To want to get married first?

(87 Posts)
MadInfoScientist Wed 07-Aug-13 10:17:55

I know, it's an old chestnut, but it's keeping me awake at night!
DP and I have been together 5 years, living together for 3 years, engaged for just over 18 months. We are both 34; he was married once before (briefly), I've never been married.

Lately, DP has been feeling 'broody' (?), and wants to start trying for a baby starting now. I am not comfortable with this; though I am not really a traditional sort, I do want DP to make the committment to us as a couple first, and not just because we have a child together. DP is not at all marriage shy, he is just really keen on being a dad, which is lovely, but I guess I don't understand why we can't just have a nice, small wedding ceremony that's about us first, then start trying?! It's not as if I am dying for a huge wedding...the registry office with close friends and family will suit me just fine.

I know that some people view marriage as 'just a piece of paper', but still, it's important to me. I like the idea of saying our vows to each other in front of our closest friends and family, and commemorating that committment to each other. Anyway...he is lovely, and he's not pressuring me in a nasty way, but I feel like I'm letting him down. Am I being unreasonable??

Beautiful. flowers

LazyMonkeyButler Fri 09-Aug-13 12:00:29

Fabulous! Congratulations!

TheSlug Fri 09-Aug-13 11:57:24

That's lovely! Congratulations!

Bue Fri 09-Aug-13 11:56:55

That's wonderful, congratulations! Happy wedding and happy baby making!

98percentchocolate Fri 09-Aug-13 11:53:26

Oops didn't see the update (could only see first two pages for some reason!!)
Congratulations op!!!

98percentchocolate Fri 09-Aug-13 11:52:10

I wanted to get married before having dc originally but life intervened and we ended up having dd beforehand. We still aren't married and I doubt it'll ever happen now. We just don't have the time or money to plan a wedding (even a registry office one). We call each other DH and dw to other people so everyone already assumes we are married. It feels like it too. I've tried raising the legal issues of us not being married but it hasn't worked. I've given up now.
Moral of that story is; if you really want it then you need to go for it.

NotYoMomma Fri 09-Aug-13 11:52:05

Team Marriage here.

Petal02 Fri 09-Aug-13 11:51:01

Aw, what a lovely post - I do enjoy a happy ending !!! Have a wonderful wedding, and lets hope you're soon proud parents xx

runningforthebusinheels Fri 09-Aug-13 11:40:47

Congratulations op, I hope you'll be very happy. That's a great way to do a wedding.

karinmaria Fri 09-Aug-13 11:35:19

Big grin from me! grin

Congratulations! Have a wonderful day (and marriage!).

redexpat Fri 09-Aug-13 11:20:40

Oh well done! Congratulations!

redexpat Fri 09-Aug-13 11:19:58

A lot of venues will offer a last minute deal, so you could easily plan within a month, assuming hte registrar is available that day.

Sallyingforth Fri 09-Aug-13 11:11:55

Very happy for you! Now get busy on making babies...

CSIJanner Fri 09-Aug-13 10:46:56

Yay!! Am watching this thread so I can throw some virtual confetti grin

JRmumma Fri 09-Aug-13 10:37:21

Fab news! Congratulations!

Trills Fri 09-Aug-13 10:25:08

Congratulations!

namechangeforthispost864269 Fri 09-Aug-13 10:18:57

awww congratulations op what a lovely update. wishing you and your dp all the best :-)

MadInfoScientist Fri 09-Aug-13 10:17:08

Thank you, LRDY...can't believe I waited so long to do it...it was so easy! Hopefully, I'll be back a year from now desperate for baby advice! grin

Nagoo Fri 09-Aug-13 10:16:40

FANTASTIC! Congratulations smile

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Fri 09-Aug-13 10:12:28

Congratulations! smile

Sounds as if things went very well.

MadInfoScientist Fri 09-Aug-13 10:10:12

Hello!! I'm back, and thought I'd update you all! I am so glad I posted this thread...it was the kick up the backside I needed, and DP and I have had some great conversation over the last couple of days. I won't get into all the details...it would be the longest thread ever, but basically, we just weren't being very straightforward with each other, so we needed a good sit down.

So...we're getting married!! Woo hoo!! Going to the registry office with parents and our best mates on the 20th September, then having a party (at my parents' house) on the 21st to include all friends and extended family. I have no idea why on earth I waited so long to plan this...it was the easiest thing we've ever done!

So...thanks all, for making me see the insanity of our situation!! grin
I'm a happy lady!

runningonwillpower Thu 08-Aug-13 17:18:32

This is a very personal point of view but I would not choose to have a baby with a man who didn't want to marry me.

And by 'want' I don't mean getting engaged. Getting engaged doesn't really mean a thing unless you get on with the getting married bit.

HappyMummyOfOne Thu 08-Aug-13 17:09:30

I wouldnt have agreed to children without being married first. They are a huge commitment and need to be bought into a secure long relationship.

Wedding can be done in two weeks, no need to spend a huge amount of money on basically a party and matching colour scheme. The money could be far better spent on the children or mortgage.

valiumredhead Thu 08-Aug-13 16:29:28

There's no way I would've had ds without being married first.

Tubemole1 Thu 08-Aug-13 01:08:35

Takes two weeks to get married. Bish bash bosh done. Drinks reception after, then use wedding night to make a baby.

Crass? Me? wink Never.

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