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To think that someone who's finally had a 'much wanted' baby shouldn't go on about how hard it all is!!

(153 Posts)

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MrsBramStoker Mon 26-Aug-13 23:29:14

Ok, before I get completely and utterly flamed (am expecting it!), a close friend of mine had a a series of miscarriages,but in end wasn't trying too long for a dc (we have friends who've been trying to conceive for say, 10 years) but all the family were very sad for them, and very involved n their grief, etc.

5 months ago they had a ds, a lovely little thing. He's a vey good baby, very easy going, a very good sleeper, etc. But all I hear is 'oh god it's so hard, what a challenge, we've finally gone over the hard part, etc etc' And there seems to be major tension in their marriage, etc. my dh went out for a drink with the husband and he said its been really rough on them, really effected their relationship, etc.

TO make matters worse, and another reason why I think I'm not being fully objective, and probably feel vey annoyed about this, is that a much loved and darling mutual friend, had a beautiful baby girl at the time of this girls miscarriage and said baby girl was practically ignored ie. didn't come to visit for about 8 months, because they were going through their pain of misscarriage. (They live in same town!) Turns out said beautiful girl 's mother had a really horrific time in hospital, before and and labour, but apparently it was nothing to this pain of what they were going through. Maybe fertility issues give you total tunnel vision please enlighten me, I mean that in a sympathetically way. All other friends, family members, called to hospital etc, but said misscarriage couple didn't even acknowledge it. I know there's a lot of resentment between said mother of misscarriage and mother of beautiful baby. Esp as a few issues with this baby still, development wise, etc.

Sorry for annoying post but have had a glass of wine and should have given names to characters in story!

I know posters will saying something like 'are people with fertility problems not entitled to talk about the difficulties of parenthood!' Of course they are, but we've all been there! My first dd had a potentially serious illness when born, turned it ok in end thank god, we also have Dtwins, not easy either, so if I'm honest, bit cheesed off with the moaning and 'woe is me' crap from those who finally have the much wanted healthy child in the end!! Who's right? Am I being a total bitch?

(Puttin on helmet, ready for a right pelting, pardon me in advance for wine and irrational ranting!)

dysfunctionallynormal Sun 01-Sep-13 03:38:30

I totally disagree with all the replies i've read here. I don't think you're being unreasonable AT ALL! Yes,babies can be hard work but surely there must be good times that they can talk about too?!!! It's like once some ppl join the 'parents' club they feel they should then start talking like broken records! I'l give you a similar example, i knew a woman who chose to have a second child despite knowing the nightmare of first pregnancy would be repeated. After dd2 was born all i ever heard was whinge whinge whinge..."hubby won't do night feeds/sick of having to watch every penny/childcare is too expensive so i have to give up work" and on it goes. I mean,do these people not THINK and PREPARE for these things BEFORE they have children?!!! I don't think anyone expects parenting to be easy and fun all the time but it is also not hard and miserable ALL the time. There's plenty to enjoy-esp whrn you've tried so hard for one.

Frankly,i think some people just take pride in complaining! Lol! Nutters!

revolvenotevolve Sun 01-Sep-13 07:54:51

OP you've had a really hard time on here. I agree with Solid Gold Brass.

Pawprint Sun 01-Sep-13 08:42:25

After recurrent miscarriages, I thought I'd love every minute of motherhood. But I didn't. PND and sleepless nights - not great.

I don't think I would have moaned all the time, but I am only human and found it hard. I did try and focus on the good bits (when I was awake enough).

I still feel annoyed by something my mum said about a friend of mine who had recurrent miscarriages too. Apparently, this lady had committed a sin by having the audacity to return to work and hire a nanny. In my stupid mum's opinion, this woman had 'made a fuss' about wanting to have a baby and now wasn't appreciating it.

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