AIBU to think MIL should leave it to SIL to decide

(79 Posts)
numbum Tue 13-Aug-13 23:15:09

Posting on behalf of SIL!

SIL has a 16 year old DS. The man he thinks is his father isn't in fact his father.

She had an affair, got pregnant at 15 but the man didn't want to know and went back to his pregnant wife!

So DNephew has a half sister he doesn't know about and the person he thinks is his dad actually isn't.

The real father got in touch when DN was 6 months old and said he wanted to be involved but SIL told him she wasn't interested and that DN would never know anything about him.

However, MIL is now pushing for SIL to tell DN about his real dad and has threatened to contact the real dad (via FB where she's found him)

I know it's none of my business and I wont get involved or give my own opinion but SIL has asked me to post on here. Does anyone have experience of this?

differentnameforthis Tue 20-Aug-13 03:13:39

He should have been told long before now. For this exact reason, even though I am of the mind that it is up to no one to tell your DN except his parents.

And I don't think she had any right to keep him from his father all these years.

If this doesn't cause untold damage, I will be surprised.

differentnameforthis Tue 20-Aug-13 03:20:11

I had only read a few posts before I left my first message, and having had a chance to read the rest of the thread I would say, let MIL do it.

Only because it seems to me that SIL had NO intention what so ever of telling him. She wants to leave it until he is 18, then there will be a reason that she wants to leave it until he is 20, then 30, then 490. At this rate the kid will never know & your SIL is hiding her head in the sand.

It's beyond selfish of her.

MidniteScribbler Tue 20-Aug-13 04:33:59

He needs to be told, and at his age, I would also think that access to counselling is important for him to be able to process the new information. It's incredibly cruel to not allow a person to know their own background and genetic information, and you only have to listen to how many people have found out accidently later in life and it has caused a major rift and permanently affected their relationships.

EldritchCleavage Tue 20-Aug-13 09:53:25

Actually, I agree with differentname.

The 'reasons' for delaying (16 not a good age?) are flimsy. It is just pushing it endlessly into the future. Let's face it, there will never be a good or convenient time for SIL to tell him because the shit will probably hit the fan and she doesn't want to face that.

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