New job ruined before i've even started :( (bit long - soz)

(63 Posts)
careergal Tue 06-Aug-13 21:42:04

After 10 years in a really great job that I totally enjoy surrounded by lovely colleagues, I took a chance at applying for a great new job at another place, more money, brill prospects.

I worked SO HARD on my application and during the 2 day long interview process, which I feel like I nailed and I have never said that about an interview, nor would I usually blow my own trumpet to that effect. I GOT THE JOB and was happy, couldn't believe it.

It turns out that I vaguely know the girl i'll be replacing as we went to Uni together - I did not realise until the day of the interview when she was observing one of the group tasks. Since then she has been in contact to meet up for drinks which I have done as I feel obliged since I got the job and she always disguises it as 'handing over' (which she has never done).

At every opportunity she keeps telling me, on a continuous loop that (in a nutshell):

She was the reason I got the job
She put a good word in
They were not going to recruit me until she told them i'd be good
The manager was begging her (after my interview) to take back her notice as they had not found anyone suitable but she managed to convince them

I'm so gutted! I want to tell her to STFU but it will go on deaf ears as she has no empathy and if anything looks shocked when I don't say 'oh thank you so much'! It has really upset me to the point that I don't even want the job sad

Say it's not true, I will still never know without asking the manager and presenting myself as needy and emotional (which I'm generally not)!

How do I get past this and AIBU!

TroublesomeEx Wed 07-Aug-13 08:08:42

You'll probably find they've spoken positively about their new recruit at work and she's taken that as a personal criticism.

She's worried about people telling you about how amazing you are and you thinking negatively of her.

Haven't read the other replies.

Is that pretty much what everyone else has said..?

Trills Wed 07-Aug-13 08:15:03

YAB a bit of a drama queen - your new job s not ruined by words from one woman who will not be there.

It doesn't matter what she says because you never have to see her again if you don't want to.

You haven't seen her since university - there is no reason for you to think about her or believe that she says.

Groovee Wed 07-Aug-13 08:24:49

She's talking crap.

WeleaseWodger Wed 07-Aug-13 08:26:32

I'd show up at these handover sessions with notes to take and start commenting on her lack of professionalism if she fails to actually talk about work. If she starts on you again, just look concerned and say something vague about that's not what you heard through the grapevine...and how worried you are about the first month as you've been lead to believe there's a lot of wrongs they're going to need you to sort out. Mumble apologetically that I'm sure she did her best but you've been lead to believe they're looking to improve things now.

Tuppenceinred Wed 07-Aug-13 08:28:12

Stop meeting up with her away from the workplace. Professional handovers don't take place over drinks, and should be initiated by your manager. Here, have a grip, the job will be great!

SelectAUserName Wed 07-Aug-13 08:28:59

The best thing is to ignore her insecure neediness and ask for her handover notes to be emailed to you.

Although I confess I'd be tempted to do a bit of game-playing of my own, OP. Next time she starts her loop, I'd just smile and say something like "it's funny how different people see situations differently, isn't it?" If she picked up on it and asks you what you mean, I'd say "let's just say my experience of the offer process has been quite different and leave it there" and if, as is likely, she continued to press it, I'd say "no, honestly, I shouldn't have said anything. You've got your fab new job and I'm sure it will work out brilliantly for you" and then change the subject and refuse to discuss it further.

MrsHoarder Wed 07-Aug-13 08:44:22

As for the "begging her to take back her notice", for the company its cheaper to keep current staff than have to go through the hiring process, checks, induction, role-specific training etc. So even if you were slightly better than her they might think that its cheaper as a company to keep her.

And my guess is if there's any truth in that, it was a brief meeting where the manager asked if offering x would mean she would stay. Not begging, just trying to cost-save.

Her "putting a good word in" probably amounted to a "oh, I know her, she's nice". No employer will take a person on who doesn't make the grade, whatever his, soon to be ex,-staff member may say. You got the job because you were the best and they could see that you would be good at it. If there was no-one who made the grade then they would have re-advertised. It's not as if there aren't 000,s of people desperate for a job out there, is it? Have confidence in yourself, you got that job because you DESERVE that job, now, enjoy it!

MammaTJ Wed 07-Aug-13 09:17:05

Honestly, my take on it would be that the day she handed her notice in, they all breathed a sigh of relief that someone so toxic was leaving. Give it a month, then they will all be queuing up to tell you how awful she was and how much nicer you are.

She will not just have been like this with you.

TimeofChange Wed 07-Aug-13 09:22:48

Don't meet up with her again or engage with her, unless it is an official handover on the works premises.
Do not be her friend on FB.

Get her out of your life.

Well done you on getting the job.

I've been in the situation where someone "put in a good word" for me for a new job. The difference there was that it was someone (actually, two someones) who had previously worked with me and would work with me if I got the job, not someone already on the way out for whom my employment would have made precisely zero difference. And I still had to impress them by virtue of my own brilliance skills and experience anyway, as OP did.

Good luck with new job. Are you getting paid for these handover sessions, btw?

HoikyPoiky Wed 07-Aug-13 09:26:00

You will have got the job fair and square. She watched one task! She sounds needy and stupid.

To be honest even if she did get you the job which she clearly didnt ALL that matters is your preformance from now on.

Congrats and enjoy

RenterNomad Wed 07-Aug-13 10:20:58

Bah. She can't have any "influence" (which implies leverage to make them do something they haven't chosen to do) because she's leaving.

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