DD totally fucked up her GCSEs. AIBU to tell her 'I told you so'?

(304 Posts)
TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras Sun 25-Aug-13 21:01:31

Of course I won't but I am very, very cross about it. She got 2 Ds, 2 Es and 3 Fs FFS. All through secondary we have had problems with her being disruptive at school, getting detentions, calls about her not doing her homework or engaging with the lessons, getting into spats with other girls about stuff which did not involve her (sticking up for friends).

She was forecast for 3Cs, 2Ds and 3Es which was bad enough but we hoped she would get the extra C through the exams to get into the college course that she was so excited about doing and which we have supported her in doing even though I have my doubts (performing arts) but I wanted her to do something she enjoyed.

We have lectured her, given her 'pep talks', taken away privileges, shouted, screamed at her and now we have the end result - totally crap grades so she will not be able to do the college course she wanted to do and will have to spend the next year retaking as many as possible at a cost to us. I even frogmarched her to maths club one day as she was so behind but she refused to go again and I could'nt do that every bloody week. Ditto homework club/science club.

She has never been diagnosed with any SENs, her teachers have always stated that she is very bright and would do fine if she would just shut up and listen. She seems to have disengaged with reality and decided that she was going to become a singer/rapper so school was not important. She spends hours writing rap lyrics and listening to that bloody Iggy Azalea (most annoying songs ever). She has even insisted that she will be moving to LA as soon as she is 18 and do whatever it takes to become a 'sooperstarrr' hmm and I fully support her in that 'dream' and hope she can achieve it (not by moving to LA and living in the bins waiting to be discovered though grin) but she needs to at least get some qualifications first!

I could bloody shake her very hard. She thinks she knows everything. Aaaarrrrgggh. Any suggestions on what to do with her?

Wordsaremything Thu 04-Aug-16 00:25:28

Ahh blush
My sincere apologies!

JudyCoolibar Wed 03-Aug-16 22:16:38

Wordsaremything, I think you'll find that OP's dd is going to do 3 years at college (Level 2 and 3 BTEC in Performing Arts which she will ace), retake her Maths and English GCSE's, and will be due to start University in September 2016 in an unrelated field which should give her quite a few career options. Mystic Judy speaks ...

Or you might not have noticed the date when the thread started?

Wordsaremything Wed 03-Aug-16 22:09:23

Shit!shock
What on earth is she going to do?
Really feel for you. Not surprised you're mad.

Balletgirlmum Wed 03-Aug-16 21:26:50

True

nanetterose Wed 03-Aug-16 21:23:22

& Robbie's dad knew/knows the business.

Balletgirlmum Wed 03-Aug-16 20:32:09

Ah but Robbie was also heavily involved in local am dram/youth theatre etc.

raisedbyguineapigs Wed 03-Aug-16 20:03:38

But I agree mathsmum People saying 'I didn't go to school and I'm hugely successful' doesn't help. Neither do the plethora of reality tv shows aimed mainly at teenagers. Where people are rewarded with huge sums of money for being nothing but vain and vacuous, with no discernable talent but that of self promotion.

raisedbyguineapigs Wed 03-Aug-16 19:59:19

You just don't know how kids are going to react at secondary school, or react to pressure to do homework/ extra curricular activities. Some night thrive, others totally rebel Getting an 8 year old to do his homework and getting a 13 year old is another story. The difference between year 6 kids and year 7 is sometimes mind boggling when you see them in a classroom situation.

nanetterose Wed 03-Aug-16 19:27:27

Yes, things really can happen overnight (with a teen) it is a very fine balancing act. Too much pressure to succeed can encourage them to do nothing / break down. They are vulnerable & lippy all rolled into one. It doesn't matter how obliging they were as younger kids ,how regularly they did their homework and conformed - any parencan be exposed to the teen from hell.
It doesn't help when other parents and teachers look at them like it is their fault.
It very rarely is.

mathsmum314 Wed 03-Aug-16 19:21:41

I blame Robbie Williams, his teacher told him he needed an education and he ignored that advice pursued his dream and now anyone can become a millionaire pop star !!!!

So the DC was a problem at secondary school. What happened throughout 7 years of primary? Where was the parental support with homework, discipline, responsibility? Do these things really happen overnight?

raisedbyguineapigs Wed 03-Aug-16 17:29:53

Aren't something like 80% of actors unemployed at any one time? And the music industry in the era of downloads is getting harder and harder to make a living from. Even if the OP's daughter still wants to perform, it's good to have a backup plan, or some sort of profession to fall back on so she can actually eat and support herself day to day.

