to think we shouldn't have done this with the dds?

(101 Posts)
pyulio Thu 22-Aug-13 21:50:39

My brother looked after the dc today and he took them to York races without telling me. I?m quite annoyed by this on its own because it meant they weren?t back but whilst there my brother apparently got them to pick a horse and then placed bets on their behalf. The girls are now talking incessantly about the gambling and bookies and about how exciting they found watching the horses on the navesmire.
My brother backed a few winners and so he had some money and he?s used some of that to buy them ice-creams and sweets. When I came to pick them up he told me what they?d been up to and told him how unhappy I was that he?d taken them on a trip without my approval and that he?d encouraged gambling to them. He just laughed in my face and told me to stop being stupid, I didn?t want to argue with him in front of the dds so I left it there.
When I told DP he sided with my brother and said that I need to go to the doctors for an enema because I?m so full of shit hmm. AIBU to not want gambling promoted to my 7 and 9 yo dds?

pyulio Thu 22-Aug-13 21:51:21

he not we in the title blush

craftycottontail Thu 22-Aug-13 21:53:10

YANBU - it's your perogative what you do with your DDs and what values you choose to teach them. I'd be really wary of letting him look after them again if this is the regard he shows for your parenting decisions.

Pipparivers Thu 22-Aug-13 21:54:44

Put simply, your brother took his nieces on an unexpected day out and made a fuss of them.... And you are pissed off????

It's not like he takes them to sit in a bookies every day after school. Your DH is right.

nemno Thu 22-Aug-13 21:55:52

I wouldn't be bothered by it at all, I was taken to the races at similar ages and I and my siblings don't gamble as adults apart from the odd sweepstake. Interested to hear others' views on this, it just would never have occurred to me this was a problem. And I abhor the casual gambling culture that does seem to exist now.

BellaVita Thu 22-Aug-13 21:57:17

I would not find this a problem at all.

motherinferior Thu 22-Aug-13 21:57:28

That sounds like a terrific day out, I have to say. Utterly thrilling. No wonder they can't stop talking about it.

I once won £3.50 at the Catford Dogs, which was the best I've ever done.

CharityFunDay Thu 22-Aug-13 21:57:42

YABslightlyU -- the kids had a fun day out by the sounds of it. OK, so they were exposed to gambling. It's not like he injected them with heroin or took them to a poker den something. What to you seems an unacceptably "adult" thing to do probably seems little more than a game to them. Get some sense of proportion. Their excitement will pass, they're just hyped up.

My childhood exposure to gambling was games of Newmarket for pennies, after Christmas dinner, and it never did me any harm. I don't gamble now. Perhaps explain the laws of probability to them? Or explain that it's not a guaranteed path to riches (to put it mildly)?

I think your partner was out of order to speak to you like that.

Garcia10 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:58:03

Sounds like they had a fun day with their uncle.

I'd be very surprised if this affects them in a negative way at all. I could go into huge detail about the gambling problems in my family and the inappropriate places and circumstances that I was involved in when I was a child and young adult but I'd just like to assure that these experiences did not turn me into a gambling addict.

Just chill and be pleased that your brother wished to spend time with his nieces/nephews.

Trifle Thu 22-Aug-13 21:59:04

Goodness me, chill out. We love placing a bet on the grand national and I've taken my two to the races before, there's nothing quite as exciting. Doesn't mean they're going to turn into gamblers anonymous. What fun they must have had And now you're spoiling it for them.

Lilacroses Thu 22-Aug-13 21:59:09

I do know what you mean OP. I am a bit like that if my ex p or her parents do certain things with Dd but otoh I think you need to lighten up a bit. My DP loves those 2p games at the fair and has got Dd hooked on them so that whenever either of them are near a fair or arcade they "have" to have a go on them! It really annoyed me for the same reasons you have stated. However, they only ever spend up to £1 and they don't obsess about it at all in between. It hasn't turned into any great big nightmare despite my concerns! I actually don't think having the odd flutter on horses or buying a lottery ticket or whatever is the end of the world. Most people don't develop habits just from doing that.

Also you can talk to your kids about it and say that although it was fun for them etc people very often lose alot of money doing that etc etc.

It is good for children to have different experiences though isn't it?

inkyfingers Thu 22-Aug-13 21:59:10

Abhor the way your DP spoke to you shock

Lj8893 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:59:53

I wouldn't have been annoyed at it. There's a difference between taking them to the bookies and showing them how to gamble and taking them to the races for a fun memorable day out.

He sounds like a lovely uncle IMO.

RosieLig Thu 22-Aug-13 22:00:16

I think you're overreacting. I would be thrilled for my kids if my brother did that with them. Your partner on the other hand, that is truly nasty- I'd be more worried about that, sorry sad

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Thu 22-Aug-13 22:00:37

You are over reacting, many people enjoy a flutter at the races without having a gambling problem.

Floggingmolly Thu 22-Aug-13 22:01:37

I'm with your dp... He didn't promote gambling to your kids; he took them for a fun day out which they seem to gave thoroughly enjoyed.
What is your problem??

lotsofdirections Thu 22-Aug-13 22:01:39

I went to Sandown Park with my grandad often from the ages of 5-15. It was brilliant, I have amazing memories of the fun we had. As for gambling I enter a sweep for the Grand National every year and don't even do the Lottery. If you had never discussed these issues with him I think YABU after all not every one who goes to a racecourse is a gambler in the same way not everyone who occasionally goes to a pub is a alcoholic. Thinking about it I might start doing the lottery so if I win I can buy a racehorse!!!

HeySoulSister Thu 22-Aug-13 22:02:13

They will remember that day out forever!

It won't turn them into gamblers tho

saintmerryweather Thu 22-Aug-13 22:02:25

my mum and dad took my sisters and i to the races when i was about 9. we found it all very exciting, and yet ive never been to the races since or even been into a bookies. lighten up a bit, your dds had a lovely day out

Shyer Thu 22-Aug-13 22:02:59

You're overreacting - you should be grateful your DDs have such a lovely uncle - but your husband overreacted worse. He was ruder than you.

thinkofthemoney Thu 22-Aug-13 22:03:09

Seriously? Only on MN.
Why the long face OP? what a mare!

What a great day out and what a lovely Uncle they have.

Please relax. It doesn't mean you have to take them to Coral to place a bet. They spent the day doing something completely different and enjoyed it. What more do you want?

Idespair Thu 22-Aug-13 22:04:10

This is not a problem. My dh let my dc pick a horse in a race once, they found it exciting but we spoke to them about it just being a bit of occasional fun and not a good way to make money.

MammaTJ Thu 22-Aug-13 22:04:21

Is your DP always so descriptive and funny? grin

I am sure your children do not need to join GA because of this one day out though.

Smartiepants79 Thu 22-Aug-13 22:04:50

Personally think its just a bit of fun. It's unlikely to lead to a life long gambling addiction. They've had a fun day with their uncle and the races are a good family day out. It all pretty harmless.
However he probably should have told you he was taking them out and if it really bothers you that much he should respect that and not take them there again unless you are happy with it.
On other hand if you trust him to babysit you must trust him to take care of them wherever they are.

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