More was he being unreasonable

(37 Posts)
Ilovemyself Sun 25-Aug-13 21:15:38

Had to call an ambulance for my wife at 4.30 this morning. The first responder was very good and called her by her name.

The paramedic crewed ambulance that turned up to take her hospital were nice enough but one of the paramedics kept calling her mate.

I have no problem with it and tbh, she was in so much pain he could have called her anything and she wouldn't have cared. I do wonder though if some people would feel this wasn't professional.

Was he being unreasonable?

sophiedaal Mon 26-Aug-13 12:42:04

I think mate is fine, given that the ambulance crew must see so many people, and have a lot of other detail to process at the same time - better to be called mate than by the wrong name, or by one of the various endearments that some people might find gender offensive like love or sweetheart. Thinking about it, if someone was doing something quite medically intimate to me, Miss Daal would feel ridiculously formal, and Sophie would feel slightly too familiar, so on balance mate is a good halfway house of friendliness and reassurance.

Andro Mon 26-Aug-13 12:25:22

I think it depends...both on the patient and the paramedic. Some people are very clear about how they prefer to be addressed, some prefer formality, some prefer a less formal manner. Equally, there are some people from whom you can accept something like 'mate' or 'sweetheart' because it's just their way, from others it's just patronising (even if unintentionally so).

One of the nicest paramedics who treated me called me honey - I was 14 at the time, he was easily old enough to be my father and the term was just so natural (he clearly used it often) that it felt really reassuring and made it easy to trust him.

Ilovemyself Mon 26-Aug-13 12:12:35

Suedoku. She said the same-100 times worse than childbirth! ( not that I will ever know!)

Glad to know everyone felt the same as me. Guess it is just your average DM reader that would be "outraged"

DropYourSword Mon 26-Aug-13 11:27:01

Glad she's recovering OK.

I don't think he was being at all unreasonable to call her mate BTW. Healthcare professionals meet a lot of people in a short space of time and it can be difficult to remember names, when clinical information is more important. I do this all the time in my job...as long as you make a good connection with your patient then friendly greetings are fine!

firesidechat Mon 26-Aug-13 11:20:15

I've never called anyone love or mate in my life, but don't mind at all if others use it to me. As long as they do a good job then they could call me anything they like and I would be very, very grateful that they were there.

So on that basis the paramedic was NBU.

SueDoku Mon 26-Aug-13 11:13:09

Hope your wife is feeling better soon - I have known three people with this, and the pain is unbelievable (my friend said that childbirth was a doddle in comparison, which freaked me out considerably..!). They've all had the op and gone on to make good recoveries, so hope this is the case for your wife...

P.S. Yes, it's Schrodinger's cat

Ilovemyself Mon 26-Aug-13 08:59:09

For those that asked, she will be in for a few days as the antibiotics she is on can only be be administered in hospital. Then at least 6 weeks to the op on rest.

I just wish wish they old sort the pain quicker sad

peppapigsmummy Mon 26-Aug-13 08:09:22

when I was ambulanced to hospital over a pregnancy, the doctor who found me and called for it didn't even talk to me. I was terrified.

onetiredmummy Mon 26-Aug-13 07:33:26

No he wasn't , he was trying to reassure and calm by using an everyday colloquialism that most people would recognise .

I hope your wife recovers soon

itried Mon 26-Aug-13 07:26:17

In this neck of the woods women are often called Hen... Hope your wife is OK

Themarriedwoman Mon 26-Aug-13 07:23:13

I would quite like it.
My MIL, on the other hand, would prefer to be called mrs. *
I can't understand that personally.

Ilovemyself Mon 26-Aug-13 07:18:25

raisah. And others that read this and this and say i am having a go or should be more worried about my wife. Please read what I said. I wasn't bothered at all but I wondered if others were. And with the kids all in bed and feeling like a limb is missing without my wife here it just popped into my mind.

catinabox sadly she was one of the 10%. Straight through triage to a cubicle and then up to sau. Hopefully she will be out today and the waiting list for the op isn't too long. Btw, is it shroedingers cat in a box?

Thanks jacks.

MrsMongoose Mon 26-Aug-13 01:08:45

I'm in Manchester, and mate is a massive term of endearment here. Yabu to my Mancunian brain... But probably not elsewhere.

raisah Mon 26-Aug-13 00:33:23

Try and Imagine the number of people they see & cut them some slack. The most important thing is that your wife was dealt quickly & appropriately, calling somebody mate is not unprofessional. Stop nit picking.

jacks365 Mon 26-Aug-13 00:25:41

For me mate is gender neutral so wouldn't bother me. Ilove we're thinking of you and your family, take care.

PeriodMath Mon 26-Aug-13 00:05:15

I think it's odd to call a woman "mate" too. Perhaps I'm old though. The other terms of endearment don't bother me too much, in the right circumstances but it is absolutely never ok for a teenager boy to call me "love". It sounds very cocky.

catinabox Sun 25-Aug-13 23:49:33

I think it's a bit strange to call a woman 'mate' but that's just me.

I hope your wife is o.k. I hear from friends who work in accident and emergency that 90% of the people who end up there don't need to be there.

I hope; in the nicest possible way, your wife is one of those people.

Ilovemyself Sun 25-Aug-13 22:13:57

Thanks. I have had time to think this evening. It was just you hear about people making such a big deal about such small things and I wondered if I was a bit more relaxed than some about it.

It certainly hadn't crossed my mind about the gender implications.

I call people mate all the time outside of my work environment, but wouldn't do so at work. Perhaps it was just that that made me notice.

Smoorikins Sun 25-Aug-13 22:02:10

Fair point Ilove, but I don't know why it would occur to you at this point to post about it if it hadn't been an issue for you.

But If I made the wrong assumption, I apologise.

StephenFrySaidSo Sun 25-Aug-13 22:01:38

ah right ok. I just thought it seemed odd but obviously I've misunderstood.

Ilovemyself Sun 25-Aug-13 21:56:59

stephenfrysaidso. We do get rest ( for her) and time with the kids ( for me). It's just a way of looking at the positive in all this.

Ilovemyself Sun 25-Aug-13 21:55:01

Ever smoorikins. Did you read all of my original post. I said I didn't mind but I wondered what the general view was.

As I said in my reply to everyone. I was interested as you hear of people complaining about such things

StephenFrySaidSo Sun 25-Aug-13 21:54:33

well she's in the right place and I wish her a speedy recovery.

I am a bit surprised though that it has taken for her to go into hospital for her to get a rest and you to spend some time alone with the dcs.

Ilovemyself Sun 25-Aug-13 21:50:32

Thanks for the concern. She is in overnight and morphine and tramadol don't seem to be doing much for the pain ( gallbladder) but it does make her sleep a lot which is good.

I try and turn it into a positive for her - she gets a rest. And for me good time on my own with the kids.

I asked as you hear horror stories of people being offended by such informality and complaining but as I said, I thought they were all great.

Smoorikins Sun 25-Aug-13 21:47:44

YABU (U for ungrateful).

Someone comes to your wifes aid at a time when most people are fast asleep, I think the last thing you need to be concerned with is which particular friendly term the paramedic uses.

If I needed to call an ambulance for a family member at 4.30 in the morning, I don't think I'd really care what they called they called my relative, or what they called me. As long as they did their job.

'Mate' is friendly and reassuring, exactly what is needed imo.

Different people have grown up in different surroundings and with different standards of what is and is not acceptable. You should be more concerned with intent than language, and their intent was to get your wife better.

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