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to wonder if everyone around me favours baby boys

(60 Posts)
whatwasIthinkingof Tue 06-Aug-13 23:14:12

Ok, I already have a DD and she is fab. Am 28 weeks pregnant with DD2, I knew right from the start of the pregnancy that she was another girl but can’t help but be disappointed as I know it is not what my family want and having girls seems to be more looked down on generally. Am totally astonished at all the comments on MN from people who wanted girls instead of boys, - not what I have been hearing! Before I even got pregnant again, when people asked us if we would have any more kids I got comments about how we are bound to want to have a boy as one of each is ideal (apparently) and how sons are special (especially a first son apparently), girls are more fragile and more needy etc (again, apparently!).

There’s several reasons I wanted a DS: I know my brother and SIL want one so desperately (I have a niece and nephew and I know they want a boy playmate for my nephew) and I suppose I want to please them (which I know is stupid but can’t help it!); males seem to have an easier time in society generally – am sure I will get told how wrong this is; everyone I speak to seems to prefer to have sons regardless of what they already have; my inlaws are all football mad and prefer the company of males, MIL in particular says she hates being with all women, although DH has managed not to be like this!

We have not told anyone the gender and won’t until after the birth but am getting so fed up with comments like ‘ooh let’s hope it’s a boy this time’. SIL is always dropping hints that she wants it to be a boy and i just feel like saying ‘why the fuck does it matter so much?’. The one person I did tell it was a girl said ‘oh.. shame’ which upset me and made me not want to tell people.

Deep down I don’t think I mind that much that it’s another girl (am pretty sure DH doesn’t mind either) as I know we will adore her as much as DD1. But people’s comments and stereotypes are bugging me so much that I actually feel sad about it. I keep thinking this is what my girls will have to put up with in life, - that they are a disappointment. I have already experienced this as my grandmother always favoured my brother (my gmother always idolised males) and my parents never challenged it so I know what it is like.

Am sure it is partly my history that makes me angry about this but even
taking that into account, it seems to be confirmed all the time how it is better to have a son and if you have all girls then it’s a shame somehow. Woman at work even said to another colleague whose first child was a boy – ‘ooh isn’t it just so lucky to have a son!’. I just thought, why is it not lucky to have a daughter? I keep thinking I am lucky to be pregnant again and a baby is what we wanted regardless of gender and I just need to get some perspective on it but I keep hearing these things and getting upset!

WorraLiberty England Tue 06-Aug-13 23:23:41

It's a cultural thing for some people (having a son first) even to the point of selective abortion.

But for the main part, people just chat shit and assume because you've had one sex, you'll want the opposite next time round.

I've got 3 boys...so I had all the "Oh are you disappointed it's not a girl?"

Yet I was never disappointed. In fact if I had a girl, she probably would have been more 'boyish' than my DS's! grin

Smile and nod at these people...but make sure you ignore their waffle for your own sanity.

NicknameIncomplete Tue 06-Aug-13 23:27:26

I have a dd & if i have another child i would want another dd.

The boys i know are whiney/moany children & i dont think i could handle that.

I have heard a few people talking about 'one of each' & wondered what was so special about that as i couldnt care less.

I say be proud to be a mum to two beautiful girls & ignore everyone else.

Worra I'll send my baby waby to you.
She's 11 yo, house trained, just had her ears pierced and I've bought her school uniform.

<<Looks up the timetable for the 175 bus>>

WorraLiberty England Tue 06-Aug-13 23:30:29

70 I'll return her the next day on the 128

Full of blue smarties, Red Bull and sugar!

I'll also dip dye her hair and talk her into having a tattoo....

So if you're still happy to proceed...grin

WorraLiberty England Tue 06-Aug-13 23:32:28

The boys i know are whiney/moany children & i dont think i could handle that.

Yeah but being born with a penis doesn't cause anyone to whine and moan?

Kids are kids...they're all individuals just like their parents.

MortifiedAdams Tue 06-Aug-13 23:34:31

Im another one who wants a second girl. I am nine weeks with dc2 and while I didnt give a hoot what dc1 was, I genuinely want a second daughter now. We will be finding out so a bit of time ahead of the birth to get my head rpubd it.

smarties
red bull
sugar
dyed hair
tattoos (she might pass on that she's a needle whoose).
She won't want to come back to me.....

The fact you've got three sons, you'll never get rid of her. grin

Any of your boys look like Olly Murs?

whoose should be WUSS

TheCrackFox Tue 06-Aug-13 23:41:28

Well said Worra.

DuelingFanjo Tue 06-Aug-13 23:43:26

I thinkit's blizzare to say 'boys are all like this' and 'girls are all like that' just because the ones you have met have been a certain way. Maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophesy though, when people are so determined to raise their children by strict gender ideas. My mil favours boys and wants grandsons, which she did get. It pissed me off so much, when i was pregnant, to hear people say that they hoped it was a boy but when it turned out to be a boy I didn't care at all because he was so wanted.

