AIBU to be a bit cross and disgusted that my sister is still going to let her dog sleep on her bed?

(63 Posts)
NoDogsOnTheBed Mon 26-Aug-13 14:48:52

My sister has a smallish dog that she lets sleep in with her and her husband. He's around 8 or 9 years old and has been allowed to do this since day one when they got him when he was around 4 years old.

He can be a bit aggressive sometimes, but is generally just a bit of an anti social dog more than anything else.

My sister is pregnant and is going to have her baby in approximately 3 or 4 months time.

She has said recently that she can't not let her dog stay in her bed/bedroom because he's so used of it, he couldn't cope without being in with her and her husband.

AIBU to think this is pretty dangerous when the newborn baby is also going to be in the same room as they are? He could jump in the moses basket/cot/pram (possibly) and when she brings the baby in to breastfeed the dog could get aggressive as he's very territorial and jealous. Equally he sheds a lot of hairs and would get loads of hairs on the blanket and the baby could get that in their mouth.

We have a dog too but he sleeps outside in the corridor when we are in bed (daughter is 5 months old).

I don't think I can do anything else about this as she seems pretty adamant about it and is a lovely person but is very stubborn and set in her ways and don't want to start an argument with her but AIBU to really quite worried about this?

Prepared to be called silly as many posters are on AIBU, but just really don't think it's all that safe.

NCd as she could possibly be on MN.

Pawprint Mon 26-Aug-13 14:52:03

I think you ANBU but I think it's up to your sis to prepare dog for baby. I would train him to use a crate, personally.

NoDogsOnTheBed Mon 26-Aug-13 14:52:51

*them in their mouth, even.

LtEveDallas Mon 26-Aug-13 14:54:31

How about you keep your nose out? YABU to consider that something your sister does is anything to do with you. If your sister suddenly changes the way she lives with her dog just because of a new baby then actually that could be a lot worse than a few hairs on the bed.

DoJo Mon 26-Aug-13 14:56:57

I don't think YABU to be worried, but there's not much you can do. I'm pretty sure that when the baby comes they will reconsider things if need be - I'm sure the protective instincts will kick in and they will sort out a way for everyone to coexist happily.

LillethTheCat Mon 26-Aug-13 14:57:18

What Dallas said

skyeskyeskye Mon 26-Aug-13 15:00:16

YANBU. The dog should not be in her room with the baby. However you may find her opinions will change once she has the baby. At the moment the dog is her baby and she can't imagine anything else but the baby will come first.

My friend wasnt going to let the baby change the dogs life. That soon changed and dog was shut in kitchen to keep the baby safe.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 26-Aug-13 15:01:37

I think its dirty to have a dog on your bed anyway and they are planning on having a baby in there too FFS do we still live in caves

skyeskyeskye Mon 26-Aug-13 15:02:34

They should start to shut the dog out now though, so that it is used to it by the time the baby arrives and therefore doesn't associate it with the baby's arrival.

That's what we did with our cats, shut them out of upstairs, three months before the baby arrived.

StephenFrySaidSo Mon 26-Aug-13 15:02:59

well, there's nothing you can do about it, and nor should there be.

but I agree with you for the very fact that dogs on beds is disgusting for adults, let alone newborns with their higher chances of catching things. boke. I have a lovely cuddly dog and have had him on my bed at nights but I just couldn't cope with the dirt that I could see never mind the stuff I couldn't so he's back in the living room now and he has not just survived but thrived grin I couldn't imagine putting a tiny new baby into a bed full of dog fur and drool and arse produce! bleaugh.

midori1999 Mon 26-Aug-13 15:04:50

YABU, it's up to your sister to make decisions she feels are right for her own family. Presumably she's not an idiot in general?

A bit of dog hair won't do any harm and I hate to tell you, but if the dog sheds a lot the baby is likely to end up with dog hair on or in it whether the dog is allowed in the bedroom or not.

If she was going to co-sleep with the baby - YANBU, it's not safe to share a bed with a baby and a dog.

But she isn't. My dog sleeps in our bed, every night. Unless she is sleeping in DS's bed.

The jealousy part though, sounds a concern.

5hounds Mon 26-Aug-13 15:10:15

I have a basset hound. She sleeps under my duvet at night in my bed. I wouldnt let her if I had a baby, but I dont. Maybe a dog bed in her room with some nice chews and toys?

BrokenSunglasses Mon 26-Aug-13 15:11:16

I think you have to leave it up to your sister. She's not going to want any harm to come to her baby either, so she is unlikely to do anything that she thinks is a risk to its safety.

