AIBU to be upset by DH's comments and behaviour?

(96 Posts)
teaandcakesagoodmummakes Mon 26-Aug-13 17:26:23

Have had a rubbish weekend, been alone with two DC aged 3 and 5 all day Saturday and Sunday due to DH moving his campervan and going to a car show with my Dad. Today I planned an afternoon if bowling ( Groupon offer that was almost expired) for us all. We went and kids aren't the best behaved, wouldn't sit down, kept getting up off their seats and being a little excited, I had a word with them and they improved slightly, I understood it to be that they
hadn't been out all weekend and were excited to be spending time with Daddy.

Anyway, DH was getting increasingly annoyed with them and shouted at me that it was my fault they went be having as I've failed to discipline them and they don't listen. I'm a SAHM and at the end of my tether as it is, I try so hard to be the parent I can, lots of positivity, boundaries, consistency etc. I'm feeling tired and burnt out after a long summer holiday and next to no support from him. DS pull up leaked while we were there, he had already used his spare change of clothes. DH said to me ' where are these pull ups from' to which I replied "Tesco I think", he said " you don't even know! We're going, his piss wet through and you can't be assed to sort it out'. On they way home all he was saying was how rubbish a job I was doing, how he need to take time off work to sort them out. Just feel so upset as I need support not to be criticised. I sai this and he said I'll support you by taking time off work and sorting it out. My DD sucks her hair, it's a habit we're trying to stop, he turned round to her and said he was going to cut it all off if she didn't stop it. That was it for me I said how dare he upset her and ruin our day out, he said this is exactly why they are the way they are. Sorry if I'm not giving enough details I'm just exhausted by it all, feel a failure and have no one really to talk to about it.

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Mon 26-Aug-13 17:28:22

God that is shocking spelling, I'm bathing kids, crying and trying to ignore DH mumbling downstairs...

RandomMess Mon 26-Aug-13 17:28:33

And his good points are... ?

ILiveInAPineappleCoveredInSnow Mon 26-Aug-13 17:29:57

I think your DH sounds awful. I'm really sorry he isn't being more supportive.
I'm afraid I haven't got any advice to offer, but I just didn't want to read and run. I think perhaps your DH needs to spend a solid week on his own with your children and then he might realise you are doing a bloody good job.

FauxFox Mon 26-Aug-13 17:31:46

Well he sounds like a treat hmm

Since he's offered to take time off work i'd take him up on it and go and visit family/a friend by yourself for a week whilst he gets on with it.

LookingThroughTheFog Mon 26-Aug-13 17:33:36

Oh teaandcakes, huge hugs and sympathies. Yes, it's absolutely reasonable to be pissed off with him.

MortifiedAdams Mon 26-Aug-13 17:36:15

What a nasty, spiteful man!!

Is he ever nice to you?

marriedinwhiteisback Mon 26-Aug-13 17:38:53

Why is your dad facilitating him to spend time away from his family at weekends?

When was the last time you got a break from them?

Is DS late potty training? Are you getting any support from anyone?

NapaCab Mon 26-Aug-13 17:38:56

Take him up on his offer. Let him take 3 days off work to take care of the kids while you go away for a break and then see how he copes.

I'm sure you'll come back to 'they were awful, so badly behaved, it's all your fault, I'm so stressed now' but screw him.

I always say to my DH that when you are a SAHP, the childcare etc is your job so any criticism made is the same as me coming into his office and picking over his work, questioning how he handles his staff, correcting his spelling in e-mails (DH has terrible spelling) and generally making him feel undermined and worthless. He has got the message now and treads very carefully in what he says about DS or household stuff.

Grumpywino Mon 26-Aug-13 17:39:30

What a miserable sod he is. Well, let him take some time off to look after them while you get away from it all. I so hate people that thrive on making others unhappy.

MortifiedAdams Mon 26-Aug-13 17:39:31

3 days?! He needs seven.

