AIBU not to want to pay for everything?

(46 Posts)
violet123 Wed 07-Aug-13 10:12:04

My boyfriend and I don't live together, but spend the majority of our time at his house. He is not currently working, (I am, although I do not earn a great deal) but is trying really hard to find work. He does have some savings, which he is living off, but understandably is trying not to spend too much. The issue is that when I go round in the evenings, I always bring food/wine. I didn't mind at first, but I am now in a situation where I can't afford to pay for everything all the time. He rarely, if ever offers to contribute, even a couple of pounds, but seems to expect it. I tried to talk to him but he said (reasonably?) that we do spend all our time at his so it was not unreasonable for me to pay for all food/wine. We have a good realationshiop, but I am feeling taken for granted. WWYD?

QuintessentiallyOhDear Wed 07-Aug-13 11:24:46

Yes, why is he not coming to yours? Is he worried you will ask him to bring food and wine?

So, you work. And he does nothing. Come evening, you drag yourself and food and wine to his. I think I smell a mug here....

EarlyIntheMorning Wed 07-Aug-13 11:25:22

This is my very first LBT grin

EarlyIntheMorning Wed 07-Aug-13 11:25:42

Bollocks LTB blushangry

QuintessentiallyOhDear Wed 07-Aug-13 11:26:58

You mean BLT, surely. wink

EarlyIntheMorning Wed 07-Aug-13 11:33:37

grin

AnnabelleLee Wed 07-Aug-13 11:36:43

Cocklodger? no lodging, he has his own house to run, on no wages.

OP, perhaps you could talk to your boyfriend rather than let the mn massive tear him a new one? Be a grown up and discuss your finances together.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:44:58

Cocklodging doesn't have to involve a man living with you. It's anyone who is using you financially. He wants her to bring food and wine round every night whilst he doesn't do anything like that for her.

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 17:50:04

Bet he's not spending much now you're feeding him. Expects you to buy wine? WTF?

Go over after dinner. No wine. Tell him you're happy to provide food but the free vino is over.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:51:57

Why should she provide food?

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:53:20

Why doesn't he spend the evenings at yours? Is it because you get up to go to work and he stays in bed?

Eat your dinner before you go there. If he's not hungry, literally and figuratively, he won't find work.

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 17:53:41

I wouldn't, but she appears to be happy to do that.

It's like he's expecting you to pay to come to his house and service his cock.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 17:56:29

She says she doesn't earn a lot and can't afford to pay for everything all the time.

He's being very selfish. It's one thing if she invites him to her house for the weekend, but expecting her to rock up with food and drink every night? He's settling into not working, if that's his attitude.

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 17:59:42

Don't get me wrong, Imperial, I agree. I'd have dumped the loser myself, but I was trying to be polite grin. Anyone who expects me to feed and water him whilst he sits on his arse and gets his dick sucked will soon find himself looking for some other desperate saddo to pay to service him.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 18:00:51

I couldn't put it better myself!

Roshbegosh Wed 07-Aug-13 18:04:03

I bet you do housework and ironing for him, a bit of laundry too. Wake up and smell the coffee, he is having a laugh. What on earth are you thinking?

I would also be concerned about the alcohol aspect. I know many people enjoy a glass of wine etc with meal, but if he is regularly expecting to drink more than he can afford to buy then he might have a problem. If he was hoping that you would russle up some pasta when you came over that's cheeky, expecting wine every night rings alarm bells. You don't need to drink loads to be addicted, it's whether you can stop if you need to, sounds as if maybe he can't.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 18:21:26

I think it's more his sense of entitlement that's the problem, tbh. He wants some wine, he's not prepared to pay for his wine, he thinks someone else should pay for it.

His savings are safe; the OP is unable to save.

Also, buying food to take to someone's house is much more expensive than eating at home. At home she might just have egg on toast or something, but if he's expecting a meal, she has to pay for the ingredients. What's more (getting really angry now) she has to travel to his house and cook it, when he's been at home all day!

And I would put money on his saying he will do the dishes but he doesn't do them that night. Hard cash.

expatinscotland Wed 07-Aug-13 18:23:43

Forget the alcohol intake, this guy expects her to feed and water him and suck his cock whilst he kicks back. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

ImperialBlether Wed 07-Aug-13 18:25:19

Come back, OP! Put the potato peeler down, hide the wine from your bf and come back on here and plan your way out of this!

Blondeshavemorefun Wed 07-Aug-13 19:32:49

why doesnt he ever stay at yours, or do you live with ma and pa?

Whocansay Wed 07-Aug-13 19:48:48

Tell him he has mistaken you for meals on wheels.

Then run like fuck. He's a user.

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