To just go and sit in A&E tonight.

(52 Posts)
Buddhagirl Fri 23-Aug-13 21:34:06

I have a long and complicated history of MH problems. I have been well for about 5 years, graduated got a job, got married, etc.

Occasionally I have times when I suffer so much I want to die. They don't last long (1-2 days).

I asked my husband to give me a cuddle, I was crying so much, but he just sighed and then turned his back on me. My mum is lovely but I can't go to her as she would worry so and I don't need to feel like a burden right now.

I have no one I can call.

I can't even get out of this bedroom we use as a living room for a drink because I can't face a conversation with my inlaws.

At this point A&E on a Friday night even sounds more comforting than feeling trapped in this tiny room in someone else's house that's dirty because I've been lazy the last 2 days.

Floralnomad Fri 23-Aug-13 22:08:47

Why don't you go to your mums but tell your husband and Inlaws that it is because she feels ill and wants you to stay tonight , that way its only your parents that need to be told that you just need some breathing room .

Maryz Fri 23-Aug-13 22:11:57

But can you do it not-dramatically. so don't go now, make an arrangement with an excuse.

Call your mum, say I would love to escape the in-laws for a few days, how about I come and stay with you next Thursday to Sunday. Have a plan - a nice afternoon out, a gossip about family, whatever your mum would like and you could look forward to. Just a bit of a break from your normal routine. Could she cover for you along the lines of "it would be nice for us to have a couple of evenings together" or maybe invite a sister or aunt or a reason for you to go.

I know it's tough - you are stuck in a rut (and with your in-laws hmm, I'm surprised you aren't suicidal, I would be), you need a reason to look forward.

MisselthwaiteManor Fri 23-Aug-13 22:12:57

I reckon it would be much less scary for her having you there where she can look after you and watch that you're okay. Sod what your husband thinks, he should be looking after you and if he's refusing then he can't complain if you need your mum.

ilovesooty Fri 23-Aug-13 22:15:43

If I remember correctly, aren't you a therapist working in the NHS? Won't presenting yourself at A&E impact on your job?

LEMisdisappointed Fri 23-Aug-13 22:21:17

<hugs> I wish i could give you a real hug - it must be so difficult living with your ILs, it does sound like there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Do give the samirtans a ring, i remember them helping me when i was younger - this was a while ago but i was actually able to go there and i have a vivid memory of a big bear of a man giving me a hug grin then there were the nice old ladies that took me for a cup of tea - i was so very touched by their kindness. As i say, that was a while ago and maybe contact isn't possible now but it may just help to hear a sympathetic voice at the other end of the phone.

Don't take it to heart about your DH not being able to respond when you cry. My DP is the kindest man i know, loving and affectionate and was always there for me when i cried but not since i had my breakdown - he just can't deal with it and can be quite cruel and cold if i cry - its horrible because like you, all i want is a cuddle and a cup of tea brandy. Its not his fault though, i sent him to hell and back and was violent towards him blush and i think he just goes into emotional shutdown, he does support me, but just not when im upset, he closes down.I hate it but i understand why he is like it.

I don't now about where you are, but its a lovely evening here, could you go for a walk? you say you live with your ILs, is your child asleep (sorry, do you have children i may have missed that) could you ask your DH to go for a walk with you - even if you go to the off licence, buy a can of coke and a packet of sweets and walk home?

Buddhagirl Fri 23-Aug-13 22:36:04

Yeah that's true I could just go to mums and say let's spend some time together, it does not have to be mentioned that I'm not happy. Good plan.

Sooty, it would have no impact, health care is confidential.

I'm still at home, mucking about on the Internet. ReckoniI sleep on the sofa later, and tomorrow might be a good day. I'd like to sleep in bed but I don't want to lie next to an angry cold man. It won't help.

Maryz Fri 23-Aug-13 23:07:46

Take a hot water bottle to bed. I do that if I'm cross with dh. It makes the bed much warmer, really it does. He's a bit like your dh - he can't cope if I'm upset, he's afraid he will say the wrong thing, so says nothing and retreats into a shell. And then gets cross.

