell the people texting you not to.

I'd text people during the night because it would never occur to me that it might wake them up, but would apologise if anyone complained.

LessMissAbs Tue 27-Aug-13 20:26:23

*FreudianSlipper my guess the op's text friend a/ waited for partner/wife to go to the bathroom before checking up on potential mistress and to show he is free at all times hmm b/ checking up on op that she can answer as wants to know if she is with someone
or likely in this case c/ just needy and needs attention at 630am and wants a reply*

You really are thinking the same things about me. Dodgy men are generally text-obsessed. Certainly that creep that texted and phoned me (with no encouragement from me whatsoever) had a girlfriend - photos and everything all over FB. It really is a whole different world...

Its a red flag.

I kind of loved the reply though which encouraged the OP not to voice her concerns to the texter, lest she should put him off her.

EBearhug Tue 27-Aug-13 20:24:33

I was pretty grumpy with my phone when its alarm went off this morning. But I suppose it did mean I was in work on time.

Beaverfeaver Tue 27-Aug-13 20:23:16

My phone is on silent at night but the alarm on it still works in the morning.

EBearhug Tue 27-Aug-13 20:15:25

I've texted people at mad times of night. Not often, but last time was about 02:30am, and it was, "Forgot to tell you earlier..." (Can't actually remember what I forgot.

I don't always sleep well, and if I really need to be sure I'll be uninterrupted, I put my phone on silent. The notification sound I have for texts isn't that loud anyway, so it would only wake me if I were starting to wake anyway. Ring tone is louder, but then every few weeks, I have to be on-call for work.

Even if I didn't particularly like someone, I don't think a text at an obscure time of day or night would bother me. I'd just reply to them, and say, "BTW, please can you avoid texting until at least 9am?" It'd only be a big deal if someone was a repeat offender, particularly after mentioning it (and if you don't mention it, why would they have any reason to think it's a problem for you?) And if they did turn out to be a repeat offender, you could just block their number.

But there are far more important things to get worried about in life.

AintNobodyGotTimeFerThat Tue 27-Aug-13 18:52:38

I have a few friends who like to text at 2am.
Now that really gets on my wick.
My Mum will phone me during the day and I wont answer it as it's still on silent because I was trying to ignore all the messages said friends send.
I'm too polite to tell them to please wait until a better time fuck off though.

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