She might change her mind when the baby is born and she sees how the dog reacts to the baby. I've known dog owners to be worried about their dog being jealous of a new baby only to discover that the dog turns out to be very loving and protective of the baby.

There are some things you just can't make firm decisions on until after a baby is born.

NoDogsOnTheBed Mon 26-Aug-13 16:59:55

I am not saying the worst part is the pet hairs, it's the dog possibly being aggressive to the baby and possibly hurting the baby whilst my sister and her husband are asleep.

I agree that perhaps she'll reconsider when my nephew is born (at least I hope so) but worried like skye said I think it would be best to get her dog used to it now as I am worried that it will be associated with the new baby and I don't want that.

He is a lovely dog really and I don't have any problems with him but he does give my little girl the weird eyes when she gets more attention than he does. He's just so used to it.

But otherwise I think my sister will be an amazing parent and can't wait to meet my little nephew!

LookingForwardToVino Mon 26-Aug-13 17:05:46

Dogs can react strangely around new born cries sometimes.

I can remember that story about the Jack Russell that got upstairs and in to a Moses basket. Apparently a nice family pet usually, but the dog ragged the baby to death. Gave me nightmares.

My jackhuahua definitely wouldn't be allowed into my room to sleep with us and the baby.

But if she is willing to take that risk I'm afraid there isn't much you can do about it sad

NoDogsOnTheBed Mon 26-Aug-13 17:07:30

I definitely agree with you Broken. I don't think she'd do anything to put her baby in danger but doesn't realise what trouble it could be.

I was asking if I was unreasonable thinking it. I'm not going to lecture her about it or do anything about it, so I'm not interfering in any way at all as I don't think there is anything I could say anyway and I think it would just be preaching and preaching isn't good.

I would say something however, if she'd had her baby and the dog was acting aggressively as I'd have a specific concern to mention but I really think if that happened she'd out the dog into the corridor. I just don't want it to get to that stage iyswim because newborns are just so sensitive and you just don't know, do you?

Wasn't long since I had a newborn myself and I was very careful with her around our dog. He's amazingly placid and friendly but he tried to give her his paw as that's what he thought she'd want, so we had to be careful. Now he licks her toes and belly, if he was given the chance and wags his tail when he sees her. It's lovely, actually.

She also always has a big grin on her face when she sees him and will even stop crying when she sees him smile

CaptainCapybara Mon 26-Aug-13 17:31:19

YANBU, I would have concerns over a dog being in the room with the baby when the parents are asleep and unable to see if the dog was showing signs of aggression to the baby until it was too late. Pets can attack babies, my cat wasn't allowed in our bedroom when DD was in her crib in beside us, better safe than sorry, a pet can sleep in another room.

NoDogsOnTheBed Mon 26-Aug-13 18:24:49

Captain Partner's dog and my parents cat are always in a different room and will be until she is old enough to bat them away if they bother her.

MortifiedAdams Mon 26-Aug-13 18:27:46

She might put baby straight into their own bedroom - lots of people do do this.

Nagoo Mon 26-Aug-13 18:33:14

She'll quite possibly alter her arrangements as she progresses into the pregnancy, there are a lot of adjustments to make, and you shouldn't try to rush her, pregnant women do not respond well to interference grin

booksandchoc Mon 26-Aug-13 18:46:36

I tried to train my dog out of sleeping in the bed when I was pregnant, but he barked all night and scratched my doors trying to get through them. I was worried what his behaviour would be like towards my baby because he can be jealous and territorial but he couldn't have cared less about her. As long as still got his cuddles he was fine. DD was in a Moses basket beside me and he never tried to get in beside her, he never showed any signs of aggression towards her. Every dog is different, and most are kind and loving, so best to just wait and see what the dog is like when the baby is born. It's not always a simple case of putting the dog in the hall or a crate.

MintyChops Mon 26-Aug-13 19:06:25

Both my babies went straight into their own rooms and the dog (son number 1) stayed on the end of our bed. Problem solved.

StephenFrySaidSo Mon 26-Aug-13 19:12:24

hmm

thebody Mon 26-Aug-13 19:13:24

yeah loads of people put baby to bed in another room to sleep you know. all of my sils did. one on a different floor!!!

it's generally mumsnetty to co sleep, sling until the child is at least 3 and bf until puberty . 😄

if she asks your advice then by all means give it otherwise do not offer any.

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