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To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

(430 Posts)
funkypigeon Tue 20-Aug-13 20:29:05

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

EstelleGetty Thu 22-Aug-13 14:03:09

I also loved the post (sorry forgotten the name and can't scroll back on phone) of the poster who suggested that if someone disagrees with her, they must have 'baggage'!

LessMiss. For the third time. I have no idea how you managed to take from my post that I a) suggest that sexual preferences have 'baggage' attached or b) suggest that anyone who disagrees with me has 'baggage.'

In fact, I never used the term 'baggage' in conjunction with a person. I said discussions surrounding race and racial terminology carry baggage or, if you prefer, are loaded with meanings and connotations formed from centuries of hierarchy, prejudice and abuse. Which cannot be forgotten. And that is why we need to always speak mindfully and respectfully when we speak about race, because misuse of words can still be offensive and harmful to people. The histories of colonialism and oppression are not going to go away.

I think that's pretty much essential for decent behaviour.

Funkypigeon, what you said initially could be construed as racist. But you've clarified what you meant, apologised for any offence caused and that is enough. I don't think there are racist 'people,' there are racist behaviours and we have certainly all been guilty of offensive behaviour at points in our lives.

ArgyMargy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:27:55

Yes, funky. For future reference, population of Asia is 4.1bn, population of Pakistan is 178m. India is 1.2bn, China is 1.3bn. So if you are going to name one country to stand as a proxy for Asia, Pakistan is not really a good choice. In fact why not use Asia to refer to Asia.

funkypigeon Thu 22-Aug-13 15:04:35

argymargy- you are sarcastic, what a horrible trait. Can't you write properly?

Yes I did clarify, and apologised so that should be the end of it.

funkypigeon Thu 22-Aug-13 15:05:47

Because, curlew I made a mistake when writing it.

curlew Thu 22-Aug-13 15:09:52

You wrote Pakistani by mistake?

How on earth did you do that?

funkypigeon Thu 22-Aug-13 15:12:16

Actually it was because I felt weird putting Pakistani again so I put Asian instead. Ok?

curlew Thu 22-Aug-13 15:15:09

Not OK.

funkypigeon Thu 22-Aug-13 15:30:09

Oh alright curlew, give it a rest will you?

ArgyMargy Thu 22-Aug-13 15:32:27

Yes, funky, I can write properly. I didn't mean to seem quite so sarcastic, however, so I apologise.

funkypigeon Thu 22-Aug-13 15:37:44

Apology accepted, argy

OP I don't think it is racist no, your preference is your preference.

Personally I only seem to go for white men with dark hair and blue eyes and a particular build, that rules out a whole host of other men. It is my personal preference that is all.

There is so much sensitivity around race now, that people like the OP are worried about voicing their personal preference even when it is entirely reasonable (and human), I find that very sad.

MoonlightPicnic Thu 22-Aug-13 15:42:19

When I was a singleton a few years back I used to find it strange that some people on internet dating profiles would put that they weren't interested in members of their own race.

Lavidaenrosa Thu 22-Aug-13 16:27:15

You like what you like.

I like men with black curly hair. The only boyfriend with black curly hair became my DH. But not because of his black hair. Keep your options open OP.

Lavidaenrosa Thu 22-Aug-13 16:29:38

mixed race is the prettiest ever Not true. There is beauty in every 'race'.

Lweji Thu 22-Aug-13 16:45:05

How about Bangladesh and Japan? wink
Thailand, Vietnam, just to name a few.

It would have made more sense to say Indian (as in Indian subcontinent) than Pakistani (although there are at least two genetically distinct groups in India - "Reconstructing Indian population history. Nature. 2009 ), and totally unreasonable to have meant all Asian, as the countries you mentioned have quite distinct types.

Anyway, take note in future.

EstelleGetty Thu 22-Aug-13 16:45:35

Absolutely, Lavidaenrosa, but I found that post offensive mainly because it suggested that all mixed race people are somehow the same.

Lavidaenrosa Thu 22-Aug-13 17:01:37

Estelle I think it's a clumsy attempt to sound/be nice about someone who is mixed race.

And there are so many mixed race, I believe the main definition is someone with a black and white ancestry but to me means any kind of 'mix'.

Southamericans are almost all mixed race, according to me.

Jewelledkaleidoscope Thu 22-Aug-13 18:42:32

Um... latara and world citizen , I think you may know each other grin

TheOneAndOnlyFell Thu 22-Aug-13 18:46:45

I don't think it is racist to say that you are generally unattracted to them, no, but I do think it is blinkered and small minded to say something like 'I could never be attracted to a Pakistani (or insert ethnicity of choice) man.'

You haven't met them all yet - you don't know. grin

Jewelledkaleidoscope Thu 22-Aug-13 18:47:33

Oh dear, apologies, read that all wrong backwards, ignore me

Moche Thu 22-Aug-13 20:45:11

Just google 'green eyed Pakistani' (& look at images) & see the diversity - for those who assume all Pakistanis are the same.

[samandi - wrote in hurry so unclear sentence construction: meant Sufism is more Buddhist in outlook (than many other types of Islam). Fully aware 1000 ish years later. Also origin of Buddhism is contentested: early evidence in N Pakistan. ]

dysfunctionallynormal Sun 01-Sep-13 04:01:25

Ur not racist lol! You can't force yourself to be attracted to people. I'm not attracted to asian men (and i'm asian myself!). I've never been attracted to or fancied afro caribb.men,or chinese either. That doesn't make me racist,just means that chemistry has never been there even when faced with an obv gorgeous man. I wouldn't say Never but i think it is highly unlikely that i ever will.

EmmelineGoulden Sun 01-Sep-13 07:30:14

I think it's hard to accept that we pretty much all internalize racist attitudes despite consiciously believing racism is wrong. But growing up in a racist society, it is practically impossible not to have internalized some of the racist value system. People can't be expected to sleep with people they aren't attracted to, but that doesn't mean some of the reason for that attraction or lack off isn't due to racist socialization.

Project Implicit, though obviously limited, is an interesting exercise in seeing to what extent you hold some attitudes without realizing it.
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html - for computers with a keyboard
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/user/agg/blindspot/tablet.htm - for tablets

EmmelineGoulden Sun 01-Sep-13 07:31:37

Oh sorry. Didn't realize this thread had been dead a week+.

dysfunctionallynormal Mon 02-Sep-13 20:48:14

lol! sorry - just me browsing. thanks for the links tho, food for thought!

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