This happened to me again today.
My daughter is 5 and doesn't know her father. We split up when she was merely a few weeks old due to him being physically and verbally abusive to me, and yelling at/shaking dd.
Anyway, he's never made any attempt to get in touch. And for obvious reasons i haven't went out my way to encourage him to have a relationship with dd.
Today, me and dd were walking to the supermarket. A very narrow pathway next to a busy road. I looked ahead of us and my whole body seized up. My ex - dd's father - was walking towards us. When he met my eye, he paused for a moment and looked as though he was considering turning back. But instead he walked on. And i walked on too. Dd was chattering away to me, completely unaware her father was only 20 feet in front of us.
I felt really numb but tried to act as normally as I could. My walking pace was very slow. I didn't want him to think i was scared and was rushing by him. Anyway, he kept glancing at dd. He looked really sad tbh. Had a sort of 'longing' expression in his eyes.
As he got right beside us, i knelt down and pretended to be tying my shoe. I thought he might have stopped too and tried to say something. God knows what. But i just wanted to give him that opportunity if you see what I mean? But he didn't stop at all. He just kept on walking as fast as he could, looking over his shoulder a few times at dd.
I'm just trying to put myself in his shoes. If i were him, i don't think i could have physically stopped myself from saying something to my own child - even a mere hello. There's no way i could have just walked by her as if she was some random stranger.
On the other hand, he's probably spent the last five years trying to pretend he doesn't have a child, so seeing her today obviously shocked him and perhaps stirred up some deep emotions.
He lives in the same town as us, and we've had 'encounters' like this maybe 5 times in the past five years. And he's never talked to us. Every other time, he crossed the street, didn't look at us etc, but today he actually looked at her several times.
Ah, this has turned into a ramble. I just don't understand his thought process. Was it shock? Or did he really just not want to say hello to his daughter? Random people are always saying hello to dd. She wouldn't have thought it odd at all.
AIBU?
AIBU to wonder how any parent could walk by their child in the street without uttering a single word to them?
CommaSpliceQueen · 06/08/2013 21:01
Thanks. I think i'm too emotional right now to see it realistically from his POV tbh. in my head, i'm telling myself that i would have smiled at dd and said hello instead of rushing by, stealing glances.
But if i really was him, maybe I wouldn't react that way at all.
I haven't stopped contact at all. It's never been discussed. As soon as i split up with him, he never got back in touch. I was still at the same address and kept the same number for a year. I always thought the ball was in his court. i didn't want to go chasing him.
Yes, he also acts the 'doting' dad, which is really annoying. Through mutual friends, I've gathered that he has an online blog about the strife of being a single dad, where he refers to me as the 'bitch', and was considering getting a tattoo of dd's name very recently... 
So he's quite happy to permanently ink his body with her name, but not even look her in the eye. It's little wonder I'm confused.
I probably should have posted this tomorrow instead of today. I'm obviously still a bit in shock and not thinking sensibly.
He's an arse. My dd is wonderful. I just hope her little heart isn't broken when she wants to seek him out for herself when she's older.
In his position, I'd have done exactly the same as he did.
I think you'd have found it quite intimidating if he had actually said something and may well have found yourself on here posting about how threatening you found it, and wondering if that meant he was going to get in touch and how dare he just think it was ok to say a simple and carefree "hello" like was just another random stranger passing in the street.
And I think you'd have been perfectly reasonable had that been what happened.
It's a horrible situation which has, understandably, left you a bit shaken. 
DC2 absent bio father would do exactly the same thing if he saw us on the street and he has never met DC2. He probably wouldn't even look longingly either as he is an unfeeling cunt.
YANBU for having these thoughts as it is only natural as you struggle to process how he can't want to be there for your DD but remind yourself he'd abusive and if he did want to be around you'd probably run a hundred miles in the other direction. He's a coward and pathetic and you can't imagine his perspective or put yourself in his shoes because, frankly, he is a loser and you're not. You'll be glad he didn't say anything tomorrow.
Also, at the getting her name tattooed...WTAF?
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