To be vexed DH is upstairs playing games with DD (9)

(70 Posts)
HolidayArmadillo Mon 26-Aug-13 15:53:24

It's a typical bank holiday here with little planned, we've done a house tidy, car wash, car tidy etc. plan had been to watch films with kids and get popcorn etc, dd turned her nose up at that so I said fine but entertain yourself then. DD has always been for want of a better phrase 'high maintenance' and virtually incapable of entertaining herself, she won't play games or with toys on her own she always has to have an adult 'doing' with her and it drives me nuts. She has always been like this it isn't a new thing, anyway she decided she would play out but returned shortly after stating none if her friends were in and so 'what can I do now, I'm bored'. I suggested she play in her room or read or watch a film, she theatrically exclaimed that's what she had been doing ALL DAY and stomped off. Within 10 mins DH had followed her upstairs and is now playing board games which has annoyed me as she always gets her own way and gets one of us to entertain her. At age 9 - 10 in a few weeks AIBU to think she shouldn't expect to be entertained 24/7?

hackmum Tue 27-Aug-13 08:51:42

I do understand about having a child who won't entertain herself, and relieved to find myself not alone in this. My DD was like this from the moment she was born (she'd even get bored with the baby gym after two minutes) and boy, is it hard work! I always thought only children were supposed to be good at making their own amusement but it turns out not to be the case.

I think your just going to have to have another talk with your dh and tell him that caving in to her constantly is doing her (and you) no favours. Life can't be a constant planned activity fest. Kids do need to learn to deal with boredom or do something off their own back. And before anyone says anything , I don't mean so we can kick back drink tea and watch tv. I mean because there are things we have to do, drs appointments, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, phone calls we need to make, helping out relatives. And sometimes it's just consideration. If mum and dad are ill or a baby sibling is ill then god forbid for one day they have to actually do "nothing" without stropping.

The sooner your dh backs you up in this the sooner she might actually learn, in sure in school there must be times where she's responsible for managing her own time and doing her work without someone sat with her. If she can manage at school she can manage at home.

I hope you can get this sorted with your dh armsdillo

DropYourSword Tue 27-Aug-13 07:32:10

Thanks for clarifying a little more Armadillo. I was genuinely puzzled there! I understand more now that you had planned an inclusive family activity (watching the film) and your DD didn't want to join in but also didn't want to leave others to it. I had assumed from your OP that DD had gone off to do her thing and that DH was more than happy to go play board games with her, which I thought was lovely. So you had planned to do something with the family but it wasn't 'good enough' for her... I can now completely understand your irritation!!

HolidayArmadillo Tue 27-Aug-13 07:20:23

She didn't 'want' to play board games with DH, she just wanted to be entertained by one of us and make us responsible for the time passing, DH didn't 'want' to play board games he just didn't want to dal with the strop that ensued when she was asked to amuse herself, I'm not some wicked witch who goes in the huff because DH wants to play with the kids, neither of them had a burning desire to play a game together it was just a result of her having a huff at being asked to join in with the family activity (of sitting doing very little after a busy week/weekend which was too BORING) and him not having the patience to let her strop it out and actually find a way of entertaining herself despite being one of the first to complain that 'she can't entertain herself ever'. The combination of the two is what annoyed me, not the simple fact that they were playing games together, of course that's nice, it's lovely and it's great that DH is so keen to do it!

DropYourSword Tue 27-Aug-13 05:21:16

So you've tidied the house, washed the car, tidied the car and now DD wants to play with her dad and you're pissed off because she got her own way??

What's wrong with them paying a board game together... surely better for everyone than sitting on a computer game all day? I'm sure the time will come soon enough when she won't want to spend an extra minute with her parents and will be out all the time. Is make the most of it while you can!

Morloth Tue 27-Aug-13 05:07:08

LOL, DS1 doesn't say he is bored anymore.

There are plenty of things that can help with that...

TobyLerone Tue 27-Aug-13 04:50:50

I don't really get it either.

She's obviously had to entertain herself all day while you were tidying the house/car etc. So I don't see why she's unreasonable for wanting to do something with her dad when you've all finished.

I get how annoying the whining is. DD is 12 and did that yesterday. Then I remembered that her school had emailed with work to be completed over the holidays. So I gave her that to do. Her rage was uncontrolled grin

Morloth Tue 27-Aug-13 04:28:23

Try as I might I can't see the problem with your DH playing a board game with your DD.

If they are both happy then what is the problem?

On top

I don't think that's the case sea. I think she's annoyed because her dh caves in every time and there fore her dd had never learnt to entertain herself. It was a strop, could have been about sweets or a film it just happened to be about playing a game. op is more annoyed about the dh caving as her dd has never learnt to occupy herself and on too she has to listen to her dh moan that she won't occupy herself.

