To be vexed DH is upstairs playing games with DD (9)

(70 Posts)
HolidayArmadillo Mon 26-Aug-13 15:53:24

It's a typical bank holiday here with little planned, we've done a house tidy, car wash, car tidy etc. plan had been to watch films with kids and get popcorn etc, dd turned her nose up at that so I said fine but entertain yourself then. DD has always been for want of a better phrase 'high maintenance' and virtually incapable of entertaining herself, she won't play games or with toys on her own she always has to have an adult 'doing' with her and it drives me nuts. She has always been like this it isn't a new thing, anyway she decided she would play out but returned shortly after stating none if her friends were in and so 'what can I do now, I'm bored'. I suggested she play in her room or read or watch a film, she theatrically exclaimed that's what she had been doing ALL DAY and stomped off. Within 10 mins DH had followed her upstairs and is now playing board games which has annoyed me as she always gets her own way and gets one of us to entertain her. At age 9 - 10 in a few weeks AIBU to think she shouldn't expect to be entertained 24/7?

StephenFrySaidSo Mon 26-Aug-13 16:44:30

"then I'll say "right, I've got to do some housework now" and she'll be outraged. "But I'm boooooooooooooored! What am I going to dooooooo?""

answer: "there's the hoover love, don't forget the cobwebs" grin

usually results in something far more interesting springing to mind wink

MortifiedAdams Mon 26-Aug-13 16:45:14

I'm openmouthed that you are cross your dd is playing a board game rather than watching a film.

NoComet Mon 26-Aug-13 16:45:27

YAB stunningly U
My DDs would faint if their dad agreed to play board games with them rather than cut the hedge, let them have fun together.

LucilleBluth Mon 26-Aug-13 16:45:32

Jesus....I will join you in the lazy parent corner OP, I have two DSs aged 9 & 11 and a toddler DD and they are all capable of entertaining themselves, it's not healthy to have a parent at your beck and call 24/7 surely.

LucilleBluth Mon 26-Aug-13 16:46:53

Also.....lots of people missing the point, it's not about her dad playing with her, which is of course lovely, it's about her lack of self sufficiency.

Gomez Mon 26-Aug-13 16:47:32

At 9 she is well beyond the needing to be entertained phase - she needs to learn to be bored.

YANBU

Crowler Mon 26-Aug-13 16:49:20

ARGH. This is my kids, exactly. It drives me CRAZY.

I keep reminding myself that I'll miss it when it passes.

McNewPants2013 Mon 26-Aug-13 16:49:48

Do you both give in to her or is it just DH.

I think a 9 year old should be able to entertain herself. But going on your OP it don't sound like you have spent any time with her. It sounds like you have done a lot of cleaning while she has been out with friends.

CrazyOldCatLady Mon 26-Aug-13 16:50:36

I used to love when my dad played with us. He always built the best Lego models. Sadly my mother was of the opinion that we should entertain ourselves and he should be off doing grown up, constructive things like DIY so we didn't get to spend time with him as often as we'd have liked.

YABveryU, for all sorts of reasons.

I have a six year old version of your DD OP so I empathise. But not sympathise because my DD's dad is a lazy sod who doesn't play with them much. sad

The house will be messy again tomorrow but she will be a bit more grown up and you'll soon be at the age where she doesn't want to play with you. Treasure her and if she's getting on your nerves get a friend round to entertain her.

HolidayArmadillo Mon 26-Aug-13 16:59:35

DH does give in more than me. I didn't realise that in my OP I Had to justify what I had done with DD (and DS, she isn't an only) over the school holidays to make sure everyone didn't jump to the conclusion I was a lazy sofa dwelling harridan! For the record I work shifts so have been around a lot during the week for DD and in the last 7 days we have been to a country park, baked cakes together, been to the cinema, been swimming, had a barbecue and been to visit grandparents. She is not some underdeveloped little flower who gets no attention when daddy the rescuer isn't here! I just frustratedly assumed that having done all. Of this she might be prepared to amuse herself for the day when clearly there were things in the house that needed doing or she could take part in the activity DH and I had put to her.

