Your whole life.(49 Posts)
Can I ask people when they had their first little baby where they able to do much else a part from things with little one.
I breastfeed my little one who is 5 months old and I don't get a lot else done a part from things with my little one. Which I haven't got a problem with. But I keep having close family saying when I had mine I was able to do this. Or saying other people have more than one child and can get loads done!!
Or am I just useless and should I be able to get more done?
My babies were all waking twice a night at 5 months. I was exhausted and trying to take things easy but enjoy little one.
I think they have selective memories or very very relaxed undemanding babies. Your baby needs you and you want to spend time with it. At least you have your priories right. Baby is only young once.
I even enjoyed the night feeds, it helped that DS was born in May, so the nights were warm.
I loved that I wasn't juggling anything else whilst he fed, everything was peaceful and I just loved that time being so close to him.
when I had my babies I made a point of saying a big fat YES to offers of help - that's the only way my house was prevented from becoming unliveable. I accepted the fact that I was just going to be a milk and cuddle machine for a while, that time never ever comes again so don't miss out on it x
When DS2 was 5 months he was still feeding every 1-1.5 hours (unless by some miracle he was asleep for 2 hrs). I also had a toddler who of course never slept at the same time so got very little done in terms of housework.
With DS1 he was feeding every 3-4hrs by 5 months so it was so much easier although at that time when he slept and for how long was still sporadic so it was difficult to plan and sometimes difficult to finish jobs! He also slept through the night by then so tiredness wasn't really a factor.
As people have said upthread, it really depends on your baby and your parenting style. DS2 wouldn't be put down at all for any length of time (slings are good) until he was moving (which thankfully was at 6 months!) DS1 was quite happy on his mat for 20 mins whilst I did the washing up.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Your baby is the most important person. Housework will always be there!
'BUT BUT BUT I also look back to those precious early 6-8 months with DS1 with real pleasure - you could "sleep when baby sleeps" and just ENJOY him.'
I thought I was the only one that did this. I slept when she did, learned that dawn was beautiful and just spent the first 4 months doing nothing but being in love.
I do remember when DS2 was born thinking back to when DS1 was tiny thinking " "wtf did I do all day?!" because with DC2 you sort of HAVE to get on more.
BUT BUT BUT I also look back to those precious early 6-8 months with DS1 with real pleasure - you could "sleep when baby sleeps" and just ENJOY him.
My ds was only 2 when dd was born and i'd already forgotten how time consuming the baby stage is! Both my and dh's parents had completely forgotten - as MIL said her last memory of looking after "children" is from when dh and bil were stroppy but totally self sufficient teenagers. It's easy to forget just how much looking after a baby needs.
you aren't alone. I got a load of this from mil when mine were little. she always had to have the house spotless/meal on the table/etc and did just fine. then she tells stories of days so bad she fed my oh solely on junk coz she could fling it at him whilst getting the other stuff done.
so a) there's a lot of wearing of rose tinted glasses
b) times change and so do priorities. most people now would leave the hoovering rather than feed their kids crap of the choice was presented to them
It's more important for you LO that you get out and about, unless your house is actually in such a state you might get ill!
My house was a tip for about the first 18 months!
I found a baby far easier than a toddler, I was back at my desk, at home, just days after giving birth.
A mobile toddler though, was very hard work.
Everyone is different, I'm structured, driven and organised - and probably a PITA. If you are happy and relaxed, that's fine.
Whatever you do and however you go about it, just enjoy the precious time with your baby, because time flies by.
I think a lot depends on the baby tbh ds1 needed a lot of nursing and so it was hard to do much more than the basics. By the time I had 4 under the age of 7 I could easily feed, bath and dress a baby, get a toddler organised, one to nursery and one to school, sort breakfast and clear away, peg out a load of washing and put another load in by 9.30 in the morning.
You are doing your best just give it time.
Thank you every one for your replies, they are a great to hear.
My DM gave me one piece of advice which applies to babies & in fact pregnancy. If you're the average person you will get to experience having a baby just a handful of times in your whole life, and the time is measured in months (ie relatively very short!). Whatever you do don't waste it.
I remembered that every time I felt like I should be doing more.
