to hate it when women suggest their menflok are like an extra child?

(267 Posts)

angry

If he doesn't step up to the plate, get them to improve and stop enabling the behaviuor.

It's not rocket surgery.

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Aug-13 22:28:55

I know one or two women who encourage their DPs to act like helpless kids in the home.

I think they need to feel needed and irreplaceable...therefore they don't actually want them to know how the washing machine works, or how to cook and iron etc...

I don't know how they can live like that

I couldn't respect any man or woman who hasn't bothered to learn such basic life skills, and are happy to leave it to someone else.

ILoveSpaniels Sun 25-Aug-13 22:32:43

'Get them' to improve??? So it is the woman's fault, really???

Some men are just downright hopeless and useless, despite how much the woman might try to help him or push him!!

And if she WANTS to complain, let her!! After all, YOU are complaining about a few posts on a forum!! SHE has to live with the fool!

RussianBlu Sun 25-Aug-13 22:34:44

Menflok, I like it. A flok of men.

RobynThicke Sun 25-Aug-13 22:35:57

Menflok is a better term than menfolk. That's a keeper. Oh, and YANBU.

TylerHopkins Sun 25-Aug-13 22:36:05

I want to know more about rocket surgery grin

hettienne Sun 25-Aug-13 22:36:24

Some men are shits. They aren't "hopeless and useless", they're just disrespectful and lazy!

Hemlet Sun 25-Aug-13 22:36:55

Eeee I say rocket surgery too :-D

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Aug-13 22:37:17

Some men are just downright hopeless and useless, despite how much the woman might try to help him or push him!!

I disagree with that ^^

I have never met any NT adult who can't basically feed themselves/their family...clean the house and do some shopping etc.

However, I have met plenty who say they can't...and so their DW will do it instead.

I've also known some men who are 'shooed' from the kitchen and 1 whose wife actually grabbed the shirt he was ironing, because she couldn't bare to see him 'doing it wrong'.

There's a lot of fuckwittery going on in the world.

ILoveSpaniels Sun 25-Aug-13 22:37:57

slaps head WISh I had seen menflok!!! Hahahaha!!!! grin grin

acer12 Sun 25-Aug-13 22:38:36

I want to know about rocket surgery too!

Love it ha ha grin

VikingLady Sun 25-Aug-13 22:40:19

So am I not allowed to complain about him whilst I educate him/undo his martyr mummy's work?

morethanpotatoprints Sun 25-Aug-13 22:40:21

Wtf is rocket surgery?

Some men are like an extra child and apart from leave them, there's very little you could do anyway. That is presuming its a woman's job to change a man, which is impossible anyway.
Surely, you grin and bear or find a better one.

Annunziata Sun 25-Aug-13 22:40:36

Meh, I knew DH wouldn't do any housework when I married him, I am quite happy with my lot.

LoopyLupo Sun 25-Aug-13 22:41:08

Whilst I agree with gist of your post ILoveSpaniels, she doesn't have to live with him.

I told dh tonight he is a manchild and I'm fed up being the only one responsible for everything. Everything he is meant to organise he fucks up. I'm fed up to the back teeth of his incompetence.

I am very jealous of women who know their husband will take care of the car/the dc's appointments/anything at all <<sigh>>.

If anything goes wrong in this house, I have to sort it. If I can't be arsed and leave it to him, it just ends up 100x times worse and then I have to an even bigger problem to resolve.

He cannot be trusted even to make a simple phonecall without me asking if he has done it. I've tried not asking, and he just doesn't do it. So, honestly am I enabling him? I don't know anymore. I think the choice lies between me nagging (and venting on here) or just doing it myself and not involving him.

But he does cook and clean so that does mean I am actually lucky and should stop moaning?

ILoveSpaniels Sun 25-Aug-13 22:41:35

Liberty....you are right actually!!! They are hopeless in SOME ways..but not totally!!

I do think though, that a lot of men were brought up (by indulgent parents) to be pretty useless around the house, and so when they are finally expected to DO something and pull their weight, they don't know how!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 25-Aug-13 22:41:45

MIL is currently doing my head in at the moment as she keeps saying "Oh well you know BOYS do that....that's what having a BOY is like." and it's always related to a negative.

FranSanDisco Sun 25-Aug-13 22:42:08

No, it's not rocket surgery it's brain science surely. Loving the idea of a flok of men - baaa.

LoopyLupo Sun 25-Aug-13 22:42:09

"undo martyr mummy's work" - exactly the fucking problem in this house.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 25-Aug-13 22:42:10

I don't have boys but I wish she wouldn't tar males like that.

AgentZigzag Sun 25-Aug-13 22:42:27

It is up to the woman to 'get them' to improve Spaniels, if they decide they want to stay with them.

Like Worra says, some women actually encourage the dependency.

Some maybe genuinely like doing things for other people, but I know others who get a lot out of the control and opportunity to manipulate the other person.

They can also be a bit smug at how great they are at the 'job'.

If the woman's insecure, she might think it makes it harder for them to leave?

I do a lot around the house, but I've never even caught a whiff of ingratitude or entitlement from DH <boot/arse if I did>

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 25-Aug-13 22:43:31

Menflok!

That's what you get at a football match!

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Aug-13 22:43:33

So these men that don't know (apparently) how to do housework...

If you died tomorrow, your kids would end up in care I take it?

Or they'd have to hire a live in housekeeper?

The very reason I split with DS's dad was because I couldn't face a life of trying to change him from manchild to a functioning adult.

Late 30's, still lives with his mum who does everything for him, no intention of moving out.

I couldn't handle it so I walked away.

Suppose.he is an extreme example though. He's a lovely person, DS adores him and it's a shame but I'm not prepared to add more stress to my life.

Doearwigsmakechutney Sun 25-Aug-13 22:47:04

Loopylupo - you have my sympathy. Learned helplessness, IMO. Hard to know what to do when the responsibility all rests with you and, when it doesn't, stuff is mislaid, fucked up or neglected. And my DH cooks and cleans too (though that's taken a while to ingrain). Grr grrr grrr

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