to be upset about bride's revelation on hen do about my husband trying it on

(48 Posts)
colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:25:54

I'm so effed off and trying not to be upset about this. just got back from a wedding where I was bridesmaid and dh best man. On the hen, the bride told a funny story about how my husband had tried it on with her years ago but she'd turned him down, which was delivered in a kind of yuck I wouldnt go there sort of way. It was years ago, about 5 years before I got together with my dh. I was sick to my stomach when she told it at the time and of had a row there and then. I told her I found it really disrespectful of her and that it made me feel weird as we spend alot of time as a 4. I spoke to my dh about it and he said that he wasn't into her then, not that it matters, but that he really didn't fancy her.

I let the whole thing go, did the wedding etc etc all was ok. Then I looked at the photos of the wedding that he had taken on his phone. None of me. a few of her, with dhs best mates the other best man and groom. She looks stunning. I looked awful in dress that didn't suit me with massive bouffant hair. Both of which she chose, I must say. I felt a surge of jealousy and fury and anger that has really surprised me. Aibu? Help.

msrisotto Mon 26-Aug-13 21:28:23

Yabu, it was years ago, way before you so irrelevant IMO. So she didn't put any pictures of you up, so what? If you looked awful as you say you did, she was doing you a favour!

SlobAtHome Mon 26-Aug-13 21:29:39

YABU, well, more irrational.

She was the bride. He ONLY took a few of her... Think of it like that. smile

nkf Mon 26-Aug-13 21:31:37

Did he try it on or not? I couldn't work that out. Bridesmaids' dresses are always awful. It makes the bride look better.

Trills Mon 26-Aug-13 21:32:00

Do brides really deliberately choose bridesmaids dresses to make them look bad? I thought that was a myth.

The story part - I think you are overreacting. Your DH probably chatted up lots of people before you were together. It's nothing to do with you.

Similarly, lots of your friends would probably say "no" to your DH, even if he were single. Also no big deal. Not everyone fancies the same people.

It's not a very good story, but it's not "disrespectful" to say "isn't it funny, this person once chatted me up?" even if the answer is "no, that's not really very funny".

I wonder though if you're picking up that he's not being honest.

Why try it in with someone you didn't fancy confused

The very least he could do is say, yeah I fancied her then, it was years ago and now I'm married to you.

MacaYoniandCheese Mon 26-Aug-13 21:32:47

YANBU about the story. How rude and tasteless. She sounds horrible and/or really, really stupid.

YAProbablyBU about the pictures. Brides always look stunning (even nasty ones) and I'm sure you looked lovely. I doubt your DP put much thought into the pictures...there's a bit of a herd mentality when it comes to whipping out phones/cameras at weddings or other special occasions. Don't take it personally.

FantasticMax Mon 26-Aug-13 21:36:02

It was a weird thing for her to say at the hen do and I'm not surprised it unsettled you. If I were you I would distance myself from her now that the wedding is over, unless she apologises. She made you feel like crap to inflate her own ego.

As for your DH, he is allowed to make passes at other people before you were married, of course, but he could have given you a heads up that he once made a move on her. I wouldn't read too much into the photos though, she was the bride after all.

colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:36:13

Thank mac and course other replies. I know I'm being u really.

nkf Mon 26-Aug-13 21:36:42

Her comment was off.

SlobAtHome Mon 26-Aug-13 21:37:00

laurie I am ashamed to admit I have flirted or even been with blush men that I am not attracted to. Drunken fun. Even sober daftness sometimes.

colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:37:29

A heads up, exactly, I would have appreciated it

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 21:38:11

how could the bride 'choose your hair?'

Jesus defend me from friends like you and her.

you both sound very childish and silly. presumably high school was a while ago.

move on.

colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:40:10

I know me too, but not with any of his mates which is by chance more than anything. I know I'm being irrational. I just feel so upset.

Littleen Mon 26-Aug-13 21:40:12

Sounds like a really awkward situation for you! Have a proper good chat with your husband and say how you feel, I am sure he can reassure you. As for more pictures of her than of you - that's natural, she was the bride. Was the same thing when I was a bridesmaid last month (also in a very not suited dress), and my boyfriend took pics of the bride rather than me. Mind, she's lesbian and have never been alone with my boyfriend, so obviously it didn't have any "hidden meaning", which I think you might be putting in to this situation. I'm sure it was just one of those little things that happened ages ago, and perhaps she brought it up to make herself feel better due to self esteem (could be a blip if she's normally confident) or jealousy at your relationship, wedding nerves, or simply just a case of being plain stupid. I can totally see why you feel as you do though, I would probably be exactly the same. You just need to talk it out with them (separately) and then you can move past it. Perhaps your husband was trying it on with lots of girls at that time? Many have periods in life where they just try to get some anywhere they think they can ;)

colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:40:35

And the dress was nice, I just didn't feel great in it

colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:42:02

Thank little. he did go through a patch and 4 do understand that. I feel insecure sometimes, my issue really

colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:45:16

The body, why post if you've nothing kind or useful to say?

SeaSickSal Mon 26-Aug-13 21:47:19

She shouldn't have told you that story, what a bitch. Martine McCutcheon did almost exactly the same thing to her bridesmaid in the run up to her wedding:

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2194174/Martine-McCutcheon-manipulative-evil-b--h--destructive-cruel-By-best-friend-chief-bridesmaid.html

I think she was just trying to be spiteful, cause trouble in your relationship and make you feel insecure which she's obviously succeeded at.

Her husband took a couple of pictures of her because she was the bride. Personally I would drop her as a friend and concentrate on trusting your husband again.

He's not done anything wrong, she's the one in the wrong here.

doorbellringer Mon 26-Aug-13 21:47:38

I think the bride was being a prize cow and turning into a smug married cow. Definitely distance yourself and when she asks why, tell her the truth that you didn't appreciate the embarrassment at her hen do and what exactly did she hope to achieve. Cheeky unecessary combing if you ask me. Put the wind up her and say dh said she was a munter back then and has gotten better with age grin

PermanentMenstrualTension Mon 26-Aug-13 21:51:07

People will say anything to get a laugh. I'm not excusing her but she may have been a bit under pressure at her hen do and unwittingly offended you. I'm sure she wanted to show love and loyalty to her fiancé and if slagging off ex flames was part of it, we'll so be it. Not clever but not a crime.

At uni we were 4 very good friends. 3 of us dated more or less briefly the same guy (not at the same time), the 4 th one married him years later. We are all still extremely good friends, incl with him, but wouldn't touch him with a barge pole because it just didn't work out, for a reason. It is past and barely even remembered.

I hope you can shrug it off and carry on. Good friends are rare.

doorbellringer Mon 26-Aug-13 21:51:21

*comment not combing!

New to MN OP? hmm

Not a big deal IMHO, you either trust your DH or you don't & why do you give a fuck about her opinion of him anyway?

I'd work on your self confidence if I was you...

colourmehappytheresasofainhere Mon 26-Aug-13 21:57:48

Thanks for helpful posts. Feeling calmer, it was a moment of blind irrational jealousy. do me good to have a calm think and wonder why, which posting on here is helping with.

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 22:01:57

look sorry but I thought you were both being unreasonable. she was silly and potentially nasty to tell that story while you are daft to let it upset you so much.

your dh choose you didn't he? you are his wife.

enjoy your marriage and don't let a silly story derail you.

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