Is this tradition still about??

(95 Posts)
OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 10:51:18

my dm rang before, becuase I said I haven't put much thought into getting my bridesmaids presents, and she rang up to say . well they need one really, so she said she'd get something.

And to talk to my florist mate as the Mothers b/g get a bouquet on the day???
I've never seen this???
Aibu to think this must not happen anymore much?
confused

FirmYoungCarrot Sun 25-Aug-13 11:08:21

Ooh Soupqueen my mother would have much rather had a bottle of gin - what a great idea.

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:08:39

Haha really tiggy! thats wierd.

CocacolaMum Sun 25-Aug-13 11:09:48

I gave my BMs a brooch which matched the one on our wedding cake and DM & MIL received a brooch from my bouquet all in engraved silver gift boxes which I thought was more special (and longer lasting) than a bunch of flowers. Was way cheaper than it sounds too ;)

DinoSnores Sun 25-Aug-13 11:10:28

I didn't do any of this on the wedding day, partly because most people were travelling to where we live. I arranged for flowers or hampers to be sent to the people who had helped over the next few days when they would be back home.

badguider Sun 25-Aug-13 11:10:47

bridesmaids gifts are usually done in private so entirely up to you what you think is appropriate.

mother of the b and g both usually get flowers during the speeches but if you're not having speeches then I guess it might not be missed... not sure how or when you'd give them without having speeches...? confused

wonkylegs Sun 25-Aug-13 11:14:52

Bridesmaids got a necklace, mothers didn't get anything but they hadn't had any input on the wedding at all and my mum had been on the cusp of being uninvited up until the week before our wedding because she'd been such a bitch about my dad (she announced out of the blue 2days after we got engaged that she was divorcing my dad because she was having a mid life crisis and didn't want to be upstaged by our engagement )

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:15:00

I might do it privately, seems a bit odd tbh,

I'd feel a bit awkward doing it so publicly.

OP, it's fine that you hadn't heard of this, and you don't have to do any of it. It's pretty standard. My bride got me and the other bridesmaids lots of gifts and a lovely card. If money is tight, I'm sure a lovely card will be fine.

However, flabbergasted at the person that said tough titty! What a horrible attitude. If you are on a budget, don't have bridesmaids. Don't accept help and favours and wedding gifts from people that you aren't going to thank. I bet you were a bridezilla. grin

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Sun 25-Aug-13 11:20:08

I got my maid of honour a teddy (she loves forever friends - she is an adult, but a gift she adored) and my bridesmaid a money box (my DD - she was 10 months).
As for parents gifts - I didn't give anything. My Dad was no help at all, and complained from the minute he got to mine on the morning of the wedding till he went home 2 days after the wedding.

But if your family have been helpful it is a nice tradition.

Wineandchoccy Sun 25-Aug-13 11:21:58

I gave my 2 bridesmaids a necklace, and a bracelet for 1 and earrings for the other. I got them in the sale so keep your eye out and you may not have to spend lots.

We gave my mum and MIL a orchid each as they were staying the night at the hotel and I didn't think a bouquet would survive very well. My dad and FIL we gave a bottle of wine.

Ushers we got them a wallet each, we got married in May but I got these in the Xmas sales in Debenhams.

Best man and chief bridesmaid are married to each other so we baby sat and paid for a night away for them as they did lots for us.

We had 18 months to plan our wedding so the cost was spread out and we thought it was nice to thank the key people.

We wrote thank you cards the day after our wedding and hand delivered/posted them that day because it annoys me when you don't get a thank you for a gift or it comes 6 months after the event!

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:22:25

I don't really think izzy was that unreasonable tbh,
the average wedding guest doesn't really get the obscene amount of money its costs,
you get a paid for meal, buffet in the case of bridesmaids a free dress!hairdresser,make up. If they haven't done much I don't see where they really deserve anything else.

Depends what your maids are like I suppose.

Groovee Sun 25-Aug-13 11:26:37

We gave our bridesmaid, best man and ushers a small gift. The mothers both got a bunch of flowers.

izzydazzling Sun 25-Aug-13 11:27:03

oh dear, well I apologise if my use of tough titty has offended anyone...

how often do you hear people say they can't afford to get married? loads. it doesn't actually cost that much to actually get wed but it's all the extras that soon mount up and this is what makes it unaffordable. I managed to scrape together just enough to have a small bouquet for my daughter and I (total £30) I would've had to go into debt to buy flowers for my mother, MIL and SMIL. What's wrong with a heartfelt thank you? Why does a thank you HAVE to be a gift? It IS about expectations, not necessarily from the mothers/BMs but it's obvious from this thread that it's the done thing. Well I'm sorry but I simply couldn't afford an expensive wedding with all the trimmings, I just wanted to BE married. And I am. If my mother, MIL and SMIL are mortally offended well it's....not my problem.

jacks365 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:30:50

The average wedding guest does understand because they have been there themselves. The thankyou for the bridesmaids is supposed to be to thank them for their time ie dress fittings shoe shopping etc that is the only favour they need to do you. What is the point of a free dress that will never be worn again or a hairstlye that is just that a style. The perks you are mentioning are for your benefit not theirs.

