AIBU to think this is quite bitchy behaviour or am I just being over-sensitive?

(136 Posts)
BrokenLullaby Sun 25-Aug-13 21:17:09

We had quite nice weather last week so a friend arranged for her, me and two other friends to meet up at a local pub for a drink after work.

We all live in the same town but they live very close together so they would have arranged to walk down together. I got there a little late as I have quite a long way to drive from work, had already told friend I could be late depending on traffic.

Anyway when I got there I assumed they would be sat outside, I drove by but couldn't see them and there was quite a lot of people there. This is going to sound pathetic but I'm not a very confident person and I don't like just walking into places by myself (silly I admit) so I thought I would ring them to make sure they were there.

Rang friend A - no answer, rang friend B - no answer, rang friend B again she picked up told me where they were and I went in to meet them. The signal is quite rubbish in that area so I didn't think anything of it.

Yesterday I went over to friend C's house for coffee and I was told that when I rang friend A she looked at her phone and went "why is she ringing me?" hmm and then purposely didn't answer her phone.

When I rang friend B's phone, friend A said "Friend B don't answer it". When I rang again Friend C pretty much said - "what the hell is the problem just answer the phone" - which is the only reason my friend B did.

I was quite upset by it because if I could see them I wouldn't have been sat in my car trying to ring them I would have just gone straight over to them. And if it was the other way around I wouldn't have even hesitated answering my friends call - it would have been a non-issue.

Aibu to think Friend A's behaviour was quite bitchy and to a certain extent so was Friend B's or am I just being ridiculously over sensitive about it all?

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Aug-13 21:22:39

They don't like you, do they?

I can think of no other reason (unless you've pissed them off?) that they would behave in that manner.

MrsMinkBernardLundy Sun 25-Aug-13 21:25:27

Well friend c does like you.
other than that i am a bit stumped.
Which one of them extended invite in first place?
And how were they with you when you get to pub?

BrokenLullaby Sun 25-Aug-13 21:26:22

Who knows?

I think Friend B will pretty much always do what Friend A says so perhaps if I'd rung her first then this might not have happened.

CocacolaMum Sun 25-Aug-13 21:27:21

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

TheCutOfYourJib Sun 25-Aug-13 21:27:51

Maybe they think you are a grown up and should be able to walk into a place by yourself.
If you always do this it would probably get on my nerves.

BrokenLullaby Sun 25-Aug-13 21:27:56

Which one of them extended invite in first place?

Friend A which makes it very odd. If you don't want me there then don't invite me?

And how were they with you when you get to pub?

I could sense an atmosphere at first but it dwindled after half an hour or so.

SparkleToffee Sun 25-Aug-13 21:28:09

V strange ...... Are they good friends of your or people who you go out with a lot ? Sounds like friend A is a bitch tbh..... Most people would just answer the phone ..... Do you like spending time with them ? What are they like to you when you are out with them ?

mynameisslimshady Sun 25-Aug-13 21:28:13

Are you sure it isn't friend C being bitchy and stirring up trouble?

YouTheCat Sun 25-Aug-13 21:29:06

Friend C likes you.

Friend A doesn't.

Friend B is a sheep and hasn't got a mind of her own.

Stick with C.

Sirzy Sun 25-Aug-13 21:29:09

odd.

Do you often phone before going into somewhere? perhaps they are fed up of that/think its not needed?

Still no need to be so rude though, but there again why did friend C decide to tell you anyway - that in itself is rather bitchy

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Aug-13 21:29:21

Jib, lots of people would rather make a simple phone call than wonder around a pub looking like a lost puppy.

It makes sense to quickly find out where they're sitting.

CaptainSweatPants Sun 25-Aug-13 21:30:12

Friend C didn't need to tell you though did she? Sounds like she's a shit stirrer

If they were in the middle of a chat it would be annoying phones ringing

As an adult you need to walk into places on your own

If you can try not to overthink it

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 25-Aug-13 21:30:24

It wasn't exactly very nice of friend C to tell you either tbh.

Do they know yyou are a bit sensitive about going into places and might they be finding it a bit clingy?

I would have parked and gone to find them. I think you are being oversensitive and that's what they are reacting to - like school bullies and it isn't nice.

BrokenLullaby Sun 25-Aug-13 21:31:16

Maybe they think you are a grown up and should be able to walk into a place by yourself.
If you always do this it would probably get on my nerves.

Maybe. I know lots of people that wouldn't want to go into a place alone and would prefer to wait outside for everyone else to arrive and some people who just have the confidence to go in alone - sit inside get a drink and wait for everyone else to turn up.

I rang because I wanted to know if they were there yet and the place we were meeting has an outside garden and three different rooms and two different entrances so it made it easier to know which part they were in.

And I'm just not that confident really ...

BrokenLullaby Sun 25-Aug-13 21:37:54

Do you often phone before going into somewhere? perhaps they are fed up of that/think its not needed?

Probably, I've never really thought about it until now. I'd say in our friendship group half of us do this, I'm definitely not the only one.

Might they be finding it a bit clingy

I wouldn't say it was clingy, it depends on the situation really. If they weren't there yet I'd have probably sucked it up and gone and got a table - but like I said in a previous post there's 3 different rooms and an outside garden so I'd have felt a little stupid looking around each place and not even knowing if they were there or not yet.

We don't see each other as much now due to just life basically so it's not like we meet up twice a week and I phone each time.

GrendelsMum Sun 25-Aug-13 21:41:49

Did she think that she was going to see you in a moment, as arranged, so why on earth were you phoning? I'd be a bit baffled if someone phoned me from outside to see if I was inside - I'd assume you were phoning to say something concrete, like that you were late.

ElaineVintage Sun 25-Aug-13 21:42:45

I'd ditch them all.

BrokenLullaby Sun 25-Aug-13 21:47:19

Did she think that she was going to see you in a moment, as arranged, so why on earth were you phoning?

So in that situation if your friend was ringing you which was baffling to you, then you would purposely ignore the call?

Whatever the reason for me whether I found it odd, weird or baffling I wouldn't ignore a friend ringing me. If you would then that's fine.

maddening Sun 25-Aug-13 21:48:42

but gredels - they find't know she was outside and she could have been calling as going to be v late or not able to come?

SeaSickSal Sun 25-Aug-13 21:53:43

Friend C was being bitchy telling you. I would wonder whether it was true or not.

Maryz Sun 25-Aug-13 21:56:58

How did they know you weren't phoning to say you were going to be late/not coming/had been hit by a bus?

It's very strange behaviour to not answer the phone to a friend, unless there is a no-phone rule in the pub (in which case they could have stood up and taken the call outside).

[baffled]

MrsOakenshield Sun 25-Aug-13 21:58:20

I can't understand why the first friend didn't answer, for all she knew you were ringing to say you were running late, or couldn't make it at all - she didn't know you were outside feeling too shy to wander about looking for them. And even if she did, what's the problem with saying 'we're in the back room' or whatever.

However, I think friend C is stirring by telling you this at all.

GrendelsMum Sun 25-Aug-13 21:58:49

Well, tbh I was wondering if you had a tendency to arrive late, or to make excuses, or whether you sometimes inadvertently come across as slightly clingy. It sounds like they want to see you at the pub, but were a bit annoyed that you phoned just before arriving, and that suggests you're repatedly doing something that friend A finds pretty annoying. Of course, it might just be that she's a bit grumpy and your friendship is coming to a bit of an natural end.

TheSecondComing Sun 25-Aug-13 22:02:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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