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to think a parent should offer to pay for damage their child has done?

(38 Posts)
ballstoit Mon 19-Aug-13 22:40:26

A friend visited yesterday with her DC. While my friend and I were washing up, friend's ds (10), damaged something in my living room. Don't want to say what exactly, in case of being outed, but something like ripping off wallpaper. Wasn't an accident and he has no special needs that I know of.

Friend was mortified, and left shortly afterwards. She didn't offer to repair or pay for replacement, and I haven't heard from her since.

AIBU to expect her to offer to pay? Doubt I actually accept or charge full costs (would be £100+), but surely the offer should be made.

purpleloosestrife Tue 20-Aug-13 20:14:06

If she did not make her child apologise - then IMHO this was extremely bad parenting.

Genuine accidents/or illness aside, 10y is not 2yo, and at 10 a child should be old enough to understand not to deliberately cause damage. It is incredibly rude to think that you will pay for her child's misbehaviour. I wouldn't think of someone like that to be my friend TBH.

Phone her and offer to let her DS do some work for you to cover the cost of what he broke/ damaged. Cut the lawn, paint the fence etc. He did the damage not her and he's old enough to know better.

BrokenSunglasses Tue 20-Aug-13 20:18:56

She should have offered. Even if she can't really afford it, she should have said something that indicates that she accepts the financial responsibility is hers.

She's rude.

waltzingmathilda Tue 20-Aug-13 20:23:27

I'm swinging both ways on this .... a small item, yes you would replace - but that again is dependent on finances. A larger item, your insurance should cover it BUT perhaps a contribution to the excess on the policy.

Lilacroses Tue 20-Aug-13 20:34:55

Wow, actually the fact that her Ds did not apologise (and wasn't told to do so?) is more shocking to me than her not offering to pay. I can understand being so embarrassed and mortified that you might just apologise and then leave but not making your child apologise or contacting you later to reiterate how sorry you are/making some offer of recompense is really poor. We used to have friends with 2 kids that were incredibly destructive like that, I am so glad we no longer see them.

ReallyTired Tue 20-Aug-13 20:36:58

" a small item, yes you would replace - but that again is dependent on finances. A larger item, your insurance should cover it BUT perhaps a contribution to the excess on the policy."

If you claim for damage for decoration on insurance then the insurance company would expect the police to press charges as the damage was done on purpose. It seems a little harsh for a ten year old child to have a criminal record for trashing wallpaper.

"Phone her and offer to let her DS do some work for you to cover the cost of what he broke/ damaged. Cut the lawn, paint the fence etc. He did the damage not her and he's old enough to know better."

A ten year old might make the lawn or a fence look awful. Even if the child has the best of intentions they may be incapable of doing a decent job. Prehaps the ten year old could be made to clean, but since the child has behavioural problems, even that might be beyond him.

ballstoit Tue 20-Aug-13 23:14:55

Still no word from my 'friend' sad

I can't claim on insurance as it's a rented house, and the damage is to part of the house owned by the landlord. Plus, wouldn't want to lose no claims, as would only get about £50 after xs covered.

I don't feel I can chase for a contribution, particularly as not even heard from her since.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Tue 20-Aug-13 23:17:12

YANBU. When ds2 damaged a window at a friends house I paid in full for its repair.

BlehPukeVomit Tue 20-Aug-13 23:37:05

The fact you have not heard from her says it all sad

WafflyVersatile Tue 20-Aug-13 23:44:39

Maybe she couldn't risk offering to pay in case you said yes?

As someone said, skint and too embarrassed to contact you without being able to offer.

chesterberry Wed 21-Aug-13 10:19:54

YANBU to expect her to offer considering it wasn't an accident and her child is 10 years old. That said, if she really is skint it might be that she genuinely cannot afford the £100 and was terrified that if she offered you would take her up on it. If you're struggling to make ends meet £100 would be a lot of money to fork out, she may be feeling terrible about not offering but feel like she really isn't able to.

That said, if it was my DC who had done aged 10 that I would be expecting them to make some sacrifices in order to help pay for the damage, although obviously that only works if she has enough money to give him pocket money or something similar he could give up to pay for the purposeful damage.

SilverApples Wed 21-Aug-13 10:29:31

I just wouldn't have him back in the house. Meet elsewhere or just friend, no DC.
And I'd explain why if I had to.

Fakebook Wed 21-Aug-13 10:32:30

Maybe she doesn't realise how much the damage costs? If its something similar to ripping wallpaper, I wouldn't have even thought that would cost £100 to fix so wouldn't have offered to pay.

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