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My labour was better than yours- ner ner ner ner ner!

(63 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Fri 23-Aug-13 20:03:57

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive here but my labour was fairly ineffective, traumatic, long and ended in a c-section. I was gutted at the time but pleased in the end and actually insisted on a c-section as was labouring for so long.

My lovely friend has a new born and said she didn't want to gloat but her labour went really well with no pain killers and it's a shame I had to have that 'nasty' epidural. (for the section.) Tell me she's in bonkers new mummy mode right? She's obviously really proud and so am I?

I am so happy for her but at the same time I hate all of this competetive birthing stuff. Am I being over-sensitive?

Doingakatereddy Fri 23-Aug-13 20:11:09

Bonkers new mum mode - epidurals are a bloody life saver!

Many mums (me included) go a bit 'labour story' crazy after birth, think it's like a PTS coping mechanism.

Just smile & focus on new friendship & babies. Congrats.

meditrina Fri 23-Aug-13 20:11:28

Yes.

In the long run, no-one really cares.

Of course, you'll still be stuck with a twat of a friend who thinks using the word "nasty" like is is OK. THats's nothing to do with birth stories, it's just monumental lack of awareness, tact, sensitivity etc.

plentyofsoap Fri 23-Aug-13 20:11:55

Ignore.

CailinDana Fri 23-Aug-13 20:14:17

I don't get competitive birthing, it's like saying "Listen to my sneeze it's nicer than yours." Em yeah alright weirdo. I've told my closest friends about my births when they've asked but anyone else I say "Oh it went fine," what else is there to say? (Unless it's a mum to be asking for advice in which case I might give my viewpoint but tactfully).

Onwardsandsideways Fri 23-Aug-13 20:15:12

Don't worry, in a few years' time it becomes the 'my labour was so awful that..' competition and you'll win by a street!

Alanna1 Fri 23-Aug-13 20:15:35

She doesn't know - she probably only knows the NCT mantras, and feels really proud of herself. For whatever reason some people have easy births and some don't. I'm much more impressed by the people who have the hard births (and I speak as a lucky member of the sneeze birth camp).

Pagwatch Fri 23-Aug-13 20:16:43

I always got competetive drama birth stories.
One person - every time she told her birth story the labour got longer and the difficulty increased

TheContrastOfWhiteOnWhite Fri 23-Aug-13 20:18:00

God yes, competitive birthing is dull and pointless.

Mind you, I had an epidural and it was indeed 'nasty' (though I appreciate that they are amazing for some). It's good that both of you feel proud and happy - try and focus on that bit smile

badguider Fri 23-Aug-13 20:18:12

ah, she's probably just overcome with relief after all the preparation for how awful it can be... and post-partum hormones have taken over her brain for a bit.

i'd just ignore if you can.. and if she's still saying it in six weeks then pick her up on it.

NaturalBaby Fri 23-Aug-13 20:18:36

You're not being over sensitive at all.
I had a fantastic labour but never felt like I could tell anyone when they were sharing their stories of induction, drugs, emcs... but I had the clingy baby who screamed the loudest and refused to sleep through till 9months after we resorted to sleep training.

MrsLouisTheroux Fri 23-Aug-13 20:19:20

Labour top trumps sad YANBU but dont play ot with her! Works the other way round too. Those whose labour was so horrific nobody has ever experienced anything like it in the history of man.

MothershipG Fri 23-Aug-13 20:19:37

Doing Me too! I even got mine published in a baby mag. (Disclaimer - I did work for the publisher) wink

Talking about your birth story is one thing, saying you feel sorry for someone because theirs didn't go as well is unpleasantly smug.

Altinkum Fri 23-Aug-13 20:19:56

Bonkers,
Ds1 had placenta preveria (placenta stopped working) and I needed induced which resulted in emergency forceps and eposimita, which resulted in a 4th degree year. (Low heart rate etc... Needed reconstructive surgery.

Ds2 natural labour but didn't tolerate it, needed a emergency forceps and eposimity, (no time for c-section) as he flatlined and needed resuscitation at birth, I needed emergency surgery, and reconstructive surgery.

I've been told I'm being competitive trauma births, for someone asking ME to TELL THEM by birth experience.

Evidently I don't give this information freely.

MammaTJ Fri 23-Aug-13 20:21:07

I had one natural, one EMCS with epidural and one EMCS with general anaesthetic. Never did I feel the need to be competative about it until a friend kept telling me about her and her baby nearly dying, repeatedly, in exactly the same words, then I had to tell her how close me and DCs came, then she stfu.

HooverFairy Fri 23-Aug-13 20:21:38

YANBU - I too have a judgy friend like this. Saying 'nasty' epidural is being judgemental and superior because she didn't have one. New mummy mode doesn't exist, yes, she should be proud but she's a bit pathetic to make judgements like that. My friend hasn't given birth yet, but she's definitely hypnobirthing and refusing all drugs we'll see. Don't react to it, ignore, ignore, ignore. Let her be competitive with someone who cares.

pianodoodle Fri 23-Aug-13 20:21:58

Many mums (me included) go a bit 'labour story' crazy after birth, think it's like a PTS coping mechanism

This! Although, I wouldn't have said "I don't mean to gloat" because I wouldn't have been gloating.

I did feel like I wanted to talk to DH and close friends about it soon after but more in a getting-my-head-round-it sort of way than boasting!

meganorks Fri 23-Aug-13 20:22:51

You are being a bit over sensitive but she is being a bit of a twat too. Its just luck of the draw isn't it? Nothing to say her next one will go the same.

Agree with nct comment - they do try and drum it into you that you should be having a natural birth, so I think it does result in some smugness from those who buy into this and achieve it.

I had an epidural because I had a really long labour too - 55 hours shock It was absolutely amazing and I wouldn't hesitate to have one again if I needed it. There are no prizes for going through it without painkillers. People like that get on my wick.

maybe3x Fri 23-Aug-13 20:23:07

She's bonkers. FWIW my first birth was like yours and my second (unintentionally) like hers (was supposed to have a section but ds2 had other ideas). Same outcome, 2 gorg boys smile smile

Thepowerof3 Fri 23-Aug-13 20:23:12

Wow Altinkum, what scary experiences I'm so glad your DSs are ok

ZZZenagain Fri 23-Aug-13 20:23:21

I think women just experience the pain differently. I was the last in my prenatal group to give birth (Germany). None of them were planning on taking pain killers of any type, at least they did not admit to it but I knew I was going to ask for an epidural and I said so to the disapproval of the midwife, so I was definitely the odd one out in that group. I met a couple of the other mums after they had given birth and before my baby was due. One mum told me how she had gone out into the garden outside the hospital, hugged trees and breathed through the pain and it worked very well. GOod for her but I wasn't relying on that myself.

pianodoodle Fri 23-Aug-13 20:24:26

People can be thoughtless though. I feel lucky because the friends I know who had traumatic births never told me about them until after I had DD. Before that they said "oh it's fine"... They are good friends!

MissOtisRegretsMadam Fri 23-Aug-13 20:24:38

For every person who had a better birth than you there will always be someone who had a worse one too!

After a few months it will change to better sleeper/worse sleeper...
Then better behaved/worse behaved and so on and so on!

The one up man ship never ends!

She's bonkers.

I had a fabulous birth with syntocin, gas and air, an epidural, pethidine and diamorphine.

I had another fabulous birth with nowt.

I am very, very proud that I came through both of them smiling, laughing and completely shell shocked

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