AIBU to ask your opinions on what me and DH are arguing about?!

(58 Posts)
crabbiepattie Tue 13-Aug-13 10:27:53

ok, so a brief background story...DH and I have 3 children; twin girls age 2.7 and DS just turned 4. I am a sahm and have been since DS was born. Im starting FT uni end of September.

Our disagreement is that apparently i dont do enough with the kids!! He works from home, so knows exactly what I do every day!! well, not exactly, but more than many other fathers who work away from home. I dont drive (taking driving lessons) and dont have much spare cadh each week after general food bills, bills etc. I take the kids to a playgroup every Wednesday morning, will take them to the park once a week, take them to see a friend who has a little boy the same age as DTGs, walk to see their nan, take them out on their balance bikes, or we will pop to asda or town to get a bit of shopping, where il treat them to some crayons and colouring books, or craft supplies. my mum will take either ds or dtgs out once a week, and my mil will have either ds or girls, mostly ds, so i can do driving lessons or take kids for a walk or do housework while kids play. I generally have a lot of housework to do, as we are all home most of the time.

Should I be doing more with the kids?

mindyourownbusiness Tue 20-Aug-13 20:00:41

Agree Dreaming we were poor as church mice when my DCs were small and l used to amaze even myself sometimes at my acquired ability to turn just about anything and everything into a game or challenge or activity.
My DD now in her thirties said to me today in her garden how she remembered playing 'Snap' with her dads and my socks when l was pegging washing out. I used to get my DCs to hunt out as many matching pairs as possible to hang on the line.
The point is my DD still remembers that little game with fondness some thirty years later rather than an arranged activity such as visit to a farm or zoo or whatever. We did do plenty of the latter now and again - money allowing but no - she remembers the sock game.

mindyourownbusiness Tue 20-Aug-13 19:51:31

I hate this when one adult takes it upon themselves to become the 'parent' figure to their spouse or partner. Tell him he is your husband not your fecking headmaster or boss and you are quite happy that you do plenty with the kids thanks very much. My DH has been known to get his ' I'm the boss of you ' head on occasionally and l soon nip it in the bud. There is no place for it in a healthy adult to adult relationship and it can be a slippery slope particularly if the 'chastised' one starts to try and 'do better'. Which you must not do under any circumstances imo , that will make him worse.

Dreamingofcakeallnight Tue 20-Aug-13 19:36:53

I'm genuinely flabbergasted that some posters think that children shouldn't spend time going to the supermarket or hanging around at home! Nonsense children's lives should not be one long string of constant entertainment. Children learn most from experiencing the natural everyday rhythms of family life, which involve cleaning, shopping, cooking etc. this is real life, not one long Disney film!

There are plenty of opportunities to learn things in everyday situations. Planning, counting, measuring at the supermarket. Fractions when folding laundry! But the point I'm trying to make is that this goes in automatically, not like some big scripted event.

Keep doing as you are OP. Your husband sounds like a prat.

SpeedwellBlue Wed 14-Aug-13 19:52:17

Sounds like you do plenty and like they have a nice life

Charlottehere Wed 14-Aug-13 19:44:04

Omg you have an allotment...jeez you sound like you are putting me to shame doing shit loads.

crabbiepattie Wed 14-Aug-13 12:04:01

Well, weve been to playgroup this morning, walked halfway back (i let them walk on the one bit of pavement that we didnt have to cross the road in/was directly home iykwim!) and theyre now in the front garden playing with the flowers!!

CorrineFoxworth Tue 13-Aug-13 22:46:57

"Toddler Whisperer" grin

My DC are years apart. You're doing brilliantly!

Beastofburden Tue 13-Aug-13 22:40:00

Married took her kids on a deer hunt? Seriously? Beats duke of Edinburgh..

NayFindus Tue 13-Aug-13 22:39:09

Literally laughed out loud at herding cats grin.

We only have the one, she's almost 3 and we're completely knackered - it's like having a whirlwind. How can someone that small make so much mess so fast??? You're doing a fabulous job. What was he stressed about and taking out on you anyway? You need to tell him to talk, not bitch, that doesn't get anything done.