You need a plan. Little things to improve your life. One night a week out (at the local library reading a book if necessary, or maybe a night class, just a reason to be out of the house). A few days at your mum's - a happy time, not a desperate escape. A long lunch if you can get one. Small things put into a diary to look forward to.

kali110 Fri 23-Aug-13 23:15:19

Op you wouldn't be a burden to your mom. Im sorry your partner is not supportive. Mine never knows what to say but he'll hug me.
I second ringing samaritans.i saw them when i was younger and they were so nice..
Could you ring a friend? You can always message us

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Fri 23-Aug-13 23:23:26

What do you enjoy doing?

adagio Fri 23-Aug-13 23:24:33

<<hugs>>
And please call your mum, I am sat here looking at my 8 month old sleeping daughter and praying the day will never come when she chooses to 'spare my feelings'. I don't think the love I have for her could ever fade and I never want her to feel alone. I mean, I'll try not to be overbearing and all but I never want her to suffer, be scared or afraid.
xxx

adagio Fri 23-Aug-13 23:25:14

what I mean is your mum would prefer to know and have the option to support you than not know and not be given the chance to just hold you close

Buddhagirl Fri 23-Aug-13 23:34:10

It's too late to call her now. I'll go see her tomorrow and pretend everything is fine. I just don't think the benefit on my side is worth the worry on her side.

I do need to do more stuff I enjoy, I've just been putting my life on hold while I live here. It's hard with no money to spend but I do like painting and Buddhism and swimming and the gym, I like reading and going on the Internet.

It is sad when you spend an hour of your Friday night willing yourself to get up and get a blanket from the other room. Move Buddhagirl.

Buddhagirl Fri 23-Aug-13 23:34:57

adagio thank you for your post, I really read it and took it on board.

kali110 Sat 24-Aug-13 00:53:46

Id talk to your mum. I wish id talked to my dad about my depression. It would have helped to have been able to speak to someone. It probably would have understood many things id done

MisselthwaiteManor Sat 24-Aug-13 09:52:24

How do you feel this morning buddhagirl?

Buddhagirl Sat 24-Aug-13 10:58:30

Awful. warning, moaning

I just can't summon the motivation to do anything. My H has now decided that because I'm sad life is falling apart and he told me to grow up. I just want a cup of tea but I can't face having to act all happy when my mother in law corners me in the kitchen.

Buddhagirl Sat 24-Aug-13 10:59:31

It's annoying how *=< on MN. Not meant to be in bold

kali110 Sat 24-Aug-13 18:10:42

Budhha im sorry :-(. Can you c a doc this week? If you suffer any anxiety i take quiet time herbal pills and they help

Samu2 Sat 24-Aug-13 18:48:56

When DH feels this way I call the crisis team and they come out and have a chat with him, then they usually come out every day for a week.

They are very supportive.

Is that an option for you?

cjel Sat 24-Aug-13 19:17:28

I am going to buck the trend and say I'm not sure that this depression isn't a very valid response to the life you are stuck with at the moment!! Go to your mums. It sounds like you have the habit of thinking you have to be ill to get your needs met? You don't, you are fed up in that little room - that h could clean as well as you- and want to get out. GO you don't have to be ill or make excuses phone mum and say you fancy a bit of fun so you are coming over for a couple of days - she'll love it!!

How are you this evening BuddhaGi? If I had to live with my in laws for more than a few hours I'd be in serious need for some mental health care! shock You have my sympathy!

Did you phone your mum today to arrange a visit? It's ok for your in laws to be doing your head in and that you need to escape.

The Samaritans would probably still be a good idea as someone to vent your in law stress in. Or mumsnet obviously, as we're all on your side too. smile

renders Sat 24-Aug-13 19:54:04

Sorry you're feeling like this Buddhagirl. I have a long history of depression and I know how hard the down times are. Are you currently under a mental health team?
As others have mentioned the Samaritans can be a good support, sometimes just a friendly voice on the end of the phone. Do you have a Mind in your area, different ones offer different services but they may be able to help. When you are feeling better it might be worth making a plan to help you when things are bad. Google WRAP planning (wellness recovery action planning). It might help.
And keep talking here, there are people to listen. X

Buddhagirl Sat 24-Aug-13 20:12:47

I reckon I phrased my post badly. I feel like I want to die but that's just a feeling, I would never hurt myself again and I don't have a disorder, I used to have a lot and now I just have a few days a year where I feel so awful. It must sound really bad, but it's just a normal reaction to what I've been through in life. It's an ex borderline thing I think, get very upset very quickly but luckily it is very occasional and I have the skills to calm down. I'm feeling much better now and feel quite silly and ashamed for posting really, going to A&E would be pretty drastic :/

I haven't gone to mums, DH is freaking out and sad in the other room so I've grabbed a days worth of food and drink and watched 7 hours of Downton abbey!

Don't feel silly for posting on mumsnet, that's what it's there for!

Take care, and I hope you get to move into your own place very soon.

Stripedmum Sat 24-Aug-13 20:23:51

Could you go snuggle up in bed and try to sleep?

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