to think you shouldn't post pictures of someone else's DC to Facebook without asking permission?

(82 Posts)
LouiseD29 Tue 27-Aug-13 01:55:56

Possibly being a bit over tired and pfb, but have been having visitors over the past few days to meet my divine week-old DD. Am knackered, but pleased to see everyone and understand they all want pictures of themselves holding the baby. But now they've all started popping up all over Facebook and it's just really winding me up. Not sure exactly why, I just feel it's really rude to broadcast pictures if someone else's baby without even asking first! AIBU?

howcomes Tue 27-Aug-13 02:00:31

Yanbu, I'd be really ticked off too. Afaik data uploaded to Facebook transfers ownership to facebo

howcomes Tue 27-Aug-13 02:02:58

Argh hit post by accident! Was trying to say once pics are uploaded to Facebook you have no say in how they can be used at a later date or who has viewing rights if others have uploaded them.

thatisall Tue 27-Aug-13 02:05:32

Yanbu
It's one of the weirdest feelings when a baby is born isn't it? That people get so swept up thy they sometimes forget thy just a week ago that baby was safe and sound inside you and you might feel quite vulnerable right now,
What will you do? Are you going to ask for them to be taken down?

Oh and congratulations :-)

FondantNancy Tue 27-Aug-13 03:52:05

YANBU. I would be angry, too.

RoadToTuapeka Tue 27-Aug-13 03:58:35

Congratulations on your new baby! You probably are not being unreasonable, but just so it's clear to people, why not just tell them gently that you don't want pictures of you/baby/others in your family posted unless you post them yourself or they ask first. It's not weird or unusual not to want childrens photos up so don't feel awkward asking.

People are probably so pleased to see the new baby and are proud aunts etc so just don't think it's an issue. If they know your feelings then they can respect them!

MidniteScribbler Tue 27-Aug-13 04:21:18

It really wouldn't bother me at all.

BusyCee Tue 27-Aug-13 05:10:33

YANBU. This really bothered us too, and we just politely and asked people to take the pics down and explained why. That was when DS1 was born nearly 3yrs ago, and now we have DS2 we maintain the same principle.

Caused a bit of tension with the evil stepmother (really! Surprised? Me?), but otherwise everyone did as we asked (although I know my Dsis thinks it all a bit odd).

It is a bit of an unusual decision (as so many people seem to live even their most private and intimate moments on social media) but it was a bit of a long term decision for us too. At some point in the future our children are going to have to make their own decisions about what personal information they leave about themselves online, and we wanted to set a (really early) precedent that it is their choice and responsibility. We felt it would be hard for us to talk to them about being responsible online if we've liberally littered social media with photos of them ourselves. Additionally I can't bear the thought that people we don't even know can access images of our children as a result of the structure of FB in particular. It is not the same as friends of my Dads coming into his house and seeing a photo on the wall - it just isn't.

Of course, the DCs pop up in the background of some photos of family events (my DNs recent 1st bday party, for example) but in the main they are not online.

Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Tue 27-Aug-13 05:11:46

YANBU. Ask them to take them down (I did).

DropYourSword Tue 27-Aug-13 05:48:16

I'm not asking this in an aggressive way, but why exactly is there a problem with people putting photos on Facebook? Genuinely, can we discuss what the actual issues are?

GillyMac93 Tue 27-Aug-13 06:28:59

Yanbu , but they are probably just delighted with your DD and having a stealth boast holding a beautiful baby ?

catgirl1976 Tue 27-Aug-13 06:36:57

Wouldn't bother me but as it bothers you, ask them to take them down

Tee2072 Tue 27-Aug-13 06:39:49

Dropthesword I have often wondered the same thing.

I am not bothered personally about photos of my DC being online, but I respect others feelings on the subject, and would always ask first. The only exception would be if it was the DC of a couple of close friends I have, we have already discussed it and agreed amongst ourselves that we are happy for each other to post photos of the others DC.

wigglesrock Tue 27-Aug-13 06:41:40

I think it depends - do you use Facebook? Are you friends with them on FB? Obviously they're pictures of your baby, if you don't want them up, ask them to take them down.

But if you usually put photos up.of bits and pieces, I think it's a teeny tiny bit unreasonable for them to immediately think that they shouldn't do it.

Congratulations thanks or maybe brew smile

cantreachmytoes Tue 27-Aug-13 06:42:58

YANBU. It's baby's life and while people may not beams luscious with it, baby is YOURS to share with the world. You've done the work of pregnancy and labour, it's a but much to take away those special moments where you get to share baby and that includes on FB.

