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To be vexed DH is upstairs playing games with DD (9)

(70 Posts)
HolidayArmadillo Netherlands Mon 26-Aug-13 15:53:24

It's a typical bank holiday here with little planned, we've done a house tidy, car wash, car tidy etc. plan had been to watch films with kids and get popcorn etc, dd turned her nose up at that so I said fine but entertain yourself then. DD has always been for want of a better phrase 'high maintenance' and virtually incapable of entertaining herself, she won't play games or with toys on her own she always has to have an adult 'doing' with her and it drives me nuts. She has always been like this it isn't a new thing, anyway she decided she would play out but returned shortly after stating none if her friends were in and so 'what can I do now, I'm bored'. I suggested she play in her room or read or watch a film, she theatrically exclaimed that's what she had been doing ALL DAY and stomped off. Within 10 mins DH had followed her upstairs and is now playing board games which has annoyed me as she always gets her own way and gets one of us to entertain her. At age 9 - 10 in a few weeks AIBU to think she shouldn't expect to be entertained 24/7?

saintmerryweather Mon 26-Aug-13 15:56:18

yanbu

In my house I'd be over the moon that DD was getting her dads full attention - and I could spend the afternoon on mumsnet without getting interupted. wink

mynewpassion Mon 26-Aug-13 15:57:41

Maybe he wants to play with her.

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 16:01:20

she sounds a bit like you op. why don't you all play a board game together?

and not getting this 'play in her room thing' this is holiday family time.

just remember she's already 9, in a few years she'll be out all the time and only ask you for money and lifts.

my 4 are all out, wish they were 9 again!!

sweetestcup Mon 26-Aug-13 16:02:59

Yanbu but yes maybe your DH wants to. This would annoy me though if my 11 year old was like this.

BrokenSunglasses Mon 26-Aug-13 16:04:12

You are annoyed that your husband is playing with your child? You think it's a problem because your daughter wants to spend as much time playing with her parents as she can?

Seriously?

hmm

Yanbu. I spend hours taking my dds out and about in the holidays. And the second we are home dd1 announces she's bored. I too get increasingly annoyed that she can't entertain herself for five mins so that I can get something done.

It's one day, I don't think your expecting too much for your dd to occupy herself and I can see why you are annoyed at your dh for givin into the whining.

AmI right in thinking that the problem isn't that he's sting with her, more that he's given in to her strop?

Sting? Playing blush

HolidayArmadillo Netherlands Mon 26-Aug-13 16:09:56

She sounds a bit like me?! confused this weekend she has been taken swimming, played out with friends, the cinema and had a sleepover. A suggestion was made for her to do something with us that didn't A) involve spending money or B) expend much energy (I did a 60 mile charity bike ride yesterday and ache everywhere today) and she didn't want to do it so I suggested playing in her room, not sending her to borstal! I guess what I'm trying to say is how can I ever expect her to entertain herself if each time I try to encourage it DH panders to her and plays with her, which is lovely but very wearing to have a 9 year old who is incapable of amusing herself!

HolidayArmadillo Netherlands Mon 26-Aug-13 16:10:49

Caffeine yes, that is more the issue.

StephenFrySaidSo Mon 26-Aug-13 16:11:54

hang on- so because your DD didn't want to do the things you wanted to do, she's shouldn't be allowed to do the things she does want to do with an adult who wants to do those things with her? she should spend the bank holiday in her room on her own? hmm

StephenFrySaidSo Mon 26-Aug-13 16:15:07

why do you care aslong as you're not the one having to play with her? if your dh is happy to be with her then why is it a problem that she likes having someone with her? you don't get to dictate the relationship her father has with her just because it's not what you would do.

I think you have a point tbh.

No one has the time energy or money to fill every second of every day. They do need to learn to occupy themselves. Houses don't clean themselves and a person has to cook tea. Surely between books, DVDs electronic gadgets and a garden they can think of something.

Dackyduddles Mon 26-Aug-13 16:15:12

Stephen, excellent point!

HolidayArmadillo Netherlands Mon 26-Aug-13 16:19:10

Ok I guess iabu but I just obviously live in an odd parallel universe where i think kids should be able to entertain themselves at least some of the time. It gets wearing. Really wearing. And DH gets that too. He gets just as exasperated by it as I do but he's a giver inner. Anything for an easy life. I accept the overwhelming response is IABU but sometimes Mumsnet is an odd place to hang around!

HolidayArmadillo Netherlands Mon 26-Aug-13 16:20:15

- in that it doesn't reflect any of my thoughts at times so I feel completely at odds with the rest of the world! (Before anyone gets offended!)

Floralnomad Mon 26-Aug-13 16:25:23

So you spent yesterday on a marathon bike ride and don't want to entertain your daughter today ! TBH I think you are quite brave posting this because you actually come across as a lazy parent .

StephenFrySaidSo Mon 26-Aug-13 16:26:06

if I have things to do in the house I tell the dcs i'm busy and they'll have to entertain themselves. but I certainly wouldn't object if my dad arrived and went and played with them while I did whatever I was doing, even if I did just want ten minutes with a cuppa and yes I tell them I want a ten minute break to MN and drink tea and please not to disturb me for a bit. ds2 is fine and clears off outside, ds1 whinges almost every ten minutes about being bored. sometimes I can unbore him with a game or go to park or what ever but other times I have to do things so i just get on with it an if he whinges i ignore it- i still wouldn't be pissed off if someone else arrived and played with him. i'd probably say "thanks he was getting on my last nerve" grin

Room for two on your planet? smile

I have a dd who can be pretty similar. We still in summer hols. We've seen friends , been to parks, been out for lunch, had friends over in the paddling pool many times. We've been on holiday, we've been shopping, she's played with friends dogs and spent hours outside with friends.

Today I dared to start cleaning the shithole house as we haven't actually been in long enough to do it in bloody weeks and I've been confronted with "I'm bored we never do anything etc" because I dared to sit down for five mins with dd2 who just worked herself up into a state and needed calming down. Give up sometimes I really do.

HolidayArmadillo Netherlands Mon 26-Aug-13 16:33:12

Ha fair enough StephenFry, I get that but it's just annoying when DH complains that she can't entertain herself and then trots off to entertain her as soon as she strops. Caffeine I'll budge up and let you in, lazy parents hmm unite!

brew &cake smile

In all honesty they have been out seen friends had an ice lolly, had lunch and played with dp. He dared nip out to the shops and I dared to Hoover the bedrooms so no, I don't think ten minutes entertaining herself is much to ask. Especially as dd2 manages just fine most the time.

What to do with children with ants in their pants hey. grin

I understand where you are coming from too. my DD is 7, and exactly as you describe.

We can go to the skate park in the morning, get home and make a cake together, read a book together, or do something craft-y, then I'll say "right, I've got to do some housework now" and she'll be outraged. "But I'm boooooooooooooored! What am I going to dooooooo?"

Drives me nuts. She just can't entertain herself for more that 5 minutes.

I don't think you sound like a lazy mum.

DontmindifIdo Mon 26-Aug-13 16:40:19

hmm, I have a DH who does a lot of bike riding. This has lead to a rule in our house, whatever you chose to do in your "me time" can not impact on your ability to parent in family time. So in our house, a 60 mile bike ride that you chose to do would not mean you had a get out of doing anything today.

Its not a bad thing your DH is playing with DD, he's giving you a break from listening to a whiny bored child, she won't suddenly become a girl whos happy to do independent playing just because you're knackered, some DCs just need to be entertained more than others.

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