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AIBU?

To think we cannot have a puppy?

26 replies

PenguinBear · 23/08/2013 11:04

I hope this isn't going to make me sound ungrateful, I don't mean it to.

The dc have been staying with their grandparents and have told them how much they and Dp want a dog. they know we can't afford it at the moment.

They have offered to buy us a puppy and pay for his vaccinations and care for the first year.

This is all lovely but I feel awfully mean saying no.my reasons are:

we have a very nervy 7 year old cat... When my neighbour comes to the door with her dog on a lead the cat's tail gets huge and he runs upstairs. If we had a dog in the house, the poor cat would be stuck upstairs all the time.
we haven't got time to look after it properly.. I work full time and don't feel a could Leave a puppy alone all day. I haven't got time to walk it twice a day. After work it takes all my time to get dc done with homework, dinner, bath and bed.

-dd1 is allergic... She claims this will be fine as she can 'take a tablet' to stop it everyday

. Her asthma is well controlled now but isn't great around dogs, I don't think I'd be a responsible parent if I bought a dog into the house knowing she is allergic.

AIBU to say no? Apprently it makes me the worst mum ever and it's not fair

Can anyone see any way round these issues?

OP posts:

Report

KissMeHardy · 23/08/2013 11:06

Absolutely NO no no no. Wouldn't be fair on either the puppy or you.

Tell them thanks, but no thanks, very firmly.

ThisIsMySpareName · 23/08/2013 11:09

Tell the grandparents that they can buy the puppy and keep it at their house.

BuskersCat · 23/08/2013 11:09

Why don't you suggest nanny and grandad get a puppy and they can visit it all the time

pootlepootle · 23/08/2013 11:09

yep, that's a no. :) it's a pity that this offer was made before they spoke to you about it rather than the children.

KittyLane1 · 23/08/2013 12:39

Your not being mean, your being very reasonable.

You realise that you can't afford the dog, walk the dog or train the dog. Your cat would be miserable and your daughter is allergic.

Puppies are very hard work. They are cute but they grow fast. They pee, poo, they bark, bite, scratch, dig etc and require a lot of training. They are also very expensive to up keep.

I think its great that you are taking everything into account and making an informed decision

Bowlersarm · 23/08/2013 12:42

You can't get a puppy if you both work full time. You just can't. Totally unfair on the dog.

pianodoodle · 23/08/2013 12:43

You're being sensible if there's no way to get around having to leave the dog on its own all day.

What if grandparents get the dog and the kids visit it instead?

Btw I have a dachshund and they're very hypoa-allergenic! Just a though [grin

pianodoodle · 23/08/2013 12:44

Bah - hypo-allergenic even.

Fuzzysnout · 23/08/2013 12:53

You are being absolutely fair and sensible. The dog can't be left alone all the time. You don't have time to walk or train it. Dogs need feeding and vaccinations, not to mention insurance & potentially expensive vets bills for every year of their life, not just the first year. Will you be able to afford it? What if 'taking a pill' doesn't stop DDs allergy - you would have to rehome the dog at an age when it is no longer cute & appealing.

You are right. You don't want a dog & you're not in a position to give the dog what it needs. Stick to your guns. GPs are highly irresponsible suggesting this to the kids without your approval, however well meant.

specialsubject · 23/08/2013 13:02

NO - for the 'leave it alone' all day reason, never mind all the others which are just as valid. Bark, bark, bark, chew, excrete...will be very cruel to the pup, your neighbours and your house.

repeat - it is CRUEL.

SelectAUserName · 23/08/2013 13:05

YADNBU. You're absolutely right. Puppies are a huge commitment and you all have to be in agreement that you're ready to take it on. A puppy requires time, which neither of you have in sufficient quantities if you work full-time. Time to train, time to walk, time to provide stimulating play, time to socialise with other dogs, time to just be there with them.

They also require money. Lots of it. It isn't just first-year vaccinations. It's the booster jabs every subsequent year. It's food, in increasing quantities as the dog grows. It's insurance for third party damage at a minimum and for unexpected vet's bills, and for the excess if you need to claim on either. It's the bits of the vet's bills which aren't covered by insurance and exclusions. It's spaying /neutering, neither of which are covered by insurance. It's training classes, which aren't free. It's equipment that needs to be replaced as the dog outgrows (or destroys!) it. It's kennels or pet-sitters if you go away and family aren't available to look after it.

Stick to your guns OP, you're absolutely right that you don't have the right set-up for a dog at the moment. In fact you could be the template of when NOT to get a dog: no time, no money, allergic child and pre-existing nervous pet!

