To think that returning to work after three months is not that unusual?

(65 Posts)
Caff2 Mon 19-Aug-13 22:39:41

I did with both of mine, because I couldn't afford not to after the maternity pay went down a lot. A friend of mine seems to have forgotten I did this, and has just had her first, and is slagging off a member of her ante natal group with phrases like, "Why did she even have a child if she couldn't wait to get rid of him to a childminder?"

I love my children, I do my best for them, but both were in childcare whilst I worked full time from 10 weeks and fourteen weeks respectively.

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 19-Aug-13 23:04:38

I hope you told your friend that she is lucky to have the option of being off for longer, not everyone is that fortunate.

I'm self employed and will probably need to start working at around 3 months as I don't get paid holidays to use up or 6 weeks full pay. I can't risk losing my clients do have to return to work, at least part time. sad

Your friend is being a judgemental cow. Not everyone gets a great maternity package or has a partner who can support them financially to have 9-12 months off!!

maja00 Mon 19-Aug-13 23:05:46

It's pretty unusual in the UK nowadays. I don't know anyone personally who went back before 9 months-ish, and having worked in nurseries can only think of a couple of babies that started at 3 months.

Whatwhatwhat Mon 19-Aug-13 23:08:44

Went back after 4 weeks and will do this time.
Breast fed (not exclusively) for 14 months first time.
I'm self employed and the main earner.

Don't worry she will feel judged one day.

It will probably include a tantrum that will only be sorted by slinging a toddler out of supermarket over her shoulder without any groceries bought.

Or maybe an incident with a mad dash for the loo with a toddler in hand ending with a puddle in a posh shop.

Or maybe just forgetting the cal pol on a crowded train with a teething baby.

You loose the smug. You do the best you can with what you have.

expatinscotland Mon 19-Aug-13 23:12:17

I had to go back 3 months after DD1, too, for that reason.

janey68 Mon 19-Aug-13 23:15:23

Not so usual these days because paid ML is longer. But not that many years ago it was totally the norm for ML to be 12 weeks. There is no right or wrong; just take a look around at teenagers and young adults who would have been in childcare at 3 months of age. Do they stand out as having some sort of problem? Of course not!

When people make that ridiculous comment 'why bother having children if you're going to leave them' it's usually means they have some insecurity of their own which they're transferring. Oh and it's funny, but they never ask that question of their husband!

VenusRising Mon 19-Aug-13 23:15:45

It's entirely normal where I am ( not uk).
I was answering emails a week after returning home from hospital as
self employed maternity pay is shit.
I breastfed for 9 months, and worked while my DC slept and I consider myself a very good mother!

VenusRising Mon 19-Aug-13 23:16:29

Yy janey, they a re insecure and have a dp sized blind spot!

Pachacuti Mon 19-Aug-13 23:17:17

I think it is unusual these days in the UK. So based on the question in your thread title YABU.

But being unusual doesn't mean it's wrong. And it sure as heck doesn't mean that your friend's attitude is acceptable.

expatinscotland Mon 19-Aug-13 23:21:16

I can't see these long mat leaves surviving for long in this economy, tbh.

caff was it a long time ago you took your mat leave?i think people forget you only get 9months smp theses days and years ago you got bugger all

cafecito Mon 19-Aug-13 23:26:35

DC1 I took >a year off. DC2, I was back full time within ~3 months

cafecito Mon 19-Aug-13 23:26:55

and agree, your friend is a twat

cafecito Mon 19-Aug-13 23:27:14

in fact, was more like 2 months

WorrySighWorrySigh Mon 19-Aug-13 23:30:17

I agree with Clayhanger, my DCs all born in the 90s. I went back after 6 weeks, 4 months and 4 weeks respectively for my 3. There wasnt the option to do otherwise.

chickensaladagain Mon 19-Aug-13 23:34:59

Dd2 is 9 and I only took 12 weeks mat leave because that's all that was paid and if I remember right, I got 6 weeks at 90% and 6 weeks SMP which was under £100 a week -after 12 weeks it was unpaid

My mat leave was triggered at 33 weeks due to SPD and she was a week late so I returned at 4 weeks

I was a zombie but my partner was made redundant with no redundancy a week before she was born so needs must

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Mon 19-Aug-13 23:38:36

I don't know anyone who has done that. However, your friend was rude and thoughtless.

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 19-Aug-13 23:39:23

I'm a nanny and many of my jobs have been when the mum returned to work after having bubs and they've been 3/4mths old

Your friend is an arse to make you feel bad

2rebecca Mon 19-Aug-13 23:42:55

I did but am self employed in a small business. Long maty leave is a luxury. It also makes small businesses less inclined to take on women of child rearing age. I think we've shot ourselves in the feet with prolonged maty leave. Working part time and just having a few weeks off is much better for small businesses, especially if you're going to have 2 or 3 kids.

madamginger Tue 20-Aug-13 00:07:06

When DD was born in 2006 I went back when she was 5 months old, as mat leave was only 6 months. Having a year off is a very recent thing.

NatashaBee Tue 20-Aug-13 00:28:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kiwik Tue 20-Aug-13 00:47:56

Paid maternity is only 14 weeks here, so I went back after that each time. DH is self employed, and is ploughing money into expanding his business, so it made sense for me to get back to work and earning as soon as possible after the first couple of DCs.

StupidFlanders Tue 20-Aug-13 00:55:06

Unusual? Seriously? I only know one person who wasn't back to work at 3 months (most go back part time) and we're all professionals.

megsmouse Tue 20-Aug-13 01:13:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waltzingmathilda Tue 20-Aug-13 06:49:22

I went back after 6 weeks, my best mate after 2. MN would have had a field day with her - she took a 6 month secondment abroad when her baby was 3 months old, long before skype etc. Perfectly well adjusted adult FWIW, no attachment/separation issues either.

Todays new mother is lucky in the respect she can be paid for so much time off. It certainly wasn't the case 20 odd years ago.

Being 'sneery' towards people who have to work is pointless. It is an extension of that NCT competitive mother shite that will haunt you until the end of schooling.

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