Silverfoxballs Sun 25-Aug-13 11:33:32

I got jewellery as a gift as a BM and gave mine jewellery as well. It does not need to be really expensive stuff. I think Mothers have got flowers at every wedding I have been to even though some did not deserve them due to bloody awful behaviour

I love your raised by wolves comment

OctopusPete8 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:40:29

you'd be surprised how many don't jacks365.

Thanks silverfox, ]

unless its a dreadful satin creation why can't you wear it again.

jacks365 Sun 25-Aug-13 11:45:31

Because the type of events you can wear bridesmaids dresses to whether chiffon, satin silk etc is very very limited. My dd have dresses in their wardrobes that nice as they are just aren't suitable for anything else.

izzydazzling Sun 25-Aug-13 11:48:37

I don't want to hijack the thread but I do think I should reply to the bridezilla comment as IMO, and sorry to disappoint, I was not demanding in any way shape or form. I went to the registry office in my dads car (he offered) , in a £75 dress, wearing shoes that I had before I even met my husband, my sister did my hair and makeup (she offered) my ONE BM/flowergirl was my DD (because yes that's ALL I could afford), photos were taken by my friend's DDs (and we gave them £50 for their time and effort) and we went to the pub after. Bridezilla? I think not. Makes me laugh when people say they had a small budget then spend thousands of pounds.

To the OP - I hope you have a lovely day. Don't be pressurised into spending money you haven't got just to conform. You do sound like a nice young lady, not raised by wolves at all, lol. Unlike this fishwife blush

OwlinaTree Sun 25-Aug-13 12:42:30

You are thanking the bridesmaids for their time as jacks said. The average guest does know how much it all costs as many of them will have done it themselves and don't forget their costs to attend, new outfit, drinks, travel, gift etc. Of course these costs are not a source of resentment if you want the guest there and they want to come.

You are under no obligation to give gifts but you should be thanking people for their support, if not in the speeches then in thank you notes after the event.

Tbh every wedding I've been to has had flowers for the mums.

BackforGood Sun 25-Aug-13 13:04:29

I agree with Izzy - it's not compulsory, and I personally don't like the whole "show" of giving a bouquet to the mothers during the speeches. Spoken / written heartfelt thanks to those who have helped you are far nicer and more appropriate

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Sun 25-Aug-13 13:10:18

Very normal, I've never seen it not happen.

MinnieBar Sun 25-Aug-13 13:23:30

I gave my bridesmaids plain silver bracelets as gifts as we were all getting ready - they all wore them on the day, which I didn't expect and I'm pretty sure the genuinely liked them (mildly peeved when one bridesmaid recently told me she'd asked her boyfriend for a plain silver bracelet as she didn't have one. Me: What, like the one I gave you? Her: Er, umm, I've moved house a lot since then).

My mum specifically said NOT to buy her a bouquet as it was a waste of money (plus all the flowers went back to her house the next day, so she didn't need any more!) and so it we didn't give a bouquet to MIL either, not least because she didn't do anything to help with any of the planning/didn't pay a penny/didn't thank us or my parents/sat with a face like a slapped arse at the meal the night before, etc.

We didn't have favours either - other than having a registrar and two witnesses, the rest is up to you!

pianodoodle Sun 25-Aug-13 13:25:41

* I didn't do bunches of flowers for the parents or presents (for my one BM). My wedding was small and on a tight budget. Tough titty to anyone expecting something*

Snap grin

Yonihadtoask Sun 25-Aug-13 13:26:26

Meh. Only do it if you want to.

I bought our bridesmaids a small piece of jewellery each - to wear with their outfits. Presented these to them prior the ceremony though.

Also we did buy bouquets for the DMs, but we gave these a couple of days afterwards. in private.

I am not one for sticking to tradition, and felt no need to have to do this at the reception.

Yonihadtoask Sun 25-Aug-13 13:28:15

We didn't bother with traditional 'favours' either.

Contributed to Cancer Research and guests had a badge on their name cards if they wanted it.

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