To actually prefer my own company and to prefer being a bit of a loner?

(92 Posts)
Haloqueen Sun 18-Aug-13 23:57:41

Have I become seriously weird or what? I used to be fairly outgoing and very sociable in my youth etc but I am increasingly finding that people in general ,including my extended family,friends etc just get on my bloody nerves most of the time.I am now 48 and married with 2 teens and far prefer just pottering at home doing things like baking/sewing/mumsnetting/bit of tv than going anywhere sociallyshock. Myself and dh often stay up till the early hours watching a movie,drinking wine etc at weekends and the only thing I enjoy doing outside of the house is walking the dog. Obviously I have to do a bit of necessary shopping, school run etc as we are rather rural.Everyone just annoys me most of the time outside of my own little family well they annoy me too but thats different.
AIBU to carry on like this or will I become a complete eccentric,antisocial loonhmm?

Each to their own.

i am alone every night and a couple of days through the week. I even annoy myself! I hate been alone ne but I am used to it.

Yonihadtoask Mon 19-Aug-13 00:02:35

YANBU

I have days when I am totally happy with my own company. It is nice to attend social events, but then nice to go home and enjoy the peace afterwards.

craftycottontail Mon 19-Aug-13 00:12:26

Depends on what you mean by they annoy you I think!

If you just prefer your own company in that you're an introvert and that's where you draw your energy from then that's perfectly normal. (I'm like this and have to make the effort to spend time with people when I'm not in the mood sometimes - friendships do enrich your life IMO).

If you're finding EVERYONE annoying then maybe that indicates there's something you need to work on to change things - like patience / compassion / whatever. Or maybe you've just had a run of hanging around with odd people!

Unless third option is that you LIKE the situation, in which case why worry! (But you're obviously questioning it).

WetAugust Mon 19-Aug-13 00:17:31

YANBU

People are nard work.

Secretswitch Mon 19-Aug-13 00:22:37

YANBU. I am most happy by myself.

You sound just like me, except we don't have a dog grin
I have actually arranged for people to visit us twice in the next month, and am working very hard to remind myself that they are people I like a lot, and have wanted to visit for years, and that I invited them, so as not to run screaming and hide under my bed until they've gone confused
I know deep down that we will be almost certain to have a wonderful time on both occasions, but I still find myself regretting ever issuing the invites and wishing I had just kept quiet...

ParisianTrialByFire Mon 19-Aug-13 00:40:40

I get this, I quite like spending time at home on my own - watch what I want on tv, have a long bath without someone thumping on the door, that sort of thing. Bliss! But for some reason when people find out I'm on my own they come over, "to keep you company". I honestly don't understand it...

Haloqueen Mon 19-Aug-13 00:40:56

Oh pomI used to do that all the time-arrange for someone to call and then regret it bigtime.I am wiser now and just dont invite people round any more grin-I hate,hate entertaining and having to have the house look spick n span and get food ready etc.I dont even invite my mother around anymore really she annoys me bigtime mind you .I do however call to see her most days as she lives in the town where dcs are at school etc.
I am very pleased to see that there are others out there who feel similar.Thank you for making me feel better.smile

thebody Mon 19-Aug-13 00:43:08

god almighty op!!! are you my twin sister?

defiantly not unreasonable.

I haven't even invited these visitors to the house - I am so not able to cope with the thought of people looking at the state of the place and "judging" me confused - very very few people actually get into my house nowadays. One lot are coming for the day and I have planned a rigid itinerary of Things To Do, and the others are staying at a hotel and again, I have planned Stuff To Do that does NOT involve anyone anywhere near the house confused

Haloqueen Mon 19-Aug-13 00:48:10

Yes Crafty I do like the situation but I realise its probably not regarded as 'normal' or 'usual'.

Haloqueen Mon 19-Aug-13 01:00:21

Oh my lord pom what can I say? Yes,yes its the thought of 'people looking at the state of the place and judging me'-.We live,although rural,on a busy main road which connects several towns and I live in fear of anyone just 'dropping by' as everyone has to drive past our house getting from A to B.I also secretly fear(this is bad) anyone breaking down outside and calling to use the facilities/use phone or whatever.
Actually one day a couple of months ago,on a quiet sunday,I looked out the front window to see a coach had broken down outside on the grass verge.shock. Luckily the next house up had gone out and asked if anyone wanted tea/toilet etc(coach was full of elderlies going on holiday bless them). All I could think of was 'please dont let them call here'blush.
Pom that sentance just about sums me up 'very few people actually get into my house nowadays' grin.
thebody over here for the group hug!