Ask the GPs to sponsor a dog at your nearest Dogs Trust centre or a local rescue centre that offers such a scheme in your DCs' names until your circumstances change.

mrsjay · 23/08/2013 13:05

say no you will end up looking after a one year old dog that you dont want and dont really know how to look after suggest the grandparents get the dog and keep it at their house, you can have cats and dogs together we did and my cat slapped the puppy into shape IYSWIM but your cat is nervy , it s'not fair is ok for them to say though, yanbu to say no,

SlowlorisIncognito · 23/08/2013 13:08

It's not fair on a puppy (or an older dog) to be alone for long periods, and it doesn't sound as if you've got time to look after it in other ways.

Also, what do they think would happen after the first year? It wouldn't just cease to cost money. What would happen if it had an accident and needed lots of expensive vet treatment?

It's also completely unfair to your existing cat. I believe the existing pets should always come first. Perhaps you could explain this to your children in an age appropriate way, and maybe say you will review the situation when your cat dies.

AdoraBell · 23/08/2013 13:11

YANBU

All us is the worst mum ever and none of us is fair, it's in the job description Even DGPs are being unfair, to you.

You have more than enough reasons, all of which would be good enough on their own. This is not the right time for your family to bring a puppy into your home.

badbride · 23/08/2013 13:12

I sympathise, OP, but hang in there, you are absolutely doing the right thing by refusing to have a puppy at the moment. As others have said, they need a lot of time and attention and even adult dogs should not be left alone at home all day.

Dogs have evolved to need human company. Not only is it cruel to leave a dog alone for long periods, it often also leads to problem behaviour, such as anxiety, destructiveness and even self-harm (dogs chewing their paws red raw). In the worst-case scenarios, dogs can even end up having to be put down if their behaviour is extreme and can't be fixed: behaviour that was not even their own fault in the first place.

If it helps, Channel 4 are planning to air a documentary later this year about what dogs do when left home alone, see this Daily Mail story. If you're getting grief from the DCs about not getting a puppy, get them to watch this programme and then ask them afterwards what they think.

I can also recommend "In defence of dogs", a great book by John Bradshaw, a scientist who studies dogs. It explains the latest research on how dogs "think" and feel, and why a lot of what you see on TV about dog training is wrong.

worsestershiresauce · 23/08/2013 13:13

It would be incredibly irresponsible of them to do this. A puppy is a massive commitment, they need time and attention, training, mental stimulation, and cannot be left on their own all day. All that will happen is you will end up with an untrained, poorly socialised, probably not house trained adult dog, which you don't want and will be impossible to re-home. There are 100s and 100s of dogs out there with this fate and many of them are put to sleep.

Re-homing an older, trained dog that is used to being left for periods would be just about ok provided you arranged for a walker to take them out during the day.

Arnie123 · 23/08/2013 13:14

Why don't you sponsor a dog at Dogs Trust or a Guide Dog Puppy. They will send you cards and that can be your children's opportunity to "own" a dog. I think it is only a pound a month

AdoraBell · 23/08/2013 13:19

Someone commented on trying to rehome a dog that's no longer at the cute and cuddly stage, can't see who now but that is spot on. Most people want to buy a puppy rather than a dog. My OH has just tried to get rid of 2 puppies he shouldn't have bought and has been told no fucking way 'I can't take them back because I can't sell them now, they are dogs.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2013 14:41

What about an older, non-allergenic dog? A 7 year old Poodle or something? Only if everyone wants it, everyone will walk, train and care for it and you think it's a good idea. Otherwise, stick to your guns.

LynetteScavo · 23/08/2013 14:53

Sponsoring a guide dog is nothing like having your own dog. (Been there done that!)

OP, you have to put your foot down and be the evil mother.

I really want a dog. The DC really want a dog. We can't afford one, we don't have enough time for one. And we have two cats (but I'm sure the cats would cope! )

DH says NO. I think he's evil. But he's right.

LackingEnergy · 23/08/2013 14:55

I believe that if you sponsor a kennel with some rescue kennels (greyhound rescue ect) that you can walk the dog staying in your kennel. So your dc would get a chance to interact with 'their' dog and learn how to care for one if they ask the staff questions :)

Crinkle77 · 23/08/2013 15:40

YANBU in fact you are being sensible. Too many people get a dog without thinking about the practicalities. I had friends who did this twice. Both times it never fitted in with their lives and both times it they had to rehome.

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PenguinBear · 23/08/2013 17:31

Thank you for making me feel better and that I've made te right decision.

I like the idea of suggesting they have the dog and DCs visit. Will suggest that to them when we next see them and see what they say

OP posts:

GhostsInSnow · 23/08/2013 17:45

Penguin, if a quarter the dog owners out there thought things through as well as you then rescues wouldn't be half as full as they are.

100% the right decision I think.

mrsjay · 23/08/2013 18:23

lots of parents get pets so they are not the bad guy I have in the past granted it was hamsters so not much of a disruption I did say no but gave in. I think a bigger pet like a dog does need an adult to say yes or no and i think you have very good reasons to say no

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