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Mon 26-Aug-13 17:39:56

The thing is we can't afford for him to take time off work, fairly new job, only one wage coming etc. I would love him to experience a week in my world as he seems to think he could do my job better. He for have good points I'm just struggling to see them right now, he has had a lot of stress recently which ive tried to help him with. I am also stressed and feeling do depressed. I struggle every day, he just see's me doing fun things with kids, trips to park, picnics, playgroups, soft play etc and thinks I have an easy life. I am grateful for this time at home with them ( starting college this sept and hopefully will be employed next sept when my youngest starts school). I know hex works long hours and supports us all but don't think I should be shouted at and blamed.

I second the idea of taking him up on his offer. Let him take time off work to "sort them out" while you do whatever you like and tell him you look forward to coming home and seeing his miraculous results.

LookingForwardToVino Mon 26-Aug-13 17:41:40

I second that.

Book yourself into a spa/hotel for a weekend.

See how fantastically well 'Super Dad' copes with the reality of childcare!

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Mon 26-Aug-13 17:42:05

He is a little late admittedly, he is great at home, just turned 3 last week and he is struggling when we take him out to tell us in time hence why I put a pull up on this occasion. I am feeling stressed and crap he isn't trained yet but am trying my best.

LookingForwardToVino Mon 26-Aug-13 17:42:06

Ok I thirded that grin ....

WestieMamma Mon 26-Aug-13 17:42:19

I agree with FauxFox, take him up on his offer to have the kids and book yourself into a nice B&B for a week and accidentally leave your phone behind.

MortifiedAdams Mon 26-Aug-13 17:42:26

He is an entitled arse to a weeks annual leave at some point.

Sparklysilversequins Mon 26-Aug-13 17:44:26

He's horrible. No YANBU. Don't be upset, be cold and steely because you've done nothing wrong. My ex was like this and he was a nasty abusive man. Basically your H is blaming you for normal every day family ups and downs, which YOU could have no control over because that's how life is with small kids. I would say "well perhaps if you were a bit less selfish you'd be around a bit more and be a bit more realistic because quite frankly you are clueless about your dc right now and that's nothing to shout about" then refuse to engage till he's prepared to be civil. Knob.

MortifiedAdams Mon 26-Aug-13 17:44:35

You could kindly remind him that he is free to go.out and work without the stresses and stain of the house or the kids purely because you are always there to pick that up. If you were a separated family, he would have to do half the childcare, half the laundry, half the food shop etc etc.

BabsAndTheRu Mon 26-Aug-13 17:44:37

Your DH is a prick. Agree with all that NapaCab said. Good luck op.

MissStrawberry Mon 26-Aug-13 17:44:53

I am so sorry you are married to a wanker who believes he is God.

Everyone at some point runs out of clothes with their toddler.

Most mums buy pull ups from different shops and doesn't have the time or energy to mentally note where every last one came from as they put them on a no doubt wriggling toddler.

Next time your husband fucks off for the weekend on a jolly make sure you get yourself out with the kids and possibly go bowling without such a prick. I suspect the kids would have behaved better but tbh there doesn't seem much wrong with how they were behaving.

next time your husband says anything so threatening to your daughter you need to tell him you will cut off his dick next time he is shit in bed.

You are doing just fine but this weekend get yourself out for the day and let King Dick look after the kids all day.

teaandcakesagoodmummakes Mon 26-Aug-13 17:46:25

My dad would be upset if he thought he'd caused this to he honest, he never takes up lots of his time, it was something that had been arranged a while. I put kids to bed on sat night and then went to my friends 30th for a drink,so I do get out and have some time on my own. I just hate the way I get all the blame when I try so hard. I would love a week away or spa day etc but money is tight so would feel guilty about that and font want to burden friends or family with me staying

MissStrawberry Mon 26-Aug-13 17:46:55

And 3 IS NOT late. Every child does it at a different age. It isn't a flipping competition.

Conina Mon 26-Aug-13 17:47:36

I don't think you should be shouted at either. I don't think you could say anything about your dh now that makes me think you and your dc would be a lot better of without him. He sounds an utter arse. And if he thinks that taking two young dc out ask the time to play parks etc is easy peasy Im going to guess that he doesn't do much childcare as it is, does he?

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