My DS is now 7& half months & its still full on but it does get easier in some ways. But then at baby weighing I look at the teeny tiny new babies and sort of feel amazed & oddly abit sad that that time has been and gone already with him. I'm glad I made the most of it and I told my DH that if he had an issue with housework he could do it himself or organise a cleaner (which he did) & if he wanted roast Sunday lunch he could figure it out himself - which he did!!!
So you get out and about, it's just some days you get next to nothing done in the house.
Sounds perfectly normal and reasonable to me seeing as you have a five month old baby.
You will never look back and wish you hadn't bothered focussing so much attention on your baby, but you could well look back and wish you hadn't worried so much about housework.
When I had my eldest it all seemed ridiculously difficult, I barely did anything but feed him, clean him, and wash his clothes. When I had my DD, (number 4) I came home form hospital, took DS2 to a party, picked him up, cleaned the house and made dinner.
It's completely normal to do nothing but look after the baby with your first, and to add completely normal to stress over everything when it's happening for the first time, (DS1 is 14 now and that means a whole lot of new things to worry about that will doubtless be easier with DD).
Ignore anything you don't find helpful, and enjoy your new baby
Completely agree with rufus, people don't always remember things very accurately - and generally seem to think they coped better than they did.
I am guilty of this too - there's a pretty big gap between my eldest and the twins and I remember thinking back at how easy the baby years had been. Now I'm back in the baby years and eating my words!!
Agree with what everyone else has said. You're not useless. Babies especially first babies are incredibly time consuming.
All these wonderfully organized people who ran multinational businesses whilst their beautiful babies gurgled in their prams are talking bollocks. They 'remember' what they think they remember.
I seriously believe my exMIL 'remembered' that all her children sat up at the table and fed themselves with a knife and fork from around 3 months; at least that's the impression she gave when my eldest was a difficult eater.
Spend time with, and enjoy your baby, forget the housework. Your baby will benefit and so will you.
Totally limited also love that a pp mentioned 'What Mothers Do...' which is the book I buy all new mothers I know.
The jobs can wait. They'll always be there. Your baby won't.
Your family sound ignorant and unsupportive. I used to spend entire days sitting on the sofa breast-feeding, or at least that's how I remember it. You need to ignore them (not easy I know) and do what suits you and baby best. As others have said, you do get better at managing second tim round, but as long as everyone is fed, watered, washed and changed reasonably regularly, I reckon that's good enough. None of it lasts for ever, and you do eventually get some time back for yourself, just not yet awhile...
Good luck and just enjoy being a Mum!
I bf DD (my first) and DH used to tell people that she fed 'every hour, on the hour, for an hour'. I'd start a feed at 2pm thinking, the minute she sleeps I'll start making the tea. I'd still be there, with her latched on, when DH came in at 6pm! He was quite chilled about it fortunately.
There's a poem:
Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow,
For babies grow up, Ive learned, to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
Im rocking my baby, and babies dont keep.
You are not useless: you are doing something very important.
Aww i love this thread,kind of making me broody ( and i so havent felt broody these last two and a half years) but now i think back to when ds was tiny ( now a giant opinionated toddler man) i think awww i loved that time x
I hear you but definitely ignore what IL's say.
PFB is 20 months and I massively stressed from the first couple of months trying to bf, then put her down so I could literally run to the dryer in the garage and up stairs for the next loads of washing. She used to cry as soon as she was put down but I really felt because I was at home the house should be clean and tidy for when DH got back from work. Once we got a sling that did help me do the laundry but I could never vac up or do the ironing because she was a feeding monster !
I gave up after a couple of months and as others have said told DH I would tidy up in the evenings, he wasn't bothered anyway and sid just to concentrate on the baby.
Just feed, eat crumpets, drink tea it won't last long
I may have exaggerated both of those slightly
When I had DD I juggled flaming swords while cooking a healthy, balanced dinner and writing my great novel.
When I had DS I slobbed around in my dressing gown eating crisps and watching BOB the builder on repeat
Whatever works for you - if not "getting stuff done" is stressing you out, that's a bit of a problem. If you're perfectly happy then it's fine.
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