I think you just have to ignore people.

SisterMatic Tue 06-Aug-13 23:46:30

I have two girls. To be honest I am glad to have two healthy children as I had a lot of problems in my pregnancies. People ask if I will try again for a boy..erm..no.
I am happy with what I have been given..two boys, two girls, one of each..it doesn't matter to me.

NaturalBaby Tue 06-Aug-13 23:47:30

Your producing an individual human being, not a prepackaged stereotypical blue or pink version or everyone's hopes and dreams.

Coconutty Costa Rica Tue 06-Aug-13 23:48:44

I can understand that some people want to experience parenting a son and a daughter but can honestly say that I would have been happy with either.

People are thoughtless a lot of the time. I had some oh what a shame when I had DS2, and others saying that we could always try again.

solarbright Wed 07-Aug-13 00:01:28

Ask your SIL, in all seriousness (and hold her hand as you ask this), 'Where did all your problems with females come from? do you want to talk about it?' Tell everyone that you're hoping and praying for a second girl. Every time your MIL mentions that she wants a boy from you, explain in careful detail how sex works. If she never had a daughter herself, sympathise loudly and often with her failure to produce a girl.

And many congratulations on your DD2!!

aldiwhore Wed 07-Aug-13 00:06:52

I think there may be an element of you hearing the opposite of what you want to hear.

When I was pregnant with my second son, all I heard was "OH don't you want it to be a GIRL, wouldn't that be just lovely, to have a full set!" (Ugh)

There may be an element also of people wishing for you the opposite of what you have.

Cultural issues.

General bollocks.

Congratulations on your dd2! My friend rang soon after a gave birth (same friend who 'hoped' my child would be a girl - for me you understand, because it would be 'naice') she asked "What is it, what is it?" and I said "A baby" and hung up.

Do not allow yourself to be bothered by it. Celebrate your children. Whatever the gender... I adore my two boys.

PeriodMath Wed 07-Aug-13 00:10:25

NicknameIncomplete,

Hahahahahaha - what a crock. We know you wanted a boy really wink

FloweryOwl Wed 07-Aug-13 00:17:35

Congratulations on dd2! And ignore them. I also don't understand the need for one of each. I've got a dd 3.6 and when I was expecting number two everyone was saying "oooh I bet your hoping for a boy this time."

Actually I didn't give a shit as long as they were healthy. My dd wanted a sister and I thought it would be nice to have another girl so they could be girly together. I had a little boy, he's 6 months. Now I always get "it's great you have one of each!" Its as if they are accessories, it's ridiculous.

WorraLiberty England Wed 07-Aug-13 00:31:14

70 my 21yr old is a dead ringer for Rylan shock

Not sure if that helps or hinders grin

crazykat England Wed 07-Aug-13 00:47:25

I got "let's hope its a boy" constantly from MIL when pregnant with DD1 (we didn't find out at the scan which apparently was weird). SIL had three girls at that point and she wanted a grandson.

A year later I had DS1 so she was happy, SIL not so much as she wanted a boy but ended up with another girl - liked it even less when DS2 was born.

DH got asked if he was disappointed not to have a boy (when DD1 born) as he already had a daughter. He was glad to have a girl as he knew what he was doing.

Once DS1 was born we got the whole " that's it then no more kids since you've got one of each" drove me barmy.

Caff2 Wed 07-Aug-13 01:45:15

I adore my two boys, but since, barring a lottery win or other miracle I'm having no more, I do sometimes feel sad I'll never have a daughter. Have two goddaughters though, so I still have the girls to look after a bit.

Morloth Wed 07-Aug-13 02:27:54

People are crazy.

I got the same bullshit when pregnant with DS2.

You get what you get.

DaleyBump Wed 07-Aug-13 03:18:40

I'm 23 weeks pregnant with DS1. I was over the moon when I found out he was a boy but I would have also been over the moon if I had found out I was having a girl. Before we found out the sex, I was imagining my life with a son or daughter and when I was told that I'm having a boy, although I'm ecstatic, a tiny part of me is grieving for the daughter I might never have. If I had been told I was having a girl, a tiny part of me would also an grieving for the son I might never have had.

DaleyBump Wed 07-Aug-13 03:19:06

*be, not an.

MsJupiterJones Wed 07-Aug-13 04:18:43

My mum started saying that I had to have a dd next within months of me having DS. I said it might be nice for him to have a brother and she said, oh no, a daughter next, you must have a girl. (I'm not planning to ttc again for at least a year!)

Do people really not understand how biology works? Even if you think you'd like that to happen, what is the point of putting pressure on someone who clearly has no choice in the matter?

Daley I understand what you mean, for me it was like until the 20wk scan I had imagined two children, a little boy and a little girl, and then I had to un-imagine the little girl. I wouldn't want to sound like I was comparing it in any way to an actual loss but there was a small sadness, I missed the imaginary girl.

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