Oh I have a 3 year old and trying to actually leave the house is a fine art. He's actually happy as larry just pottering around the house going "you wanna come in my spaceship wip me". So trying to get 3 under the age of 3 out the house sounds like you must be a toddler whisperer of high calibre who could actually herd cats.

crabbiepattie Tue 13-Aug-13 18:11:23

We have an allotment that i can now take them to because DH just finished the fence around it, so thats the plan for tomorrow lunch time after playgroup in the morning. We have a glut of cherry toms which the girls love, so grab some bread and cheese and juice and lunch on the allotment with a bit of weeding/kicking mud about tomorrow afternoon; weather permitting. I suppose I could take them to the beach more often but it the age old issue of having twin toddlers - they run off in opposite directions, and they have done on numerous occasions with me. They never seem to want to hold my hand let alone stay by me. But yet, whenever DH has taken them to the beach theyve stayed close by!! All three kids seem to behave a lot better for him or anyone else!! Plus the beach is about a two mile walk away. Which isnt so far i suppose.

You sound to be doing enough to me! I don't really get what your dh means if you do all what you mentioned.

rainrainandmorerain Tue 13-Aug-13 16:19:44

Sorry, posted too soon -

The only thing I thought was that 'going to the park' once a week didn't sound like much, and with dcs that age, does he mean are they getting enough exercise?

Obvs you could live miles away from a park/not have one you can walk to/not be near any other open space or swings etc.

Soft play if you can stand it is another way to burn off energy, tho that might not be an option if you can't afford it. just at that age, I would want to be sure they are getting enough fresh air and exercise, and park once a week didn't sound like much.

rainrainandmorerain Tue 13-Aug-13 16:13:28

OP, what specifically does your DP think you should be doing with them that you aren't already doing?

UnitedZingDom Tue 13-Aug-13 16:12:18

sounds you are spending a good amount of time and a variety of activities. he is BU

what/how much does he do with them?

I had three close together, when ds3 came along there were some days we didn't go out at all other than to drop off ds1 at nursery and pick him up, there was plenty at home and in the garden to keep them occupied.

I still think he's a cheeky bugger who possibly has no idea how hard it is to get three children out and about and run a house.

You're doing fine but I'd be pissed off why he thought the way he does, are there other issues he has?

Boreoff Tue 13-Aug-13 15:52:45

They do seem to go out somewhere each day so don't understand what more the op should be doing.

They visit a friend once a week, go to play group once a week, visit nan once a week, go shopping once a week, bikes, play in the garden and lots of messy play etc. family days out at the weekend also.

How is this not enough?

recall Tue 13-Aug-13 15:49:20

Emsmaman No you shouldn't judge her. I have three children very close in age, and when they were toddlers it could be dangerous if I wasn't in complete control - they do sometimes all go in different directions, and it can be very difficult handle.

recall Tue 13-Aug-13 15:47:03

Tell him you are encouraging "self absorbed play" wink

Emsmaman Tue 13-Aug-13 15:43:17

I know someone with twins of similar age who doesn't take them out, except to the shops in the buggy. Says they run in opposite directions and she can't handle it. I find it a little surprising but try not to judge...

parakeet Tue 13-Aug-13 15:41:29

Sanam you did say they shouldn't be hanging round the flat or at the shops.

You said: "Kids should be running around/climbing/walking, not hanging around in a flat or going shopping."

Unless one is fortunate enough to be able to afford a cleaner and personal shopper, then housework and shopping have to be fitted in during one's childcare...

peggyundercrackers Tue 13-Aug-13 15:25:47

i think you should go out more during the day and to hell with the housework - they are only little once, enjoy your time with them smile

Boreoff Tue 13-Aug-13 15:16:31

Kids have to fit in with chores and the like, they do not need entertaining 24 hours a day! You are doing fine and do plenty with them.

kelda Tue 13-Aug-13 15:14:26

As I said before, I think you're doing fine. Life cannot all be exciting and adventurous. With three very small children, it is logistically very hard to go off to places - most swimming pools won't even let you take them in without at least two adults.

As for theme parks, they are my idea of a nightmare, and what's the problem anyway if your dh can take them at weekends.

You would soon know if your children were bored.

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