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To NEVER EVER open my front door after dark again?

(98 Posts)
HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:17:13

I just remembered to put the bottles out for the milk man. Open front door, step out. Next thing

FWAP

the biggest fucking toad ever has LANDED ON MY ACTUAL FOOT.

I screamed a bit. The toad went "bwurk" the dog barked and ran and hid, the toad slid off when I tried to run away.

Milk bottles are now out.

The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats. blush

So I shall simply cease forthwith utilising my front door after sunset and maintain my dignity. Ok?

HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 23:33:39

Aaaaaaaaggh!!

Aaaaaargh

Headless Mobile Frog

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

<<throws up>>

AGnu Mon 26-Aug-13 23:34:54

Anyone who has one of those old-style keyholes should make sure that they turn their downstairs lights off at night & have a little flipply thing to cover it. I know a couple who recently woke up to hear a buzzing downstairs... There were no less than 140 wasps hanging out on the floor in their hall! <Shudder> He shut all the doors & located a fly swatter & a bucket of water & they set about killing them all! He got stung 3 times. If that'd happened to me I'd have moved. Or set fire to the house. Or both.

I hate wasps.

MollyHooper Germany Mon 26-Aug-13 23:35:39

Be careful though, don't toads secret crap that isn't good for dogs to lick?

Vague memory of a thread about this.

MollyHooper Germany Mon 26-Aug-13 23:37:15

Put the Headless Horse Frog out of his misery!

Stomp on him least he take revenge on your family.

VicarInaTutu Mon 26-Aug-13 23:37:18

i just snook out the back for a quick before bed illicit cigarette.....saw something sticking out from the wall.
got up close and personal with the hugest bloody spider ive actually ever seen in the vicinity of this house.....
i chased it with a sweeping brush tom and jerry style. i darent go back out now.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 26-Aug-13 23:41:02

The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats

grin

I once shared a tent with a toad for an entire summer (yes the ribbit kind, not the bloke kind). Lovely little fella, great company.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 26-Aug-13 23:41:42

Vicar - a good time to give up smoking??

BitBewildered Mon 26-Aug-13 23:41:47

Agnu 'flipply' is a truly brilliant word!

HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 23:42:41

Frogs and Toads. Our last Lab was a chronic toad and frog licker and spent from June to October with s chronic drooling problem. She couldn't help herself even though it aggravated her mouth hmm

Current lab has more sense.

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 23:48:58

oh honey he's gorgeous. bless his paws.

Dayshiftdoris Tue 27-Aug-13 00:24:07

That is one look that says 'Please dont make me go out there' - I know it well as my dog has that look if I mention 'Walk' when it's raining (a JRT no lesshmm)

Had a frog jump at me from the recycling in the dark once and I roused a couple of neighbours with the screams hmm
I also have a long history (right to childhood) with 'Twatcats' that bring me dead stuff - birds, mice, a rat, a frog and one utterly useless feline that could only catch worms... Those are grim barefoot confused

Thankfully spider population is kept in check by DorisDoggy - she might not like rain but bugger me she likes eating spiders (and cat poo... which is not so good)

CrazyHamsterdisguisedasatree Tue 27-Aug-13 00:41:17

Arf at using children to defend yourselves against spiders grin grin I have never done this

I have hundreds more around 20 frogs in my garden its not so nice when they don't move quick enough to get away from the Lawnmower blush
Oh and one figured how to use my catflap once I made my 4 yr old Ds catch it ..
He still takes the nick out of me

CrazyHamsterdisguisedasatree Tue 27-Aug-13 00:41:43

*Mick

VicarInaTutu Tue 27-Aug-13 00:49:51

why is it that the object of your fear seems to know and target you?

i am not afraid of moths, frogs, toads, rats, mice, lizards, snakes.
my 2 fears are spiders and crane flies (daddy long legs)
and they know it.

i also think i am a closet buddhist because i cannot kill them....i just chase them out with anything that puts about 4 ft between us....

Buzzardbird Tue 27-Aug-13 00:53:03

You have 'bjork' on your front doorstep? confused

pigsDOfly Tue 27-Aug-13 01:18:50

That's so true Vicar. I can't abide slugs, horrible things.

We use to have a problem with a huge cat that would come into our house to eat our cats' food (probably why he was so huge) anyway, one night he got stuck in the cat flap and pulled the flappy bit and the surrounding bit off so we were left with a hole that I was going to cover before going to bed.

Eventually found something suitable with which to cover the hole and went into the kitchen to fit it only to find the whole of the bottom half of the glass door covered in a great mass of slugs. They had obviously been attracted by the warmth from the house that was escaping through the hole.

Still makes me shudder now.

Monty27 Tue 27-Aug-13 01:27:22

Snails don't talk, not like frogs anyway.

All wasps should be beheaded.

HoneyDragon Tue 27-Aug-13 09:15:45

In my defence, I am not actually scared of frogs or toads now its daylight. Just late night fwappage.

ButWhatNext Tue 27-Aug-13 09:26:02

I reckon the dog looked guilty because you'd rumbled its plans for a late night hook up. You were meant to be in bed. The toad thought it was the dog answering the door.

You can't stop their love you know. That's just cruel and creaturist.

They'll probably run away together now.

MinnieBar Tue 27-Aug-13 10:27:34

This wouldn't have happened if you got Ocado deliveries

[helpful]

HoneyDragon Tue 27-Aug-13 10:56:20

But Ocado would cost £75 a week to deliver my milk confused with the milk man it works out 30 pence a week.

OctopusPete8 Tue 27-Aug-13 10:57:07

I thought this was gonna be really scary,haha

clear the perimeter next time grin

popcornpaws Tue 27-Aug-13 13:16:37

I feel you're pain, I came back from walking the dog at night, and stood on something, I felt something wobbly and shone my torch to see what it was, a giant toad, guts all over my wellies, bleugh!!!

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