SeaSickSal Mon 26-Aug-13 22:14:10

I don't think it's U for the OP to not want to entertain her DD.

I do think it's U for the OP to expect her DD and DH to sit on their own because she says so when they could be playing together.

xuntitledx Mon 26-Aug-13 21:33:17

Slightly shocked by some of the responses here! I don't think it makes the OP a lazy parent in the slightest, as she explained, she'd already spent lots of time with her daughter.

I feel the same frustration with my step children - particularly when we've spent money doing lots of fun things (which DH and I wouldn't have had growing up!)

I don't feel it's unreasonable to ask for children to entertain themselves for an afternoon!

grin I send dd out to pick grass for the bunnies. She's quiet for at least ten mins then cos she's not in the house

sarahtigh Mon 26-Aug-13 20:55:35

my mum used to give us chores holidays when we got bored like weeding the gaps in the crazy paving, we did not get bored often grin

Whereisegg Mon 26-Aug-13 20:04:27

Wow seems to be a lot of bashing on this thread?

OP, yanbu!

I have an almost 7 year old ds who is much the same, and after playing Lego and board games for hours, I too, yearn for a cup of tea in peace, or (heaven forbid) to read the newspaper the same day I buy it.

I LOVE the idea of homework books for when the "I'm bored" whining starts!

I do sometimes wonder about dds inability to wind down. From the age of two she would actively ask for time to herself. Up until a few months back she would ask for a pyjama day. Now she hates being still, has boundless energy and always has to be doing something or going somewhere. Oh how I would live those days of snuggled and stories back. When I could be home cooking lovely meals because dd was happy watching a film. Maybe it's just a 6-7 thing?? smile

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 26-Aug-13 19:38:24


Yes, DS2 is like this. He has 2 modes: outside very active, or "I don't have anything to do!" He has an ipod Touch but it's strictly controlled.

He's basically a social being, whereas my introverted child can entertain himself all day and has to be pushed to go out/interact

HolidayArmadillo Mon 26-Aug-13 19:21:06

DD is very physically active, plays on the football team, part of a competitive dancing group etc, loves bike riding, skipping, jogging about on the spot like a hyperactive flea so it's interesting to hear of others who are similar. And it's not that I'd rather she watch a screen than play a board game but sometimes you just can't be harassed with entertaining and you just want to veg and do nothing, how many times have I read the advice on here 'have a duvet day, it won't kill the kids!'

Oh and she's not quite seven yet.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Mon 26-Aug-13 17:41:51

OP, I'm also surprised by the run of responses here - at least on page one - given the competitive non-involvement that emerges on most threads about taking your dc to the park. To go by some, if your child fell in a pond you would be helicopter parenting if you pulled them out! 'I like to encourage them to solve their own problems' grin etc.

lucybrad Mon 26-Aug-13 17:41:12

nuts that was meant to be a new thread

My dd is literally not happy unless she's doing something physically active. So anything suggested that involves sitting down (although she does do some colouring first thing in the morning) is a no go. She wants parks, scooters, bikes walks etc. I suggest she runs up and down the oath outside but that's no good. She could literally do that all day. Typical day on holiday involved a ball game after breakfast, a walk down to the park, trip to some tourist attraction a bus journey back to the caravan park followed by playing in the park at the pub where we ate. Then walk back round play in the amusements and this climbing ship and slide thing they had and a run back to the van. Literally twelve hours of activity and still she wanted to go swimming in between. By god I don't know how she had the energy but she did and still does .

lucybrad Mon 26-Aug-13 17:40:40

To expect grandparents to be around when I am scheduled for a c section but instead they are going for a weekend away - booked 9 months ago ?

WowOoo Mon 26-Aug-13 17:34:39

The moment Ds says he's bored I get him to do homework.
I have some work books that I get him to do from time to time anyway.

He thinks twice about saying it and now draws, reads or entertains himself playing stuff.. Or going on Minecraft/X box if he's been more or less well behaved.

If she's happy playing, I'd be happy. I'd rather her play a game with DH - at least she's still getting human interaction.
We do have to be alone, but if there's a choice and she chooses company I think that's fair enough.

Could she have a quick run around in the garden for some fresh air before it gets dark?

Whyamihere Mon 26-Aug-13 17:23:41

She sounds like my dd who is also 9, today I've played Lego friends with her, nurseries with her dolls, two different board games (several games of each) and we've been for a cycle ride and a meal out, but according to dd I still haven't spent enough time with her and she's been in tears because I won't play lego friends again. I could probably play solidly for 12 hours and it still wouldn't be enough.
But I would love dh to play a few board games with her - he rarely does though.

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