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AIBU to think this is quite bitchy behaviour or am I just being over-sensitive?

(136 Posts)
BrokenLullaby Sun 25-Aug-13 21:17:09

We had quite nice weather last week so a friend arranged for her, me and two other friends to meet up at a local pub for a drink after work.

We all live in the same town but they live very close together so they would have arranged to walk down together. I got there a little late as I have quite a long way to drive from work, had already told friend I could be late depending on traffic.

Anyway when I got there I assumed they would be sat outside, I drove by but couldn't see them and there was quite a lot of people there. This is going to sound pathetic but I'm not a very confident person and I don't like just walking into places by myself (silly I admit) so I thought I would ring them to make sure they were there.

Rang friend A - no answer, rang friend B - no answer, rang friend B again she picked up told me where they were and I went in to meet them. The signal is quite rubbish in that area so I didn't think anything of it.

Yesterday I went over to friend C's house for coffee and I was told that when I rang friend A she looked at her phone and went "why is she ringing me?" hmm and then purposely didn't answer her phone.

When I rang friend B's phone, friend A said "Friend B don't answer it". When I rang again Friend C pretty much said - "what the hell is the problem just answer the phone" - which is the only reason my friend B did.

I was quite upset by it because if I could see them I wouldn't have been sat in my car trying to ring them I would have just gone straight over to them. And if it was the other way around I wouldn't have even hesitated answering my friends call - it would have been a non-issue.

Aibu to think Friend A's behaviour was quite bitchy and to a certain extent so was Friend B's or am I just being ridiculously over sensitive about it all?

BrianTheMole Sun 25-Aug-13 22:02:35

They all sound a bit mean. A for not answering. B for not answering because A told her not to. And C for telling you. I don't have a problem walking in to places by myself, but when I was a teen I found it very hard. I think its a bit tight of them to do that to you. Btw did they walk in by themselves or meet in the carpark first?

Maryz Sun 25-Aug-13 22:03:05

x-posted, maddening

QueenBach Sun 25-Aug-13 22:03:12

Some of these replies are quite bitchy behaviour to be fair.

Saying - they all don't like you, your friendship is coming to an end, you are clingy, you are annoying.

Damn ...

BrianTheMole Sun 25-Aug-13 22:07:25

I find the word fucktard offensive cocacolamum

i don't like it either. Have you thought what it might actually mean cocacolamum? I'm not trying to target you, but sometimes people say things without thinking through the meaning of it and what it might mean to others.

NapaCab Sun 25-Aug-13 22:11:17

It wouldn't bother me to walk into a pub on my own and look for the people I was meeting. Maybe your friends are the same and just can't see why you need to call them to ask where they are?

It's a bit impatient of them to remark on it but hardly vicious or bitchy. They might just not understand why on earth you have to call them to be reassured when you're meeting them and find it an annoying habit. Even friends you really like can wind you up with small quirks or habits now and again.

GrendelsMum Sun 25-Aug-13 22:13:34

I'm not trying to be bitchy, QueenBack, by saying that perhaps the friendship with friend A is coming to a natural end. It seems to me that either the OP is unconsciously doing something that is annoying her friends, so they no longer want to take her calls, or that Friend A and perhaps friend B are not genuinely her friends, in which case the friendship has run its course. If the situation as its been described here, then those seem to be the possible options.

BalloonSlayer Sun 25-Aug-13 22:16:47

C isn't a "Wendy" is she?

Sounds like she is stirring.

jessalwithlove Sun 25-Aug-13 22:19:05

What is the big deal if you call your friends before you enter the pub, lots do. You have every right to be upset I would be , but like lots of friendships a time when you grow out of eachother, Stop calling them join something you enjoy sounds like a cliche for confidence & like minded ppl Not everyones such a hard ass

FranSanDisco Sun 25-Aug-13 22:20:53

Friend A thinks she's the leader of the gang. Whoever was going to be last to the pub would be talked about prior to their arrival. Friends B and C haven't the spine to tell her to stop being a bitch as they are simply grateful she's not bitching about them. Friend C had a little guilt trip and told you. If you can just accept your friends can be bitches then you won't stress. TBH I don't like walking into places alone either smile.