And I too agree that it's baby's life and they may not be appreciative at age 13 if 'friends' find their baby photos, or later on a future university or employer.

Ask them to take them down or get DP to do it if you don't want too. You're perfectly within your rights. Then when people go to take photos in future have your camera ready and offer to take a proper one with that and send it to them, adding in the email that you don't want it on FB. Or just tell them at the time.

Anyway, your baby, you're in charge.

WantedGSOH Tue 27-Aug-13 06:46:44

YANBU.

Like a previous poster my DH & I made a conscious decision not to put any pics of our LO online. I think teaching children to have a healthy respect of the Internet & also that what you reveal on it us a choice rather than an automatic reflex is really important to us, particularly after all the sadness caused by the bullying on that Ask site.

You can't protect children for ever but surely noone would argue against protecting them whilst tiny?

Only my Dsis & husbands Dsis were likely to post pics & we just politely said we wanted to be the first to put any pics up.

I know quite a few people who feel similarly to us. It just feels wierd for a tiny baby to have pics all over the Internet.

Mojavewonderer Tue 27-Aug-13 08:09:01

I don't see a problem with people showing off my newborn on fb and I'm not even on fb anymore. I think it's lovely how people are so proud of you they want to show the world what you made.
I also respect your wishes and your privacy so if its bothering you that much ask them to be removed. It's your baby after all.
Do remember though that if you start plastering pics of your baby all over fb you may find people will be a bit miffed.
Congratulations! smile

MyDaydream Tue 27-Aug-13 08:26:45

YANBU as long as you have no photos of baby on your FB. Just ask them to remove them and explain your reasons.
We told everyone before DS was born there would be no photos on Facebook. That's because we don't live our lives on there and really didn't want a bunch of people who we don't see anymore, or if it was posted on someone else's page who we don't even know, looking at photos of our DS. I wouldn't want my baby photos posted around the Internet, and if DS does that's up to him to upload at the time.
There's also the fact most people don't care, and if they do care they can come and visit us. My DP has had people PMing him to ask to see photos of our DS when they can't be bothered arranging a meet up to talk to us. So why do they want to see our son? It's just weird.
There are also some issues with my DPs biological father who we don't want getting in contact just because technically he's a grandfather. It would cause too many problems and too much hurt for him to know, but since you never know who is a friend of a friend really it's easier for a blanket ban.
There have been photos on FB of him, but a simple "can you remove them we don't want them up" does the trick.

Jollyb Tue 27-Aug-13 08:30:23

Wouldn't bother me either. I've got a 5 week old and a couple of my friends have posted photos of them having their first cuddles with her.

Nanny0gg Tue 27-Aug-13 08:37:14

YANBU as long as you have no photos of baby on your FB.

Why? If I choose to publish photos of me and my family to the world, my choice. I don't see how that gives someone else the right to do it. I can choose my privacy settings, I have no control over anyone else's.

comingalongnicely Tue 27-Aug-13 08:43:16

Silly question, what did you think they were going to do with the pictures? If someone gets someone else to take a pic of them doing something, it's usually so they can show it to other people which very often means facebook nowadays, not likely to go on the mantelpiece...

Not sure what you're "protecting" baby from, unless you're going to put a bag on her head when out & about, people are going to see her anyway!
?

I'm afraid I'd photoshop a fake nose, moustache & glasses onto the picture if you asked me to take it down!!

MumnGran Tue 27-Aug-13 08:43:32

I can understand the reaction, and of course YANBU because this is your baby and you have an absolute right to feel however you do, but..........

I also think it would be wise to bear in mind why those close to you have posted pictures of their first cuddles with your LO.
There is obviously a lot of love (& pride in your achievement) going around ...people post 'first cuddles' pix because they feel it was a special moment - that the baby is beautiful - that they are really fond of you and want to celebrate this amazing new arrival in your life.

So please don't be too hard on them. All of us can be rattled by the things close friends or family sometimes do, but it is also pretty wonderful to have so many people who think so much of you smile
and even more wonderful to think of how much love & care your new baby is surrounded by smile smile

(and congratulations on your new baby)

magichamster Tue 27-Aug-13 08:45:40

Yanbu. You wouldn't take pictures of someone else's baby and publish them in a book, or stick them in the newsagent window, so why post them on Facebook?

I went to a wedding recently and someone was taking photos of the bride coming down the aisle and putting them on Facebook/twitter before she'd even said her vows.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to live their lives on line.

curlew Tue 27-Aug-13 08:46:05

You don't own your baby- other people have relationships with her too!

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