ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
To want to sleep in same bed as ds forever(109 Posts)
Well, until he doesn't want to anymore
He's nearly 6
We've been away for a lot of the holidays, so shared a bed
He's so lovely and snuggly
And still wants to cuddle his mummy
Even though he's told me he hates me a couple of times this week
I look to my SIL unhealthy attachment to her parents particularly to her mum and am almost certain they never ever shared a bed as a child maybe the odd time when sick but that is the most.
Youngest ds is just 7 and is completely gorgeous. All soft skin and cuddly.
But I cannot sleep with him. He moves about 476576 a minute.
But sometimes we will watch a film or you've been framed in my bed and have a cuddle for a bit but then he will go in his own bed.
CustardOmlet Sun 25-Aug-13 12:15:21
"Catinabox can't go into detail (confidentiality etc) but iv experienced first hand some strange attachments between mother and son particularly, which of cause are not just the result of just co-sleeping, but the mother definitely placing the love she should have for a partner onto her son."
In that case it's not the co-sleeping causing the strange attachment but her general attitude.
I knew a mother who expressed her over-strong attachment to her child by buying expensive designer wear. Hence designer jackets cause attachment problems? No, they don't.
It is perfectly possible to co-sleep and have a normal healthy attitude towards your child's independence: people all over the world manage it. My db used to share a bed with his partner, three children and three cats. Totally normal well adapted family.
And if you have an unhealthy approach to your child's attachment simply turfing them out of the bedroom won't solve it: it's about bigger things.
This thread is making me feel like I must be a very cold person. My idea of heaven is a double bed all to myself. The joy of deep, uninterrupted sleep.
Parm if ds wakes in the night and I go to him I try to get him to sleep in his cot. If dh goes ds nearly always ends up back in our bed. We both love the snuggles
even when we're used as a climbing frame
I very much doubt co sleeping can be blamed for 'unhealthy attachments', given all the people that co sleep its hardly an unusual or abnormal thing to do. It's just not talked about much because of attitudes from others.
Catinabox can't go into detail (confidentiality etc) but iv experienced first hand some strange attachments between mother and son particularly, which of cause are not just the result of just co-sleeping, but the mother definitely placing the love she should have for a partner onto her son.
DD is 8 and still spends more nights in my bed that her own. DH and I hardly ever share a bed; he snores, bounce-turns, sweats and kicks too much. I much prefer sharing with DD and will let her stop when she wants. She's not clingy at all so I don't think it's an issue.
I don't want to be cuddled or held or kissed, or a big heavy leg draped over me
I don't want to be woken up every morning when he goes to work
I just want to sleep
Just ftr, we don't co-sleep usually, it's just because we've been away from home for a lot of the hols and that's how it's worked out.
We are normally all in our own beds
But dh is a pAin to sleep with and I have a much better nights sleep with ds
Well, if a woman's not getting affection from her partner perhaps he should tackle his own behaviour rather then feeling 'sidelined' by a baby...?
We have our DS's cot fixed next to our bed with one of the sides off, that way me and DP can still cuddle and DS can cuddle during the night as well if he wants to.
He normally sleeps in his cot without any issues, but when his teeth are hurting him or he has a bad dream he rolls over and finds me
I guess I have the best of both worlds. DS is 16 months now but will be keeping it like this till he gets better at self settling.
I love getting cuddles from the 2 men in my life.
To the poster above who asked about a mans opinion on co-sleeping I can tell you my DP's. He was never happy with our DS sleeping in the middle of us. He hated being kicked in the back by the baby and hated the lack of intimacy between us.
So we compromised and moved the cot into our room.
Works for both us of now.
Our DD is 2 and both DH and I adore having her in the bed. She used to be in with us all the time but lately likes being in her own bed. I'm so glad she's enjoying her big girl bed but both DH and I miss her in the night. She does sometimes runs in to us in the early hours of the morning and when she does both DH and I are really happy to have some family snuggles.
We also nap with her as a family or individually if we've had a bad night for whatever reason.
It's not affected our marriage at all, we're incredibly happy together and both adore our DD equally. She's not at all overly attached to us, she is very independent in the day time.
Even in my early 20s, if I stayed over at my parents house I would sometimes sleep in the same bed as my mum and snuggle. It was lovely and I always cherish the memories (mum died last year).
So co-sleeping isn't always about bad marriages and overly clingy kids. It's about families who enjoy being with each other.
I'd like to point out when I was pregnant I was SO against co-sleeping and was very judgy about those who did. I quickly ate my words when I realised co-sleeping saved our sanity in the early days when DD was a terrible sleeper.
Good posts from cloudkitten
I have seen with quite s few of my friends the scenario where prolonged co- sleeping ( age 4, 6 and up) was what mum wanted, but have not yet met a DH who lived this arrangement.
Very often, behind this set up, is a mum who feels she gets a lot more love and affection back from her kids ( a child's love of its parents is unconditional) than from her DH, and a father who can feel sidelined and wishes he could share his bed with his wife again.
Would be interested to know some men's opinions on this actually
No way. Sleeping alone is one of life's unsung pleasures.
I too could think of nothing worse.
I don't even like sleeping with dh.
Would love my own king sized bed with pristine sheets instead of sharing. Dh won't contemplate separate rooms as his parents did (and we haven't got a spare room anyway) i relish time away on my own in big beds.
I used to enjoy the dcs coming in bed for a morning cuddle, and ds 14 occasionally still does that.
Oh yes, I love cuddles with my little ones, especially my 3 year old who strokes my hair at night. That sends me off to sleep!
We are at my mums, so another week of cuddles, then back to his own bed, to get ready for the school routine
Making the most of it, don't worry
^^I spoke too soon with my earlier post. No cuddles for me, he's changed his mind about sleeping in my bed, I guess he's grown out of it
Dh is out tonight and staying at my brother's house.
Ds1 7 nearly 8 yo asked if he could sleep in my bed and I can't wait for cuddles, we're going up soon.
know it won't be long before he grows out of it though
Ahh where else does a mum and a child belong... sounds bit biblical but I totally believe the best sleeps for all concerned are when all our primeaval instincts are set to rest with our baby (even at 17!) beside us at bedtime. zzzz. Cots? Not a chance!
I love when my little DSs share my bed. One slightly more than the other though. One's super snuggly but the other kicks the covers off, grinds his teeth and talks in his sleep. The latter does wake up and tell me he loves me though while he's still all sleepy so that makes up for it ALL.
I didn't co-sleep but still share with one Inferiorette or other - they have to take turns now they're bigger - when their father is away.
Mind you the very expression Couple Time makes me feel faintly sick...
justwondering... but... maybe the reason we did used to all sleep together was necessity rather than it feeling nice as such. It was a practical measure, exactly as you've outlined. Not necessarily pleasant per se, but sensible. We don't all need to sleep together for food, safety or warmth any more here. It's not the dark ages. We have evolved. We have Tescos. Brick-built houses (with alarm systems). Central heating, 10 tog duvets. Electric blankets.
I'm never a big fan of using past times as a measure of how good it used to be.. probably life was shit, back when families had to huddle together for food, safety and warmth. I bet Mrs Cavewoman wished her offspring had a (safe, warm) cave of their own so she could get some downtime with Mr Caveman. For all we know.
When DS1 was born other mothers seemed to be putting babies in their own rooms at 6 weeks. To me it felt wrong. I think when parenting you should do what feels right for you.
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