To be upset that I've been told by relative we've spelt DD's middle name wrong!

(162 Posts)
lazzaroo Wed 07-Aug-13 19:00:01

so, we got a card from this relative at the weekend as it was a special occasion. Which was nice of her. In the card was a letter, 'that's nice' I thought. But the sole purpose of the note was to say we'd spelt DD's middle name wrong. We gave her 2 middle names, after nan's on both sides. 2 nan's had the same name, but she wanted to point out that her mum did not spell it how we have. She did it in a 'hope you don't mind me noting but....' way which really pissed me off.

We tried to do a nice thing by including both nan's and spelt it how we liked it (the normal way, we didn't do some random modern twist!). I just don't get the point of her saying anything. What does she expect us to do?! why say anything?!

I know I just have to ignore it but can anyone explain to me what her thinking was?!

You can't win. Lilian would have disappointed one side, Lillian the other, and Lilyanne half the population would be telling you you'd made it up!

Your daughter has a beautiful name, for a lovely reason.

If the aunt is generally nice, and you're on good terms, I'd write back "Thanks for the note. We knew the nan's spelled their names differently, and so we chose the most popular spelling for the sake of DD. It honours both nan's and we love it."

youarewinning Fri 09-Aug-13 11:25:50

Oh Lillian is a lovely name.

The rest, meh, if you'd have used 1 l you'd have spelt the other nans name wrong grin

curlew Fri 09-Aug-13 11:22:10

I think the gift of a name" thing is rather sweet. blush<goes to sit in bonkers corner!

If anyone wants the gift of a name, I have plenty available, just ask.

Do you think I could set up a business selling names to the indecisive?

motherinferior Thu 08-Aug-13 17:26:39

I am so relieved other people think it was bonkers too.

SarahAndFuck Thu 08-Aug-13 17:10:05

The gift of a name grin

It's a bit like the bad fairy in Sleeping Beauty.

First fairy: I give you beauty.

Second fairy: I give you health.

Grandma: I give you a better name than the names your parents gave you, I mean, what were they thinking calling you X name!?

Footface Thu 08-Aug-13 17:10:02

Op yanbu, your relative really should have keep quiet and said nothing,

You choose to name your dd after family members, you can spelt it how you like. It still sounds the same

LynetteScavo Thu 08-Aug-13 16:33:28

She rang up and said she wanted to give him the 'gift' of a name.

Hahahahaha! I'm going to try that one when I become a grandparent! grin

motherinferior Thu 08-Aug-13 16:17:45

She appeared to think Dsis would just add it to her son's names. I think she was probably huffy that this one of her four grandchildren (a) didn't have an Asian name (my mother is Indian, and DP's dad was also from Bangladesh) (b) had the middle name of a different grandparent.

My sister blearily said "yeah, whatever" and then put the phone down and thought "WTF was that??^

Ezio Thu 08-Aug-13 15:57:08

Mother, your Mother is bonkers, gift of a name, how did she think that would work.

motherinferior Thu 08-Aug-13 15:48:24

Both my parents insisted I'd spelled DD1's middle name wrong (it is Ayesha - they say it should be spelt Aisha).

Which pales into insignificance when you realise that my mother tried to give my sister's DS2 an extra middle name. She rang up and said she wanted to give him the 'gift' of a name.

Beer0Clock Thu 08-Aug-13 15:47:43

be glad it's not her first name! when I named my dd, one thing I liked about the name was that the spelling was easy, obvious I thought. Well, all adults who are called this spell it the old way but apparently this new way of spelling it is more common now confused so a lot of people spell her name this new way. As I see it, it's new. New but more correct. Ah well.

I do know a woman who called her son Tadgh which baffles me. Now that is wrong! But I won't send her a note! I'm sure she must have her reasons for switching the g and the h around.

thebody Thu 08-Aug-13 15:42:20

op some people have way too much time on their hands.

LynetteScavo Thu 08-Aug-13 14:32:32

MMcanny Why would the OP want to drop one of her DD's names??? The child is named. The spelling chosen. Job done.

Well said Ezio.

Ezio Thu 08-Aug-13 14:06:17

Lazzaroo congrats on your DD, and Lillian is a lovely name and a very sweet sentiment behind the name.

My DDs middle name is Elizabeth, both her nans have the same middle name, so Elizabeth was my little nod to them, if they had been spelt differently, i still would have spelled it with the Z, because that is the spelling i liked.

So bin the letter, enjoy your gorgeous baby and the names you chose.

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom Thu 08-Aug-13 13:34:58

I think you are reading too much into it TBH.

She has probably been sitting at home thinking (every now and again), I wonder if Lazzaroo knows that isn't how Nan spelled Lilian. The fact that she mentions in her note that she doesn't know if that is how the other Lillian is spelled suggests that she thinks it might also be Lilian.

If someone I knew named their child to honour a relative but didn't spell it the way they did, I would worry that that was because they'd got the spelling wrong rather than a conscious choice and might try and point it out to them. I think she was clumsy, but I don't think she was mean.

I realise there is often un-warranted discrimination based on age, but on the other hand it can be a factor in people's behaviour. I think it's only ageist if it's un-founded. So, how old was the aunt then ?

MMcanny Thu 08-Aug-13 13:24:37

You could always drop the Lilian altogether since she has another middle name.

LynetteScavo Thu 08-Aug-13 13:15:20

JugglingFromHereToThere read the whole thread. We've covered the age thing.

You are being ageist.

grin

quietlysuggests Thu 08-Aug-13 13:00:01

your relative wrote you a very nice note saying just to let you know she actually spelled it this way, but of course you may have your reasons for spelling it that way, and anyway its entirely up to you, its a lovely name, I just wondered if you would like to know, all the best now

and you are getting all humpy all over the internet?

YABU

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 08-Aug-13 12:51:43

If your relative had not known both your DH's nans were called Lillian / Lilian I would have said that she was trying to be helpful and couldn't let you carrying on misspelling the name without saying something. But given she knew there were two nans with very similar names and both were being honoured she should have kept her thoughts to herself. You had to go for the version of Lillian you preferred and in that case one of the nan's was unavoidably going to have a slightly different version of the name to your DD.

I'm wondering how old the aunt is - some people get a bit like that when they're getting on a bit - on the rude, pedantic side, and forgeting that there's a nan on both sides of the family with the name.

I was in a class at school with 6 Katherines but each was spelt differently.

LynetteScavo Thu 08-Aug-13 12:03:10

There is nothing "poor" about the OP's DD grin -and should wouldn't have to keep spelling it as it's her middle name.

NoisyBrain Thu 08-Aug-13 11:56:49

*swampytigga another Kathryn here. I'm really not bothered by the frequent misspelling either, though it does make me smile when I have to spell it out to someone (I only bother if it's for something official) and they just CAN'T get their head around the lack of an 'e' in there.

My best friend gave her DD1 the most traditional spelling of my name as her middle name, but everyone knows she's named after me. My knickers remain twist-free about it.

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