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To think this woman will probably never speak to me again?

(48 Posts)
Threewhiskeys Wed 07-Aug-13 19:52:04

Dd is 3.6 and has a good friend at pre school.

The little girls mother obviously has a good career and is middle class. Im only saying this as it adds to how I'm feeling right now.

Im working class and I also do not have many friends and I'm awkward and shy. I have no self esteem.

Ive often thought about plucking up the courage to talk to this lady but have never had the confidence. Anyway, yesterday as we were collecting from pre school, our two daughters were playing and she started talking to me. Basically how her daughter is always mentioning mine etc. We had a bit of a natter and said goodbye.

Whilst they were getting in to their car my dd started really playing up, not listening and running off. I went to get her and she ran really fast towards a road. I had to bolt after her leaving my other toddler screaming in her pushchair!

I caught up with dd and then she sat on the floor wouldn't move etc. I looked like a real twat. As I dragged her to her feet this other lady drove past.

To make matters worse we popped in to the shop on the way home and both dds were still whinging , whining and not listening. And who happened to be there?! This lady and her well behaved child.

Im so annoyed at dd. I know she's only 3 but I feel like that lady will have crossed out any ideas of a play date after seeing today's spectacle.
I feel so sad and pissed off. AIBU?

twilight3 Wed 07-Aug-13 20:44:27

I would have only thought badly of you if you HADN'T run after a three year old who was determined to get herself ran over.
Perfectly good parenting on your behalf. Don't worry about it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 07-Aug-13 20:46:54

Three please be kinder to yourself. The woman will NOT judge you unless she is a twat. Which she doesn't sound. Your DD will make LOTS of friends...talk to the parents of all of them...be yourself. xxxx

softlysoftly Wed 07-Aug-13 20:47:38

She spoke to you showing she couldn't give a crap what class you are she just wants to be friends with her daughters friends.

She really really won't care, in the nicest possible way you need to buck up a bit and stop being silly.

MrsOakenshield Wed 07-Aug-13 20:49:59

well, I'm as middle class as they come and I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Please don't think that middle class people don't have DC who run them ragged! You do sound like you have low self-esteem, but please take the fact that this woman came and chatted to you, and that your DDs are friends as a real positive. I'm sure you'll be round each others houses swapping horror stories soon enough!

SimplyRedHead Wed 07-Aug-13 20:51:33

Whenever I see anyone struggling with a tantruming toddler I always a) see if they've got a magic technique I can steal when mine kicks off later and b) feel really sorry for the parent.

I'm sure she will have thought 'thank goodness she (you) moved quickly enough to stop her child in the round - well done!' and 'poor woman (you), that looks really stressful. I hope she has a stiff gin when she gets in'.

If I was her I would've been pleased that you were human and had a 'normal' child who does normal stuff.

She spoke to you because she wants to get to know you - I bet that hasn't changed!

*by normal I mean not perfect!

SimplyRedHead Wed 07-Aug-13 20:52:44

*stop her child running into the road not round!

PrettyKitty1986 Wed 07-Aug-13 20:55:11

It's just Sod's law. At least she seems nice and probably won't mind.

There is this really snotty cow at school who is the mother of one of ds1s classmates. She is constantly talking about how great her dc are, looking down her nose at everyone else.
Anyway, one day last month she made a huge spectacle at home time as her ds came out to say he'd gone on to level 7 in reading (only Reception so level 7 is awesome and far ahead of the rest).
I was rolling my eyes to myself and hoping that ds1 would have made some spectacular achievement that day to shut her up. Ds1s teacher then called me over to hand me a plastic bag and tell me (audibly) that he had wet himself that day.

The mum actually smirked as she heared and went past, still cooing over level-seven-kid. Not much of a come back from that! Her smug smile still makes my teeth itch!

zatyaballerina Wed 07-Aug-13 20:58:38

I find other mothers breath a sigh of relief when dd tantrums, I do the same, she was probably feeling very lucky that at least it wasn't hers!!! All young children tantrum and every parent with a child over a certain age knows that, she wasn't judging you.

The problem is that you think she's better than you, she isn't. You are as good and as worthy as anyone else, be kind to yourselfsmile

Patosshades Wed 07-Aug-13 21:01:13

I really doubt she'll have her judgy pants on judging you and your children. More likely if she gave it any thought at all she was thanking the gods it wasn't her child this time.

LoveWine Wed 07-Aug-13 21:03:06

Out of pure curiosity (and because I'm not originally from the UK) what is considered middle class these days? In this example, how much would the lady be making and what profession would she have for it to be considered middle class? I'm just honestly asking as I don't really get how it works in this country.

thefuturesnotourstosee Wed 07-Aug-13 21:10:43

Relax. Please relax.

DD has been at a private school since nursery. I've seen children having tantrums, throwing things, shouting, refusing to do as they're told etc. etc. The very vast majority of parents are what you'd probably define as middle class professional types.

Honestly children's mood swings do not discriminate by class. Even Princess Kate will at some point face a tantrum from Geroge.

Ring her up, suggest a playdate, make a friend have fun and please don't worry

Mumzy Wed 07-Aug-13 21:35:13

Don't worry about it. This time it was your dd next time it'll be hers. She probably thought there by the grace.... She sounds nice keep up the small talk with her and keep being friendly.

I am middle class with a good career and a toddler DD. My DD is well behaved for most of the time (I'd guess she is average), but occasionally isn't. And sometimes that is in public. Sometimes I just wish the ground would swallow us up but I generally manage to remember that most DC have moments like that. The most embarrassing was when she decided she didn't like her friend any more half way through a play date. I was mortified and just couldn't talk her into behaving properly. If I see someone else's child play up then I tend to think "yup, DD's done that too". I certainly don't judge as I am sure with DD that pride comes before a fall and if I judge then DD will be twice as bad within the next day. It wouldn't occur to me not to speak to them again.

parkin2010 Wed 07-Aug-13 21:44:10

Happens to us all!!!! Please don't feel like that you sound a lovely person x

maddening Wed 07-Aug-13 21:44:19

Well if she judges you to the point of not speaking to you then there's no loss on your part.

maddening Wed 07-Aug-13 21:46:20

Ps I generally wouldn't judge a person negatively for having a day of whinging baby and pre-schooler - surely this is what most parents of young children experience - we've all been there and have oodles of empathy.

schmee Wed 07-Aug-13 21:48:16

I'm reasonably posh and I'm mortified when my kids do this. When someone else's kid does I feel really relieved and think a playdate might be ok because mine won't have to be perfect.

Poosnu Wed 07-Aug-13 21:51:48

You are being ridiculous and thinking about this far too much! If class bothered her in any way (absolutely no reason why it should) she wouldn't have spoken to you. She will have experienced misbehaving children just the same as you.

internationallove985 Wed 07-Aug-13 21:56:28

All children have their moments, yes her D.D included. It's hardly shocking that a 3 year old had a tantrum is it. xx

Threewhiskeys Wed 07-Aug-13 21:59:01

Thanks for all the replies. I did have a feeling that I was being a bit oversensitive and daft.

I feel loads better now thanks to your replies! [Flowers]

hamab Wed 07-Aug-13 22:02:40

Don't worry. Three year old behaviour has nothing to do with class. It's undoubtable that she's experienced it herself.

Minshu Wed 07-Aug-13 22:08:29

I have a relatively easy-going and well-behaved 3 yo DD. She does kick off sometimes, and that can be embarrassing if in company. But, am I the only one who gets the little voice piping up about how naughty other kids are while she is being good? Now that is just as mortifying...

Do you think being middle class and having a career means your children don't play up? grin Noooooooooooooo

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