QueenBach Sun 25-Aug-13 22:22:06

I've rung my friends before meeting them because it just makes sense.

If it's a big place and you had no idea they were there yet you could save a table and be sit by yourself when they are already there waiting for you getting annoyed.

Or sometimes depending on what time you get there they might have moved on to another place for a drink.

It just makes life easier to say "hey are you there yet? - either great see you in there or ok I'll get us a table"

It's hopefully wouldn't be classed as clingy or annoying - just making life easier on everyone.

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Aug-13 22:22:44

QueenBach what are we supposed to do, if not offer up our thoughts?

I really don't think the two 'friends' who ignored her call, like the OP.

If you find that bitchy, then so be it.

alemci Sun 25-Aug-13 22:25:39

they don't sound that great, maybe it's the group thing. find some new friends, you sound nice and I'm sure othes wouldn't behave like that

Notkeenonzumba Sun 25-Aug-13 22:35:25

I think Friend A sounds like a childish schoolgirl, and friend B sounds like an easily led sheep. I'd give Friend C the benefit of the doubt for now, it sounds as though her intentions were good in telling you. I wouldn't meet up with friends A and B again and would just let things drift with them.

MariaLuna Sun 25-Aug-13 22:36:52

You sound quite needy actually....

You had an appointment with friends, why not just go in there and wait if they're not there.

You need to work on your own This is going to sound pathetic but I'm not a very confident person and I don't like just walking into places by myself (silly I admit) so I thought I would ring them to make sure they were there.

Nothing worse than to be kept phoning while waiting for someone (unless held up).

I travel alone.... no problem.

MariaLuna Sun 25-Aug-13 22:38:17

Oh and P.s. I am HSP. (Highly Sensitive Person).

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 25-Aug-13 22:38:18

Friend A obviously feels that a grown womam being unable to walk into a "local pub" unescorted is precious, self-centred, attention seeking and generally pathetic and deeply irritating, so she didn't want to pander to it.

piratecat Sun 25-Aug-13 22:40:01

it's bitchy, and silly.

BrianTheMole Sun 25-Aug-13 22:40:56

You sound quite needy actually....

thats a horrible thing to say. Just because you can do it no problems doesn't mean everyone else finds it so easy.

piratecat Sun 25-Aug-13 22:42:14

oh for god's sake, how lovely. If i had a friend who didn't like walking in by herself, and if I was a true friend i would answer the call, and go meet her.

op don't fret ove your so called mates.

perplexedpirate Sun 25-Aug-13 22:42:51

I'm confused. Why does it take 'confidence' to walk into a bar and order a drink? Isn't that their whole purpose?
If you do have social anxiety or something, I think you ought to be working on that rather than second guessing what your friends may or be not be thinking.

ChimeForChange Sun 25-Aug-13 22:46:04

Did you not just ask C why they didn't want to answer their phones?

Tortington Sun 25-Aug-13 22:47:10

it is odd that you wouldnt walk in to just have a look. i think that you need to recognise this fact and stop making excuses such as " i know lots of people who do this"

Lots of people have commented that friend C likes you, however i would wonder what good friend would tell me the spiteful yet inconsequential actions of others, there is no benefit to letting you know unless friend C stated that perhaps you should not phone people all the time and sort out your issues

Not sure of the answer to your question, but regards the phone call, when I'm meeting friends the first one there generally texts the others on arrival to let them know that they're there and where exactly they are so the others can find them. So it makes sense to me that you would ring your friends when you arrived regardless of how hard or easy you find walking into a place on your own, as that place sounds like a right pain for finding anyone.

alemci Sun 25-Aug-13 22:49:09

I don't like walking in pub or waiting alone there, I have done it and it has made me more confident but I don't blame op for being upset if her friends are there already and she's not sure where to meet them

MariaLuna Sun 25-Aug-13 22:54:11

^You sound quite needy actually....

thats a horrible thing to say. Just because you can do it no problems doesn't mean everyone else finds it so easy.^

Hi Brian, you're right.

Thing is, one cannot rely on others to fix one's hangups and/or life. smile

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