to expect a little common courtesy?

(50 Posts)
DaleyBump Mon 26-Aug-13 12:39:18

I'm 26 weeks pregnant. Very obviously so. AIBU to expect people not to light up and smoke around me? For example, over the past two days I've had to ask four people to stop smoking in the bus shelter, even though there are huge red signs up all over the place saying it's illegal. I don't understand why I should be expected to chose between either standing in the rain or sitting in second hand smoke. And I also don't understand why people get so arsey about being asked not to smoke around a pregnant woman. Please tell me if AIBU, because I really can't see it if I am.

DaleyBump Mon 26-Aug-13 12:39:49

*IABU

DaleyBump Mon 26-Aug-13 12:41:11

I would also like to say that I'm an ex smoker (stopped when I got pregnant) so it's not like I'm saying "nobody should smoke ever."

If its somewhere (eg bus stop, hospital entrance) where smoking isn't allowed then yadnbu, but if its a random street corner then yabu. But this being mn, you are bound to be strongly advised that your pregnancy should in no way impact on anyone in the world but you, and how dare you infringe on any of these poor smokers' civil rights. smile

PresidentServalan Mon 26-Aug-13 12:50:06

Even if you are obviously pregnant, people still may not notice - I don't pay any attention to others when I'm out and about, am in my own little world. You may also find that people will smoke around you without noticing - and even if they do notice they might not be bothered. YANBU asking people not to do it, but you might be better off moving away from them. If someone's behaviour us unacceptable to you, then really it is up to you to move away from it.

CaptainCapybara Mon 26-Aug-13 12:50:24

YANBU to think they shouldn't smoke somewhere it's banned regardless of who else is around.

MidniteScribbler Mon 26-Aug-13 12:52:35

My theory is that if a person who wants to smoke moves in to an area where someone isn't smoking, then a polite "do you mind if I smoke" is appropriate before lighting up. If a non smoker moves in to a space where a smoker is already smoking, then they shouldn't have to move. My own twist on the "I was here first" playground theory.

HeySoulSister Mon 26-Aug-13 12:55:12

Big red signs saying its illegal? I haven't seen those??

In a bus shelter you say?

PresidentServalan Mon 26-Aug-13 12:56:13

no of course they shouldn't be smoking in places where it is illegal. But you can't expect total strangers to care if you are pregnant - if they do, then great but many people won't.

PresidentServalan Mon 26-Aug-13 12:57:03

Midnite grin

YalleyoftheDolls87 Mon 26-Aug-13 12:57:10

Meh. People don't really take notice of who or what is around them.

If you ask them to stop depending on where you both are then yes they should probably stop.

It also depends on how you are asking them too.

MidniteScribbler Mon 26-Aug-13 12:58:57

It's banned on all covered platforms and bus shelters here.

HeySoulSister Mon 26-Aug-13 12:59:39

Is it really illegal to smoke at bus shelters tho? I didn't know this.... Ours are like a canopy you stand under

HeySoulSister Mon 26-Aug-13 13:00:25

I don't smoke so don't generally notice these things

ben5 Mon 26-Aug-13 13:01:27

I'm normally very literal around smokers who smoke in areas asking them not to. A polite ' would you like me to read you the sign?' Now my sons are 7 & 9 I often get them to read the sign, and them tell them how clever they are as some adults aren't able to read !!!

YANBU to expect (and tell) people not to smoke in places where it is illegal, but asking someone to stop smoking because you are pregnant is a BU.

Bowlersarm Mon 26-Aug-13 13:04:22

YANBU if they are smoking where they are not allowed to.

YABU if it's not against the law. Whilst it would be nice if the general public were a bit more considerate, they are not going to adjust their lives to suit you, pregnant or not, who is a random stranger. They shouldn't be expected to IMO. You should move away from them.

TeaAndABiscuit Mon 26-Aug-13 13:04:29

If it was in the open air it wouldn't bother me that much TBH but if I was a smoker I would be a but more considerate than to blow smoke all over someone else. They were probably in a world of their own.

ageofgrandillusion Mon 26-Aug-13 13:09:01

Ben5 I'm normally very literal around smokers who smoke in areas asking them not to. A polite ' would you like me to read you the sign?' Now my sons are 7 & 9 I often get them to read the sign, and them tell them how clever they are as some adults aren't able to read !!!
If somebody said this to me, i'd respond with a polite, 'fuck off'.

When I smoked I was always hyper-aware and would indeed stand in the rain rather than smoke too close to other people, whether I knew if they minded or not. In bus shelters I would only smoke if there was nobody else there, or if the other person there was also smoking. It is just manners. But if I was already smoking and somebody came along I would not move for them - I was there first.

But despite this, part of me thinks that it's not worth getting in a tizz about. To a certain extent, I think we should all just tend our own gardens; if I don't like something someone's doing (smoking doesn't bother me, but for example loud obnoxious phone conversations sometimes do) I have the choice to stand elsewhere, rain or no rain. I can police my own actions but shouldn't expect strangers to arrange themselves around what I want when it is in my power to move away.

And in real terms, the risk to your unborn baby from a few whiffs of someone's cigarette in an outdoor area is really, really negligible.

DaleyBump Mon 26-Aug-13 13:18:13

I never ask someone not to smoke around me somewhere it's not illegal. I agree that would be unreasonable.

PresidentServalan Mon 26-Aug-13 13:18:58

Ben5 - my reaction would be the same as ageof - why bother being passive aggressive about it, it's not like everyone is going to say 'oh yes of course you are right, I will put my cigarette out immediately'

DaleyBump Mon 26-Aug-13 13:19:34

Bitchy, are you saying that if I'm sitting in a bus stop with a huge bump and aching back and you come in and light up, even though it's illegal, you would expect me to move?

AnotherStitchInTime Mon 26-Aug-13 13:19:54

I ask people to stop at some bus shelters and even my local tube station where the bus station is upstairs.

I have to stand there to catch a bus, my kids have a right not to be exposed to their smoke. It is illegal to smoke in any enclosed space so provided that the bus stop has a roof supported by two walls then it is seen as enclosed. They have to meet the 50% enclosed rule to qualify.

jacks365 Mon 26-Aug-13 13:20:29

Some bus shelters are non smoking others aren't it all depends on how much side wall there is, round us some are some aren't nobody takes a blind bit of notice either way.

YANBU to request people don't smoke in a no smoking area using your pregnancy as a reason though is annoying.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now