StarkintheSouth Wed 03-Aug-16 16:51:22

I had dreams of acting stardom as a teen- I did amdram, singing lessons, you name it, but my parents encouraged me whilst also emphasising the merit of the back -up plan. I think, being honest, I was more enamoured with the glamour of it, being adored and somehow a perfect, better version of my lets be honest, dumpy, averagely attractive teen self. The level of commitment and resilience to become even a small bit successful takes my breath away and I soon realised that no matter how hard I worked, maybe it wasnt the path for me. But I loved the world of film and TV and I now work for a major film studio in a job I adore and it was hard enough to carve out what I have, competitive and cutthroat as it is.
One poster listed an excellent example which is kind of what my DP did, basically saying OK, you want to achieve X? Practically, how? Let's see if we can work out how and when she sees the logistical and emotional task ahead of her, she'll hopefully buckle down and get cracking or start thinking harder about her life plans.
I wish you every luck, I was very similar to your DD at one point! x

GlindatheFairy Wed 03-Aug-16 05:28:42

Lovely update, but I wonder why DD isn't following through with a performing arts related subject at university when she has done so well with the BTECs. Anyway I hope she chose a degree subject she likes and will be good at rather than something she feels she must endure to get a good job at the end of it, and doesn't give up singing and performing.

JudyCoolibar Tue 02-Aug-16 23:27:51

JudyCoolibar I don't want to hijack but are you another of the last remaining original Round the Horne fans?

Certainly a fan, Andrewofgg. I was reminded of the name having downloaded the repeats that were on iPlayer fairly recently, and was pleasantly surprised to find no-one had nicked it already.

Recently I was leafing through my copy of Throw off Your Clothes and Live — I buy it for the chess problems

user1466690252 Tue 02-Aug-16 18:14:40

This was me. My parents said of i wasnr studying I had to work. Went into retail and got a taste for it. Worked my way up and got a good standard of life doing it. I wouldn't reccomend retail to anyone now but 100!% make her go out and work. What about a beauticians course? Decent money and easy to work around children self employed when older?! Just make her work. Good luck. I feel so bad at what i put my parents through but it all worked out in the end. I do regret it tho. It was hard work

justilou Tue 02-Aug-16 18:09:03

Definitely tell her to get a job now. No time for holidays at your expense. She's got to save to get to LA.

FuckitsAndSpades Tue 02-Aug-16 18:00:43

There are also some 'old style ' employers that look beyond at interview. Thank goodness!

it's largely not down to employers any more. In a lot of fields, what used to be a walk in off the street job now has to have GCSEs and in some cases BTEC or NVQ. It's not really up to the individual employer in the vast majority of cases now.

Unless it's a very small business who is taking on a bit of help.. but there's nowhere to go from there

LikeDylanInTheMovies Tue 02-Aug-16 17:49:18

"Now the other day I was leafing through my copy of The Lady Wrestlers Home Journal, which I buy for the fat stock prices..."

Apologies for the additional derail.

Andrewofgg Tue 02-Aug-16 17:18:45

JudyCoolibar I don't want to hijack but are you another of the last remaining original Round the Horne fans?

I was leafing through the pages of the Berkshire Llama-Sexers' Gazette - I buy it for the three-dimensional crossword puzzle . . .

nanetterose Tue 02-Aug-16 17:06:29

Yes, you are right raised I.agree .However
It can be done these days too - someone very close to me has just done it!
Bright people do tend to come across well at interview. With or without qualifications.There are also some 'old style ' employers that look beyond at interview. Thank goodness!
Lots of younger people have had jobs and can get good references. These can work just as usefully as grades in some circumstances etc..smile

raisedbyguineapigs Tue 02-Aug-16 16:59:45

hmm... the problem nowadays though is that even to get a job in a shop, you need GCSE's in English and Maths. Otherwise employers have to train them to get the minimum qualifications. They would rather take someone on who already has them. It's much harder to work their way up without basic qualifications, though not impossible, but they need to get the qualifications one way or another, either through FE college or Apprenticeships. I think the days are gone when you can just rock up with no qualifications and work your way through the ranks, unless you are setting up your own business, which is incredibly difficult and needs capital, skills and experience as well as self motivation and determination and an incredible amount of hard work. (I realise we have moved on from OP's daughter!!)

nanetterose Tue 02-Aug-16 16:38:29

I've read the update.
Well done to your DD op
I do think it is worth bearing in mind ,that some some people do very well in life . Good wages etc... with very little educational 'proof'. I have several family members & friends in that category .
Yes, fantastic qualifications will get you far - so will being motivated,hardworking and prepared to 'work your way up'
Ultimately we need to be happy and listened to, kids are the same. If your teen has flunked at 16, don't panic. I've watched this situation turn good ...so many times!

tiggerkid Tue 02-Aug-16 16:25:28

If the girl isn't academically minded, I would be tempted to suggest she takes a year out to work and understand what exactly real adult life entails. That might prompt her to start waking up and taking her future a bit more seriously. However, I understand it's all easier said than done!

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 02-Aug-16 15:20:39

Neli - nice post - but find the OP's update (when the year date changes from 2013 to 2016) - this thread was started 3 years ago.

Topseyt Tue 02-Aug-16 15:04:05

Well done to your DD, OP, and best wishes to her for uni soon too.

I am currently grappling in my own mind with how I am going to handle a rather less than motivated 17 year old (my DD2, who will be 18 in December). She has just finished a 1 year course in ICT at the local FE College and as is her norm, never has the remotest idea or plan for what to do next. confused

Finding the way forward without a major falling out is sooooo hard.

I am finding it very difficult to

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