StephenFry - she does actually offer to help me quite often. She'll hoover or clean the kitchen cupboards., or tidy her room. But inevitably she'll get bored of this and then want to do something else.

I've just been discussing this thread with DH, and he says he was exactly the same as our DD when he was a child. i.e. ants in his pants, had to always be doing something.

He said that eventually he got into various hobbies, which he then spent all his time obsessively doing, and that was the answer for him. So I think we need to find DD a hobby/ interest, so I'll think about that.

Any suggestions would be welcome!

HolidayArmadillo Mon 26-Aug-13 17:00:51

Or that if she wouldn't do any of the above DH wouldn't decide to pander to her so that once again the message 'sometimes you need to entertain yourself' gets lost in the post!

Floralnomad Mon 26-Aug-13 17:05:24

I'm in no way saying that children shouldn't be able to entertain themselves but I'm staggered that someone is complaining that their child would rather play a board game than be sat in front of a screen .

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 26-Aug-13 17:09:00

I understand where you are coming from. DS2 is like this. DH is brilliant with him, in that he'll do something useful with DS2 - like cleaning the car or baking some bread.

Letting children be bored, after initial tantrums, often results in them doing something interesting off their own back, so it's really important not to always give in.

DS2 is a real action boy, but once he got into reading, he has always had that to fall back on when no-one can "play" with him.

ConflictDodger Mon 26-Aug-13 17:10:54

Kids do need to learn to entertain themselves. If it was a one off I would think you were being very unreasonable but I do get that some kids are like this all the time.

To me it is really important that kids learn to find coping strategies for being bored. Occasional boredom is a part of life and everyone needs to learn to deal with it. (For me it was in my old job stuck in a meeting that seemed to go on forever. I regularly felt like whining, 'But I'm boooooored!')

ConflictDodger Mon 26-Aug-13 17:11:37

And I agree that encouraging reading is the way forward! I was never bored as a child because I loved to read grin

Yes I'll do this. DD reads a bit, but hasn't caught the "reading bug" yet. When i was her age I had my nose in a book permanently. I need to get her into a LONG SERIES of books. grin

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 26-Aug-13 17:18:53

Mr Gum series is good for 9 year olds

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 26-Aug-13 17:20:32

iwasyoungonce - sorry that was to the OP. If she's a goodish reader, have a look at Mr Gum

Also The Roddy Doyle books are really good

Whyamihere Mon 26-Aug-13 17:23:41

She sounds like my dd who is also 9, today I've played Lego friends with her, nurseries with her dolls, two different board games (several games of each) and we've been for a cycle ride and a meal out, but according to dd I still haven't spent enough time with her and she's been in tears because I won't play lego friends again. I could probably play solidly for 12 hours and it still wouldn't be enough.
But I would love dh to play a few board games with her - he rarely does though.

WowOoo Mon 26-Aug-13 17:34:39

The moment Ds says he's bored I get him to do homework.
I have some work books that I get him to do from time to time anyway.

He thinks twice about saying it and now draws, reads or entertains himself playing stuff.. Or going on Minecraft/X box if he's been more or less well behaved.

If she's happy playing, I'd be happy. I'd rather her play a game with DH - at least she's still getting human interaction.
We do have to be alone, but if there's a choice and she chooses company I think that's fair enough.

Could she have a quick run around in the garden for some fresh air before it gets dark?

lucybrad Mon 26-Aug-13 17:40:40

To expect grandparents to be around when I am scheduled for a c section but instead they are going for a weekend away - booked 9 months ago ?

My dd is literally not happy unless she's doing something physically active. So anything suggested that involves sitting down (although she does do some colouring first thing in the morning) is a no go. She wants parks, scooters, bikes walks etc. I suggest she runs up and down the oath outside but that's no good. She could literally do that all day. Typical day on holiday involved a ball game after breakfast, a walk down to the park, trip to some tourist attraction a bus journey back to the caravan park followed by playing in the park at the pub where we ate. Then walk back round play in the amusements and this climbing ship and slide thing they had and a run back to the van. Literally twelve hours of activity and still she wanted to go swimming in between. By god I don't know how she had the energy but she did and still does .

lucybrad Mon 26-Aug-13 17:41:12

nuts that was meant to be a new thread

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