To NEVER EVER open my front door after dark again?

(98 Posts)
HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:17:13

I just remembered to put the bottles out for the milk man. Open front door, step out. Next thing

FWAP

the biggest fucking toad ever has LANDED ON MY ACTUAL FOOT.

I screamed a bit. The toad went "bwurk" the dog barked and ran and hid, the toad slid off when I tried to run away.

Milk bottles are now out.

The dog and I are now sat at opposite ends of the sofa avoiding eye contact and feeling like twats. blush

So I shall simply cease forthwith utilising my front door after sunset and maintain my dignity. Ok?

HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:29:17

Salmo

May I suggest you open my front door from now on and you can assess the crappness of my doorstep amphibians your self?

EsTutMirLeid Mon 26-Aug-13 22:30:06

Maybe you should tape up your letter box just in case? Toads are very intelligent! wink

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Aug-13 22:30:11

<screams a bit at spider limbs>

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Aug-13 22:30:55

Happy to Honey... grin

<bwork>

HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:31:12

Peasant

You do realise in the morning you'll find a little webby outline of the spider on the carpet from the arachnid forensics team? Just to add to the guilt and fear.

RevoltingPeasant Mon 26-Aug-13 22:32:32

But it was alive when it lef the house! It weren't dead the larst time I saw it, honest guv.

<leaves country to avoid prosecution>

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Aug-13 22:32:51

Not to mention Mrs Spider wringing her hands and sobbing over the heads of her little sleeping children...

gaggiagirl Mon 26-Aug-13 22:33:13

You have to cut your foot off! It will be all toady BOAK.
It happened to me on my back door step and I've never been the same since ever

ruby1234 Mon 26-Aug-13 22:34:12

Anyway, never mind the toad...... you actually have a milk man? Wow!

Salmotrutta Mon 26-Aug-13 22:34:21

Wear hiking boots people!

Lets be careful out there - as they said on Hill Street Blues.

TheCutOfYourJib Mon 26-Aug-13 22:34:24

Oh god, I would probably never leave the house again, just in case.
Urgh.

HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:34:49

Can toads climb UPVC? <<glances nervously at letterbox>>

specialsubject Mon 26-Aug-13 22:35:29

FWAP.

brilliant evocation of the sound!

DearPrudence Mon 26-Aug-13 22:35:40

DH found a toad in our garden yesterday. And I have a milkman. Are you me?

SeaSickSal Mon 26-Aug-13 22:36:31

The dog did nothing? LEAVE THE BASTARD!

Oh I am so jealous. We used to get loads of frogs trying to get in the door, but only met a toad once. <and I married him>. Joke

HoneyDragon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:37:17

Not sure Prudence, I might be. How embarrassed does your dog look?

parakeet Mon 26-Aug-13 22:37:22

I stepped on a slug outside once, in bare feet. On concrete.

It took forever to get the slime/innards off. Obviously the first thing I tried was holding it under a running tap. Had no effect whatsoever. Then I got some soap on my hands and tried washing it off. On inspection - still covered in slime. Rubbed it with a soapy flannel. Still there. Scrubbed away at it with a nailbrush - still loads left.

In the end I had to scrape it off with a knife.

youarewinning Mon 26-Aug-13 22:37:25

I'm impressed you and dog made it to the sofa to feel like twats.

I'd have been an unconscious crumpled heap on the doorstep. grin

EsTutMirLeid Mon 26-Aug-13 22:37:29

Yeah of course they can climb UPVC they've got sticky suckery feet. Get the Sellotape now. Tape it shut very firmly. smile

mysterymeg Mon 26-Aug-13 22:38:03

YABU I like toads - they're somehow cuddly looking. I remember chasing my neighbour with a mahoosive one aged about 6 grin

I'm with you about the spiders though revolting I'd have had to have gone for an immediate shower!. I once ran a bath in the nearly dark and without my bottle bottom specs on. It was only when I got in and something brushed against my leg that I realised there was a ginormous spider in with me and drowning. Nearly killed myself leaping out and onto the slippery floor.

I had to throw slippers away after a slug incident.

EsTutMirLeid Mon 26-Aug-13 22:39:19

And revolting you need to see your GP ASAP. Remember what happened to Peter Parker?!

TheCuntingPigeon Mon 26-Aug-13 22:42:54

Coo coo coo! grin

smile this has cheered me immensely!

DD and I saw a toad in the garden the other day. DD watched its progress whilst I hid did some cleaning inside.

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