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AIBU thinking about complaining about a Barclays staff members comments?

(135 Posts)
manfalou Thu 22-Aug-13 14:26:36

Im usually really pleased with the service I get from Barclays and my children have always been welcomed there but today I found myself wanting the punch the woman on the other side of the counter.

I only went in to deposit a cheque and withdraw cash and don't usually do chit chat but she stood up to look at my baby over the counter... this is where the fun starts...

First she said: 'Is that your little girl?' ... to which I replied 'No its my boy' smiling... her reply back 'I can only see blue and cream which can be either' and sat back down.. When i worked in retail when I was just out of school I would always say (if I wanted chit chat about babies) I always said something along the lines of 'Your baby's gorgeous' or 'How old's your baby?' so I didn't get the gender wrong. He's 4 months old too btw, its not as though he's newborn.

She then want on to say 'your first?', my reply 'no he's my second, my eldest will be 3 in October'... her reply 'you don't look old enough to have two kids'... I was livid! I just smiled and said 'Well i'm 24 this Saturday'...to which she repeated.. 'Yeh, you don't look old enough to have two children'. She didn't say it in a 'oh you look young for your age' kind of way, she said it in a 'you shouldn't have two kids at your age, you probably don't know who their fathers are' kind of way. And the way she looked at me... like I was dirt. She went on to tell me that she has ONE son who is 7 years old, he's current at his grandmothers because his dad is a teacher and has had to go into school during the holidays... again said in a snotty way. What I should've said was 'oh well my CHILDREN..yes both of my children have the same father... is an IT consultant for a global company'.

By all means, I think myself I do look younger than 24 but I do not expect professional staff to make such comments, especially when they're said in such a snobbish, rude manner.

SamHamwidge Fri 23-Aug-13 18:15:24

Haven't bothered to read the whole thread but am going to play devild's advocate on this one.

It is hard to put across on MN the tone that someone speaks in and she really could have said those things in a bit of an off manner, even if the OP seems to have taken it all a bit to heart. What gets me is the cashiers's inane comments, namely -

1 is this your first? Admittedly a pet hate of mine as only have one DC and not likely to have more, but I find the question presumptuous and hate being asked it. I know it's not always meant this way buy the implication is you will have more, and you never know someones back story.

2 Commenting on the colour of clothes and presuming child's gender based on that

3 'You don't look old enough' comment again inane and presumptuous as people have kids at all different ages

I do appreciate that as I near 40 I am getting more grumpy and intolerant though.

soverylucky Fri 23-Aug-13 17:34:10

This has got to be a reverse of some sort????

Where are you op? If this is genuine then you are being so unreasonable I don't really know where to begin.

Go on, make a complaint - I can't wait to see the reply you get.

Look back at what you have written about what was actually said. Poor woman - trying to make conversation that's all.

digerd Fri 23-Aug-13 17:27:37

The intent of the Barclays cashier would have been clear in her tone of voice and body language, especially the facial expression, not the actual words.
hamdangle - if your sister did not say that in a cheeky, pulling your leg manner then she was nasty, but obviously jealoussmile.

emsyj Fri 23-Aug-13 17:06:23

When I was waddling around the office pregnant with DD2 last year, someone asked if it was my first baby and I said, 'No, second' then she said 'You don't look old enough'. I'm 34. I was delighted.

A few weeks ago I was chatting to a fellow customer in TK Maxx and she was asking me what I thought of various baby blankets etc, she mentioned having an 18 year old and I said she didn't look old enough to have an 18 year old - she beamed and said 'thank you'.

I'm really struggling to find a way to see offence in 'you don't look old enough'... confused Clearly it's quite a common thing for people to say, so why read into it?

Poor Barclays woman was probably just trying to make the day go quicker by striking up conversation. I used to do the same when I had a dull, repetitive customer-facing job. I hope I didn't offend anyone... I do seem to recall once telling a customer that the dress she was trying on was an old lady dress, and she shouldn't be wearing it cos she wasn't an old lady.... blush

Crowler Fri 23-Aug-13 16:56:03

I know you were kidding! That's why I laughed. smile

strokey Fri 23-Aug-13 14:23:24

Crowler I was only kidding!

Just after I had my first aged 23 I was in Morrisons when a nice old lady said I looked too young to have a baby (in a kind way), I was thrilled. Then my 50 year old father joined me and she asked "is this dad then?" confused

hamdangle Fri 23-Aug-13 14:10:36

Is this a Joke? apart from maybe being over sensitive about your age I cant even see what's wrong with the other comments.
So she couldn't tell DS was a boy and didn't tell you he was gorgeous. Please complain. It will give the staff at Barclays a good laugh.

