uninvited to wedding

(83 Posts)
treesntrees Thu 22-Aug-13 18:32:14

am I being unreasonable to be upset that son and daughter in law have been un-invited to cousin's wedding because they were late RSPBing due to difficulties in arranging child care for child free wedding?

firesidechat Fri 23-Aug-13 12:28:47

I've just received an invitation which gave us less than 10 days to RSVP and the RSVP date was a whole 4 months before the wedding! That did seem a bit odd, but maybe they had their reasons too.

My daughter sent her invites out about 5 months before the wedding and the RSVP date was a month before. They had to finalise numbers with the caterers 2 weeks before the wedding and they allowed a couple of extra weeks for the stragglers. Someone cancelled the day before the wedding and that was two uneaten meals that we had to pay for.

An RSVP 6 weeks prior to the wedding doesn't seem too bad.

Trills Fri 23-Aug-13 11:42:15

YABU to be "upset" about other people and whether they are invited to a wedding or not.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Fri 23-Aug-13 11:38:03

I think it's absolutely fair enough! Won't they get to just the evening now or are they being deleted from the acknowledgment if the bride and groom for the rest of time? That would be a bit ott.

I think your son should contact the B&G, apologise for not being able to sort out childcare more quickly and say it is probably better if they don't attend. Truthfully distant(ish) family are not likely to be top of B&G's wanted list at a wedding.

mylittlesunshine Fri 23-Aug-13 11:15:19

I think with timings etc venues really differ... We had to pay our final bill 6 weeks before but didn't have to give specific dietary requirements until 2 weeks before, because we were paying the bill we needed numbers of confirmed guests 6 weeks before. We had one family of 4 confirm by the correct date only to cancel on us 3 days after we paid the final bill which was annoying. We had 2 more who said yes very early on and cancelled 7 days before the wedding and 2 who said they needed to check if they could get time off and were working on it, I had to ask them 3 times if I should confirm without them as it was now cut off date and eventually she said they couldn't come as she was struggling to get it off only to come back 2 days later to say they could now come!

I wanted to scream, cry and elope all at once!

Did you get married recently mother? We booked ours a year ahead and some venues were already taken, as was our top choice of photographer (wedding is in 3 weeks)

MotherofDragons82 Fri 23-Aug-13 10:55:56

I'm another one who only sent out invitations about six weeks before the wedding. We only booked the venue 12 weeks before. So six weeks before, for finalising things, seems very early to me (and a bit barmy).

MintyChops Fri 23-Aug-13 10:00:12

Well in that case YANBU to be upset and I admire you for restraining yourself from saying anything. It would probably cause a family rift if you did but equally, try not to let it fester for you and cause you more upset.

ageofgrandillusion Thu 22-Aug-13 22:37:17

It sounds like they needed to get their skates on instead of fannying around with is grandma babysitting/isnt she etc. 200 miles is a long way in any case - lucky escape is how i'd look at it.

MrsKoala Thu 22-Aug-13 22:32:40

i thought OP said the MOB said 'consider yourself uninvited then' which is not the same as assuming they had declined.

BlehPukeVomit Thu 22-Aug-13 22:30:26

It depends what was said when your son and DIL contacted the bride and groom? It would be normal at this time to agree a date by which the bride and groom would need a firm answer.

If they contacted them when the invites first went out and then didnt contact them in the intervening 4 and a half months to keep the bride and groom updated then I can understand why they were uninvited.

NicknameIncomplete Thu 22-Aug-13 22:23:41

I organised my whole wedding in 6 weeks so this is all strange to me.

Are the cousins close? If not i wouldnt b that disappointed in being uninvited.

MidniteScribbler Thu 22-Aug-13 22:20:52

Sounds more like a case of them not having their care sorted by the deadline, so brides mother said that numbers need to be confirmed and she'd assume they were decling, rather than being 'uninvited'. If you can't give a definite answer by the rsvp date, and the hosts can't wait any longer due to needing to advise venue, caterers, etc, then you're a no.

MrsKoala Thu 22-Aug-13 21:50:38

What was the exact wording of the 'un-invitation' OP?

MrsKoala Thu 22-Aug-13 21:48:52

i think 4 weeks is quite a short turn about time to expect people to organise things to travel that far away from dc, especially if they had already asked for 'extra time'. Is it your Neice's wedding then OP? Are you married to her uncle or related to her parents?

Viviennemary Thu 22-Aug-13 21:46:22

If a confirmation of the numbers had to be given to the caterers by a certain date then they should have replied before then. But usually caterers are flexible about extra people if needed. They haven't exactly been 'uninvited' but they failed to accept the invitation before the deadline date.

RenterNomad Thu 22-Aug-13 21:41:51

You've been a very good sport about all the teasing,*trees*. smile

Lweji Thu 22-Aug-13 21:41:10

It depends, but if that was the due date, then they should have said yes and if they couldn't attend, give a good enough gift.

If it was an arbitrary date, then YANBU, if the caterer had to be paid, then YABU.

My invites didn't go out until about 8 weeks before! I think finalising numbers 6 weeks in advance is really early.

MrsLouisTheroux Thu 22-Aug-13 21:34:55

TBH if it's 200 miles away and would mean 2 nights/3 days babysitting due to no children being invited, would they be really so sorry to miss the big event?

BrokenSunglasses Thu 22-Aug-13 21:29:12

How long before the date did they RSVP?

If it was only 6 weeks and then they were immediately told that their places had been reallocated, then that's fair enough of the B&G.

If they had only asked for an extra week or two after the RSVP date that was five months before the wedding, and apologised for having to reply late, then YANBU.

treesntrees Thu 22-Aug-13 21:28:07

The cousin is the bride and her parents said they needed definite numbers six weeks before. I am working really hard to excuse this "un-invited" message as I understand organising a wedding is stressful but sometimes my hurt surfaces. I don't want to express this in RL as I am not good with words and don't want to cause a rift in the family. I daresay I will get over it in time.
Yes the invitations were sent about the same length of time as yours MrsKoala

MrsKoala Thu 22-Aug-13 21:23:19

i suppose it's proportionate to when the invitations were sent and how far past the cut off date was then. If they had the invitations 6 months earlier then i would expect to have things sorted by 6 wks before.

Deemail Thu 22-Aug-13 21:22:32

I would not take any information delivered second hand as gospel, I would speak to the people who issued the invite.

We had to pay the final balance for our caterers 6 weeks before so we needed final numbers. The lady making the table plan needed four weeks notice.

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