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I want to do a degree, my husband isn't keen, AIBU?

(20 Posts)
BetterNotBitter Tue 20-Aug-13 13:00:58

I'm currently a SAHM to my 18 month old (by choice & happy with it).

Before this my main career was in managemt but a year before I fell pregnant I decided to take the plunge and pursue my lifelong career dream of becoming a teacher. To check that this was definitely what I wanted to do, I took a job as a classroom assistant, which I loved and the plan was to enrol to uni the next year. Then I fell pregnant and knew I wanted to stay at home with our little on (this is what my husband wanted too).

Now baby is 18 months. We want to continue with me being a SAHM until she starts nursery at least and are panning to try for another baby at somepoint in the next year or so.

Thinking about my career options, I don't want to be in the position in 5/6 years time where Me and my family are ready for me to return to employment but I'm not qualified so then potentially have to start a 4 year full time education program.

So I've been looking into open university for the undergraduate part, with a view to start in February.

My husband has always been aware of my hopes to become a teacher and has always gone along with my suggestions of what I plan to do.

Now that I'm looking into it seriously, with a view to enrol & apply for a tuition fees loan my husband has changed hs tune. On the grounds of not agreeing with taking on the debt of a tuition fee loan. I'd understand, but you don't start to repay until you're earning 21k so if that was the case then surely the repayments wouldn't be an issue? I can't decide if I'm being selfish or if he's being unreasonable?

My thoughts are that whilst doing the degree would men I owed the loan back, my earning potential as a qualified teacher is much better than if I went into a classroom assistant role so what's the problem?

Thoughts appreciated x

BlazinStoke Tue 20-Aug-13 13:04:08

He is being unreasonable, not you.

5Foot5 Tue 20-Aug-13 13:04:47

It sounds like a good idea to me. Does your DH properly understand about the repayments not starting until you are earning enough and then only being a percentage of the extra amount? Maybe some examples based on teacher's starting salaries might help him to see it is worth it.

primallass Tue 20-Aug-13 13:08:48

He is BU. You won't pay it back until you have a job and you won't get that job without it.

mrslyman Tue 20-Aug-13 13:11:20

YANBU an Open University degree during your SAHM period is a great idea. I'm also wonder if he fully understands how the tutition fee loan works, as he's not being unreasonable to be cautious about taking on debt.

If I was you I'd get all of the facts and figures together and clearly presented so that you can go through them together and he can see that this is quite different from a tradditional loan where you take it out and start paying it back immediately.

Good luck with the course.

SelectAUserName Tue 20-Aug-13 13:13:54

Is it actually about the tuition fees, or is that a smokescreen behind which he's thinking "shit, if Better is spending time studying, I'm going to have to step up and start doing more of the childcare / housework"?

sooperdooper Tue 20-Aug-13 13:16:12

I think he is BU, in the long term you'll have a better career, and one taht will fit better with having a family too! Does he fully understand how the tuition fee loans work, it's understandable to worry about getting into debt, but maybe he doesn't fully understand when & how you'll pay it back

EatingAllTheCrumpets Tue 20-Aug-13 13:27:05

Snap!
I have just applied at Open Uni and am waiting for confirmation of my student loan.

DH was not supportive at all considering it will be £16k of debt. He didn't understand that a student loan isn't like a normal loan and doesn't affect your affordability. On a teachers wage you'll be paying back around £70 ish a month and after 30 years any remaining balance is written off.

Have a sit down with him and explain the ins and outs of the loan. And also the benefits of changing your job etc.

Once I explained DH was fine about it all. It's going to be a hard slog as I work FT so I can only really study part time. But thanks to mumsnet I am going ahead with it!

I'm getting too old to be doing a job I don't love grin

EatingAllTheCrumpets Tue 20-Aug-13 13:27:26

Snap!
I have just applied at Open Uni and am waiting for confirmation of my student loan.

DH was not supportive at all considering it will be £16k of debt. He didn't understand that a student loan isn't like a normal loan and doesn't affect your affordability. On a teachers wage you'll be paying back around £70 ish a month and after 30 years any remaining balance is written off.

Have a sit down with him and explain the ins and outs of the loan. And also the benefits of changing your job etc.

Once I explained DH was fine about it all. It's going to be a hard slog as I work FT so I can only really study part time. But thanks to mumsnet I am going ahead with it!

I'm getting too old to be doing a job I don't love grin

MyNameIsLola Tue 20-Aug-13 13:30:24

YANBU, he is though.

U started my degree with two young children and its the best thing I ever did. I went on to do post-grad corses and racked up loads of debt but I don't regret it for a second, I loved my studies and w

MyNameIsLola Tue 20-Aug-13 13:31:05

And would do it again in a heartbeat.

Your husband should be supporting you wanting to better yourself and improve your prospects.

Ipsumlorem Tue 20-Aug-13 13:33:20

YANBU. Having spent the end of my teens and the vast majority of my twenties at university I am now in the position of approaching 30 and my DH and I being desperate to have children - however I am also therefore in the position of potentially taking a massive knock to the fledgling career that I have just spent 7 years in total gaining qualifications for! angry

I think it is very reasonable of you to study through the OU now, get your qualifications and then put these into practice once your young children have grown a little rather than having to start from scratch in a number of years.

Also agree with other posters regarding student loans as I am now earning much more than I would've been without study - even taking into account the repayments.

sonatensatz Tue 20-Aug-13 13:43:57

If this is your first degree you may well find that you qualify for grants to cover the costs of the course that do not have to be repaid. I have just finished an OU degree and have had full funding. With the OU you apply for the funding through them.

I have done all my study whilst my children have been little. My youngest is going to pre-school this year and I am starting on the professional training for my chosen career now so I will be ready to go back to work when she has finished reception class.

BetterNotBitter Tue 20-Aug-13 15:14:48

Thats great, thanks to everyone that replied.

Lovely to hear such encouragement about the OU degree too. I'm going to do it!!

Oh my goodness, how exciting!!!

Lumpybumpymuma Tue 20-Aug-13 15:23:25

Good, as you are not being unreasonable!! The OU tuition fee loan is fantastic, I start in oct!

FrenchRuby Tue 20-Aug-13 15:24:47

I did my certificate of higher education with OU, cannot recommend it enough!
I'm starting Uni in September (thanks to OU I got into my first choice uni :D ). My dh wasn't keen at first but now he's seen how excited I am he's excited for me. I also had to explain to him that you don't actually have to pay anything back until you earn over 21k a year. Even then it's only a small percentage of your wage taken.

celticclan Tue 20-Aug-13 15:34:32

Your dh is being unreasonable. I am rather hypocritical though as I asked if dh could put his Masters off for another year as it will mean that he won't be able to be involved much at the weekend and I am not sure I can cope with that right now!

squoosh Tue 20-Aug-13 15:46:24

I think you're being completely sensible. You can't quell your ambitions just because he doesn't approve of you taking on a tuition loan. You have a lot of life ahead of you, spend it doing something you actually want to do.

Good luck!

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 20-Aug-13 17:40:23

I wish teaching was as family friendly as it's made out to be.

YANBU to want to retrain- although I'm a teacher and am considering doing what you're doing (studying whilst being a SAHM) to do something completely different!! grin

Procrastinating Tue 20-Aug-13 19:38:49

YANBU, he is. The OU is great and OU students are generally lovely too. It costs a fraction of what you would pay in a normal university and the course materials are much better.

Good luck with your course.

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