I'm 34 but I look younger and my DS is 17. No one ever believes he's my son. It's flattering and i would never even think to get offended. Although often people are so surprised they ask rude questions like how old am I or how old was I when I had him. I tell them that I was 12 when he was born and was the youngest mother in the North West at the time and in the paper and everything. Their shock faces do not get old.

Someone did think DS was my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago though. *voms. I told my sister and she said "yeah, and you don't even look that young anymore so they were probably just thinking you were a dirty cradle snatching cow."

alistron1 Fri 23-Aug-13 14:00:20

I was told by a young man yesterday that I didn't look old enough to have a 16 year old daughter. This is the benefit of sprogging when young. I had 3 kids by the time I was 25. And my DP is a teacher. Does all this make me a goodie or a baddie on this thread?!

Ghanagirl Fri 23-Aug-13 13:32:48

When my twins were babies, an old man congratulated me on how cute they were said are they two boys my DD was in pink and DS blue, he then went on to tell I shouldn't have anymore yet wait till I was older and go back to college, I was 37 at the time, tbh I felt mildly outraged for about 2 seconds then couldn't wait to tell everyone how young I obviously looksmile
Take it a s a compliment at 24 you should look young, you are young (but of course not too young to have as many kids as you choose)

pinkyredrose Fri 23-Aug-13 13:29:22

IT consultant for global company = 1st port telephone helpline for Virgin Media!

My husband's just a gobshite.

Is that why I love it so much on the rare occasion that people tell me I'm too young to be a mother? smile

trixymalixy Fri 23-Aug-13 13:13:49

She was trying to give you a compliment! It is your insecurity that has made you read something into it that's not there.

I'd love to look younger than my age.

magimedi Argentina Fri 23-Aug-13 13:11:26

I told a very nice woman in a shop that she didn't look old enough to have a 5 & 7 year old & she said that I'd made her day!

Crowler Fri 23-Aug-13 13:11:22

She mustve confused you with someone whose husband DOESNT work for a global IT company.
Which could be an easy mistake to make considering how young you look. Lets face it, most people who aren't old enough to have 2 children couldn't possibly bag a man who works for a global IT company.

That's the only possible explanation for her behaviour.

I would've quietly told her "actually my husband works for a global IT company" Im sure she would've been really embarrassed and apologised.

I just burst out laughing at this one.

TheCraicDealer Fri 23-Aug-13 13:05:17

Am I the only one who saw, "I can only see blue and cream which can be either" and thought Barclays lady is clearly an mn'er?

Anyway, OP I would suspect that you have had negative comments made about your choices previously and now pick up on remarks that are supposed to be completely innocuous.

If you're happy with your life (which you probably are with two beautiful children and a successful DH, all of which you're clearly proud of) then let it go. Life's too short to worry about what the lady at the bank might think of you. Which, incidentally, was just that you look young to have two children.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 23-Aug-13 12:54:04

IletHimKeep

Quite

Let's hope all the "get a grips", "get a lifes" "you're paranoid" etc etc haven't distressed someone who is genuinely struggling a bit.

SarahBumBarer Fri 23-Aug-13 12:51:29

Some people just don't seem come across as friendly.

Y'know the way some posters just don't seem to come across as rational?

MidniteScribbler Fri 23-Aug-13 09:28:01

Just because you're old enough to have children, doesn't necessarily mean that you are mature enough.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Thu 22-Aug-13 20:31:01

sigh. I had DD at 24, and used to get riled about things like this. The chance would be a fine thing these days. NO-ONE tells me I look too young for anything any more!

usualsuspect Thu 22-Aug-13 20:30:06

Funny how she never came back...

ILetHimKeep20Quid Thu 22-Aug-13 20:21:14

I think the op has the message now. And a character assassination to boot.

BellEndTent Thu 22-Aug-13 20:19:08

I'm [gasp] 31 now and am increasingly grateful when it happens these days. I feel several years of no sleep are starting to take their toll on my babyface. grin

Somethingtothinkabout Thu 22-Aug-13 20:17:34

Your young years show with your inability to stealthily boast.

Have a biscuit and some ketchup truffle oil? (I'm wracking my brain to think what the wives of global IT consultants have as a condiment with their pomme frites).

Just chill, she was just making inane chit chat.

kali110 United States Thu 22-Aug-13 20:05:51

Bellend i wish i was still being called the young one :-(

kali110 United States Thu 22-Aug-13 20:05:01

Is this a reverse aibu?Im 27 and forever being told i don't look my age. Pubs don't even think I'm over 18.
I think your overreacting. I wouldn't make a complaint, they wont take it seriously. These places do have to make chit chat! She didn't know the sex of your child? How dare she!
If things like this ate getting to you id talk to someone as being this paranoid cant be good for you.

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