MichelleRouxJnr Mon 19-Aug-13 01:02:58

YANBU
People (I have found) get more annoying as I get older.
I spend a lot of time regretting accepting invitations, thinking of polite ways to decline invitations, and wondering how soon I can leave social situations and get home to my refuge.
DH and I are planning to sell our (city centre) house to buy a rural retreat where we can spend our days socialising with each other (and cats and dogs and pigs) to our hearts' contents!

Oh this post made me laugh so much as I could have written it myself. Turned 40 this year and was wondering if it's an age thing? Dh said he feels much the same. We always used to be fairly sociable but now other people's ways just seem to get on my tits more than they used to. Maybe I just notice people and their differences more these days, who knows? Maybe I'm less tolerant? Set in my ways? I just find it harder to compromise these days, even with extended family and often find myself thinking "well that's not how I would have chosen to do it" when it comes to social arrangements. Things like trying to arrange a bloody time to suit everyone's foibles when it comes to booking an evening meal - I have no patience anymore to try to accommodate people who say things like "I don't want to go out straight from work, I want to go home to get ready first" while someone else in the group will say "I usually eat at 6.30 - any later than that and I'll be feeling ill." Etc etc. Or someone booking a family meal and announcing it's for 3pm. well, to me that's in between meals so i'd have to do lunch as normal for us and the kids and then end up not hungry at the restaurant.I just can't be bothered - I'd rather go out just with DH at a time that suits our own little family.

Plus I think parenting differences/bad parenting resulting in bad behaviour amongst extended family members produce too many inward eye-rolls for me these days and get my stress levels up cos you can't say anything.

We booked our own quiet villa abroad this year as even in an apartment last year the closeness of other people in other apartments or round the pool got on my nerves a bit. Was bliss this year!

Face it and embrace it, OP - you and I are intolerant, set in our ways and insular. grin

Monty27 Mon 19-Aug-13 01:09:13

I'm a loner too. I got used to it too, and it wasn't easy, I'd never really call people when I felt down.

I don't know what's happened to my life, my phone didn't stop all day. Every single one of them wanted comfort. confused

Haloqueen Mon 19-Aug-13 01:26:17

Oh yes indeed curly, the inward eye rolls regarding other extended family members and their precious offspring.Just dont get me startedangry.
Monty noone calls me anymore really-texts yes,calls no.People know better than to call me I think.I must give off an air of boredom and disinterest over the phonehmm.

MistressDeeCee Mon 19-Aug-13 03:11:12

OP your life sounds fine. I sometimes feel the world is too fast for me, I cant take other people's noise, getting in my personal space, etc. Im also self-employed and work from home. So Im not out & about that much at all. I find I quite like that. I do go out with DP on occasion tho, my teens are still at home so will go cinema etc with them at times, and we've all just come back from a family break abroad. Im alone much of the day until DP & teens return in the evening but, I love my day to myself. I work, potter around..I dont crave company, or feel I have to be outside 'doing' anything much. Mum comes round every couple of weeks. I speak to my brother & sister almost daily, but we dont see each other much. Also talk to friends pretty regularly on phone but they know what Im like, I hibernate when ready! I find Im very happy with just the company of DP and the teens, and its enough for me

you are not being unreasonable.
I find other people annoying and find myself becoming more jaded as I get older!
I do seem to attract annoying people though and just want to shout 'sort your head out!' at them most the time.
at the same time though they probably think im a grumpy,opinionated hag!

bluewavesatsea Mon 19-Aug-13 07:47:55

You're not being unreasonable, but your DH is there as default company. How much of the time is actually spent alone, on your own?

Holly94 Mon 19-Aug-13 07:58:34

YANBU. I much prefer entertaining myself over being with other people. I am content to sit on my own and watch a movie/read a book/mumsnet while DP does his own thing. Baby is due on 30th January and mumsnet have informed me that I shall never have a moment to myself again. Apparently I won't even be able to go to the toilet in peace! So I'm making the most of my me-time now.

Trills Mon 19-Aug-13 08:40:03

It's not unreasonable to prefer your own company - but why do you think that everything and everyone has started to annoy you when they didn't before?

CleverClod Mon 19-Aug-13 08:49:56

I love my own company. I actually resent giving up my alone time (all day Monday to Friday) to be with other people.

I'm not grumpy or nasty, just preferring my own company to do what I like doing.

livinginwonderland Mon 19-Aug-13 08:52:13

YANBU! I'm exactly the same. The only two people I can tolerate for any length of time are DP and my best friend from when I was two.

MsVestibule Mon 19-Aug-13 09:25:37

I lived by myself for 16 years before moving in with DH and having DCs. I know people felt sorry for me, but I loved it! When I didn't have a boyfriend I would sometimes get a bit lonely at the weekend, but loved coming in from work every night to the solitude.

However, it would bother me if I'd actually stopped enjoying other people's company too. I don't think I'd feel comfortable settling into a curmudgeonly middle age where everything other people do irritate me.

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